The cycle of social anxiety

[Egmanns]

This is just my opinion but would like to express it and hopefully it may help some. Like ya'll ive had social anxiety for a while now. Im 22 and thankfull im young. I looked for answers for years and was angry and suicidle cause i wasnt better. It wasnt till recently that i realised why. I and ill say it most of the people arent doin anything bout it. Think anout it, we go to a doctor and take meds and say damn why arent i better? im a psychology student (i know, how contradicting) and just graduated. No doubt CBT is the tool we need to overcome this but ill try not to get off the subject, so like i was saying we think we are doing everything but we are not and this is human but more specifically western society's nature. We expect and instant cure and we should be better and hey i dont disagree i mean damn we put someone on the moon but we are in the dark ages still with mental illness. Your prob sitting there saying 'No ive done everything to get better and theres no answer' but have you? i used to think i did but i was way off. How many of you who 'Say' they tried CBT actually did? cause the truth of the matter is we get in a situation and our bodies say "hold on champ, this shit is dangerous get out of here now" so we get anxous and thus compile the illness. Its been bout 6 months since i actually confronted my fears and face this shit on a daily basis and it use to almost kill me and hurt so bad but it got better each day. Then id slip backwards and be even angrier but next time i would go forward it went even better. The point of my rambling is that you actually need face these situations daily without coming up with 'Reasons' why you cant. I really welcome your input so that i can get others views to help me with my degree as i will actually start seeing patients in a year.

Regards

eden

 

[zyxockjm]

Facing the situation doesn't help all that much at all. I go to many interviews and I don't get any better. I normally can't stand going to social settings, but I do all the time. It's not like I lose a little fear each time or something.

I have noticed the opposite effect sometimes though. If I end up avoiding a place I really feel fearful for a long time, like over 6 months, then when I come back I may not be as fearful.

I've been trying to meditate and practice extreme calmness for more than two years with very little luck. My body is afraid to relax and believe me practice doens't do anything useful.

 

[marc72]

Well one example that you may keep in mind is that a therapist once said to a client (patient) that has fear taking the Bus. She suggested that she take the bus only for several stops and then get off or go inside the bus when it is nearly empty to get use to it by taking these baby steps instead of concetrating on the whole trip. Also, if you plan on working with clients help them realize that comparing to those that are better off than you doesnot help especially when you can look at those that are worse off than you that will balance things out. Encourage group therapy for lonley types that have similar issues or anxiety SP so they can be amongst others and meet new people with same anxiety issues. group interaction like that helps me to get exposed to meeting new people instead of staying home and dealing with the same people that judge me.

 

[marc72]

Well one example that you may keep in mind is that a therapist once said to a client (patient) that has fear taking the Bus. She suggested that she take the bus only for several stops and then get off or go inside the bus when it is nearly empty to get use to it by taking these baby steps instead of concetrating on the whole trip. Also, if you plan on working with clients help them realize that comparing to those that are better off than you doesnot help especially when you can look at those that are worse off than you that will balance things out. Encourage group therapy for lonley types that have similar issues or anxiety SP so they can be amongst others and meet new people with same anxiety issues. group interaction like that helps me to get exposed to meeting new people instead of staying home and dealing with the same people that judge me.

 

[introvert]

I do CBT at home a few days a week (1 or 2..), try and practise going out and interacting with people reasonably often. But am I really doing all I can? The truth is no. In reality I should be spending a dedicated 2 hours a day working on CBT, rigorously practising the exercises, going out and breaking down the walls of SP. Remember people, results are directly proportional to the effort you put in. You put in a bit of effort? Well then you will see some results. More effort more results. That's how it works. I've recently started putting in more effort, and my results have increased significantly.

zyxockjm - facing the situation doesn't help if you don't involve cognitive techniques with the behavioral part of going out there and facing them. You need to change your thought patterns. Small example: I had a real hard time on public transport, I figured everyone was looking at me and I HATED it, made me sweaty couldn't stand it. With CBT, I slowly changed my thoughts to accept that "people will look sometimes" and that it's "normal". Notice, I didn't change the people, and I didn't just sit on a bus 100 times, I actually changed my thoughts somewhat - I'm still perfecting this.

