Yeah it'd probably be a good idea to start smaller lol.
I went out today, thinking...hmmm maybe if I can manage the guts I will do the random compliment a beautiful girl thing.
I started by asking what the time was from 3 people (which was surprisingly hard to do in busy downtown Vancouver, where many of the people were cracked out, literally... I had somebody shooting up next to me in the bathroom i'm pretty sure.) ANYWAYS.... I asked for the time from 3 (sober) people. And theenn.. I decided I would test myself by going into the Raw Cafe I've been staring down for months. (gorilla foods, for anybody who lives in Vancouver) EEEK k, it didn't seem like a big challenge at first, but once I stared at the entrance into the dimly lit and "comfy"-small area with only 3 tiny tables, well of course my nerves were shot. Especially bcause I've never eaten out alone, let alone in a place where I'm going to respect and idealize EVERYBODY for their raw-veganism (which I could never stick to). I walked past the place once, and out of stupidity decided to walk all the way around the block because I hate turning back in crowds ... Paranoia. So, walking in was the hardest part. Most of the people there were regulars seeing that raw veganism is a pretty contained movement at the moment.. So the lady asked me if this was my first time there and my name, etc, of course the people were all very friendly, energetic and talkative (with clear skin glowing eyes and thick hair... damn those raw vegans and their health!) so that made me a bit intimidated..and I admit I felt hideous and small compared to these people. I have troubles with eating in public, also, so..... eating my raw pesto "noodles" (which was amazing, by the way :O) was VERY awkward for me.. I had weird feelings of sickness, more related to the gross feeling I get when eating in public, and unbearable guilt or shame for some unknown reason, I think I felt undeserving of "taking" a meal. Leaving is a hard thing for me to do also, just vanishing without a word, but I didn't have the guts to yell a Goodbye or something..
then I went to chapters, grabbed a book on raw food and read in public, which is something I also have troubles with, concentrating when people are watching me. I read until I was able to be absorbed by the book despite the people. Then jumped back on the bus, (despite my hatred for busses i've grown used to them) where some guy who I'm sure was on drugs started talking to me about all the letters in the alphabet...... awkward... but it made me smile...despite the fact that he was either drunk or drugged up... I tried to hide behind my book the rest of the way.
May I mention that the most ****ing beautiful people work at Gorilla Foods... I think i'm in love with every bearded glowing person in that kitchen. But more importantly, I saw the most beautiful girl o_o (gaydar was telling me she had a good chance of being a lesbian, also..) and that's when I realized, there is no way i'm going to be able to go up to somebody like that and even speak to them yet lol..i'd be surprised if EVER.. but that is going to be my final exposure.. speaking to her.
So yeah, EasySkankin... Let's hold that particular exposure off! I'm having trouble finding something moderately challenging.... Asking for the time in a sea of faces was hard enough for me. I agree, running through the supermarket is something I want to try. I've also thought of painting my face before I go out, or wearing a sign.. that'd be such a nightmare though! But it must be done...
Want to start with running through the supermarket? Things tend to seem much easier to me when I'm sitting at my house.
By the way, I'd like for you both to tell me your names
Sorry for the text-wall