Nice post Egmanns! I can only back you up. You need to be persistent people. Going to CBT for a week and giving up won't help. If you keep at it and put in the effort you WILL get better. And yes, you WILL also have setbacks, but while going through those, remember it's only temporary and sometimes you have to take 2 steps back to take one forward in the right direction.

 

[IcanDoIt]

zyxockjm - facing the situation doesn't help if you don't involve cognitive techniques with the behavioral part of going out there and facing them. You need to change your thought patterns. Small example: I had a real hard time on public transport, I figured everyone was looking at me and I HATED it, made me sweaty couldn't stand it. With CBT, I slowly changed my thoughts to accept that "people will look sometimes" and that it's "normal". Notice, I didn't change the people, and I didn't just sit on a bus 100 times, I actually changed my thoughts somewhat - I'm still perfecting this.

exactly dude! thats they way to conquer..

 

[Dragonfly]

Introvert, I totally agree with everything you said, you can't go into a fearful situation and survive if you don't have the tools to deal with it, which is what CBT teaches you. Hope you stick with it.

 

[ColdFury]

If you keep at it and put in the effort you WILL get better.

CBT does not have a 100% success rate even done properly

 

[Dragonfly]

Have you tried it? I guess its different for everyone and how committed you are to it. but any progress is better than nothing, if taking the fear away slightly is better than been totally fearful dont you think. I know it takes a long time for improvements but I thought its better than staying like this forever. Theres nothing to lose in trying it in that case is there?

 

[ColdFury]

Have you tried it? I guess its different for everyone and how committed you are to it. but any progress is better than nothing, if taking the fear away slightly is better than been totally fearful dont you think. I know it takes a long time for improvements but I thought its better than staying like this forever. Theres nothing to lose in trying it in that case is there?

I don't know if you were asking me, but yes I have.

 

[Nightshade]

I'm right there with Introvert - it's not the facing the fear that helped me - it's changing the way I thought about it.

It was only 6 months ago that I found out that a lot of the problems I have been having are social phobia problems - I'm 33 and I have had these problems since I was at school. But I have not been hiding away and avoiding people. I have been trying to face my fears, and looking hard for new ways to face them. I have been quite deliberately putting myself in the social situations I found traumatic and stressful and trying to cope better with my reactions to them since I was about 15. I had made some progress in some areas but in others I was getting worse the more exposure I had, and at the point I finally went to my doctor and asked for help, I was getting quite seriously worse, despite me trying harder than ever before.

Over the last 6 months thinking differently has really changed things for me. Although I'm far from cured, my anxiety in some situations is still well beyond the normal range and I still do some safety behaviours without even noticing.

One of the things that really struck me is that these changes are difficult and require a lot of motivation. I found help at a time when I was really ready for it.

I had control of my depression and reasonable confidence that I could recognise it and manage it if I started getting depressed. This was crucial because my worst fear was always that the "social disasters" I predicted would cause me to spiral serious depression like I had suffered previously. It was a reasonable fear based on past experience, but now I know about managing my depression I can say "no, a nervous breakdown is not a likely outcome from me blushing in front of somebody at work".

There are a number of other reasons that the timing was good for me. I had sorted out some self-esteem issues. Even though I still was having social anxiety problems, I had stopped hating myself and thinking I was a freak. I had accepted at some point - "ok, so some things are harder for me than they are for other people, and my skills in some areas are not what I would like, but that doesn't make me a freak or a moron. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses." If I hadn't sorted that out, I don't know how much progress I would have made with the CBT.

So I can think, maybe CBT isn't for everyone, but also, maybe you need to be at the right stage. Maybe there are other things to do as well. If it hasn't worked, maybe it just isn't the right time, and taking a break, putting effort into other things, then coming back to it might help. It's not just a case of wanting to change and recover, it is about having the mental and physical resources to do it as well (and financial I guess, although working from a book is cheap and I recommend it!).

I don't know what a psychologist might say to this, but those are my thoughts.

 

[nickabcuk]

...

 

[Fredscars]

i always try to change the way i think abuto social situations..i try and laugh at it. I (like others) hated using public transport, but for me it was the awful bit when you had to put the money in and say "50p please" my voice would crack, squeak..wahtever. i dreaded that moment. My friends used to laugh about it, which hurt me alot, made it worse ya know. But then one day my mate tought me to laugh at it - instead of laughnig at me, they laughed with me - jopking about what imitation voice i could do next - perhaps i should try out for cartoon character voices. It took a long time but gradually i started to joke about it myself. Now i can just go on a bus (not happily, but easily) and tell the driver how much, no crack in the voice. Humour is to be my saviour i believe.

Another thnig ive found is that i was always having problems buying stuff like deoderant, or ladies products, in a shop. I mean thats common for every girl i think, not just social phobics but i jsut couldnt do it. but in some sityuations ive found this balnkness i can pull over me. i jsut focus out and im protected..almost like its not me doing it. anyway, now if im buying something - anything really - i ust recall this feeling and totally blank out for 10minutes whilst buying whatever and i can do it. Sure there is a little anxiety but not much.

as to what..er.. osmeone (lol) said upthere about how most of us arent doing enough - the way i think about itis were not doing enough unless we've succeeded. never sit down and say "ive done all i can" if youre still not happy with you.

 

[zyxockjm]

CBT therapists are too hard to schedule with because they are always booked until like a month later. Does anyone have any CBT books they could recommend to me?

I feel if I can meditate and relax deeply I should be fine w/my s.a. But I can not even do that. Anytime I try to meditate I start panicking and fill up w/anxiety. I keep trying to tell myself that I am not supposed to be so worried and I should be calm but it doesn't help. How would I change my thought patterns in this case?

Thanks.

 

[Fredscars]

I feel if I can meditate and relax deeply I should be fine w/my s.a. But I can not even do that. Anytime I try to meditate I start panicking and fill up w/anxiety. I keep trying to tell myself that I am not supposed to be so worried and I should be calm but it doesn't help. How would I change my thought patterns in this case?

Thanks.

i dont know if this is in anyway similar but:
about a year ago i went through a period filled with anxiety attacks, just having a really bad time about it. I was told to do this breathing pattern if i felt an attack coming on. the first few times it worked and i calmed down, but anytime after that id get panicky do the breathing and get more and more worked up because the breathing reminded me of the fear last time. The breathing brought back all the memories and the feelings of the panick - not the safety. Maybe your inability to meditate is because it reminds you of your anxiety and the way it makes you feel, triggering it off even though you arent in that situation?

 

[Nightshade]

This is the book I'm using and have found very good.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...79/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/102-6631545-2756927

In case the link doesn't work - look up the author Gillian Butler on Amazon and that will get you to the book.

I think I learned more from the book than seeing a psychologist, but found the psychologist helpful for encouraging me, giving me some perspective and challenging some of the beliefs that proved harder to shift.

 

[introvert]

zyxockjm - you said:

"I keep trying to tell myself that I am not supposed to be so worried and I should be calm but it doesn't help."

I would tell myself this:

"Ok, I will probably have some anxiety while doing this, and it is perfectly normal. Over time the anxiety will decrease and the technique's effect will improve. I just need to be persistent, and understand that what I feel now is normal."

You need to realise that it takes time to work on SP.

P.S. Great advice guys, I've learnt a lot from this post!

 

[Nightshade]

The "self-talk" phrases I use to try and diminish anxiety are "I don't need to be anxious" or "I don't have to be anxious".

I'm not saying I shouldn't or mustn't be anxious, because that would be suggesting I'm doing something wrong if I am anxious. Rather, I am reminding myself that the anxiety I am feeling is not necessary, that there isn't actually anything dangerous happening and also reminding myself that it doesn't have to be like this forever.

It might sound trite, but it really is useful to me. It has become a habit in certain circumstances that when I start feeling anxious and wanting to start a series of safety behaviours, this little sentence pops into my head and reminds me not to go down that path.

Otherwise, I forget. My anxiety and behaviours are very entrenched because I have had them a long time, and unless I remind myself what to do, I just do what I've done for years. And then things start to go wrong as the whole anxiety cycle gets going.