theslowesthand
Banned
A wee bit of a drunken rant..
The best times in my life have been those in which i've been "blind drunk" - that's when i'm happiest. It (alcohol) gets life to ****-off, which for me has always been a good thing
In fact i'd go as far to say that how i'd want to leave this life is: drunk + alone + music (these 3 = "my mistress")
I think its safe to say that for my whole life i've not "lived", only "escaped" (& constantly). I even once came to the (half-baked?) conclusion that the only reason i live is to escape life. I thnk im probably scared-shitless of the realities of life - about myself, others, life, univesrse. That's where alcohol has come in handy for me, as it has enabled me to escape to a very high degree/level as nothing else can. Under the right circumstances (eg blind drunk) it seems to put me "in touch" with the truth/love/beauty/etc of which i usually do not partake of in my everyday life .. it seems that this "me" is the "correct" me
Generally being in a "good ol' drunken state" (with right conditions), is what i's call "quality time" .. pretty much all other time for me is "crap time", or "work time" (& i don't have a job)
The "magic recipe" is ---> having the alcohol affecting your brain "suitably" + playing the right music + thinking the right thoughts + (of course) feelings the right feelings
Some of my fondest memories in life, are when i was alone, and drunk (& usu at home)
Such as when i used to watch every day a music video of my then-favorite band Cream, in my 70s get-up (old-man's old 70s flares, pop's jacket, green shades), burning incense, and of course drinking (homemade milk-powder milk + Mississippi Moonshine (50/50); usu drinking about 7 doubles worth)
Or another time driving to a secluded bridge over a river. I sat in car continuing to drink from me bottle (my fav spirits of MM), & getting out once or twice to walk & sit amongst the weeping willow trees along the bank of the river .. having a bit a weep myself .. and playing loud headphone (tape walkman back then) music, prob Led Zepp, Cream, Hendrix, George Harrison, Pearl Jam, etc
These are good sensitve personal memories people, so don't ****-me-over with your responses plaese!
Of course one has to be very carful with drinking spirits (of which i steer clear of these days). Spirits (of the alcoholic kind) seemed to "wreak havoc" with my (gad) anxiety levels, & seemed to make me more "aggro" in general. But if you want to keep drinking spirits, i'd highly recommend "mixing it up", say have a few beers --> double of spirits/milk --> slice of bread --> beer --> etc. That seemed to work the best for me, for the alcoholic effect & minimizing the hangeover
Back then, even though i was on meds for depression & anxiety, i strongly felt that i needed an additional medication - alcohol. Without it, the meds just didn't quite "cut it" for me .. hell, even WITH alcohol it didn't cut it, not by a long shot, but it did make my issues/problems "bearable". For instance, if i was "going nuts", then i would turn to the grog, which would pacifiy me substantially, as nothing else could. It helped to get my aggro/rage/etc "out of the system", & to partly "address" some of the emotional problems i had. I was a sick sick puppy back then .. nowadys (10/so years later) i am just a sick dog
The best times in my life have been those in which i've been "blind drunk" - that's when i'm happiest. It (alcohol) gets life to ****-off, which for me has always been a good thing
In fact i'd go as far to say that how i'd want to leave this life is: drunk + alone + music (these 3 = "my mistress")
I think its safe to say that for my whole life i've not "lived", only "escaped" (& constantly). I even once came to the (half-baked?) conclusion that the only reason i live is to escape life. I thnk im probably scared-shitless of the realities of life - about myself, others, life, univesrse. That's where alcohol has come in handy for me, as it has enabled me to escape to a very high degree/level as nothing else can. Under the right circumstances (eg blind drunk) it seems to put me "in touch" with the truth/love/beauty/etc of which i usually do not partake of in my everyday life .. it seems that this "me" is the "correct" me
Generally being in a "good ol' drunken state" (with right conditions), is what i's call "quality time" .. pretty much all other time for me is "crap time", or "work time" (& i don't have a job)
The "magic recipe" is ---> having the alcohol affecting your brain "suitably" + playing the right music + thinking the right thoughts + (of course) feelings the right feelings
Some of my fondest memories in life, are when i was alone, and drunk (& usu at home)
Such as when i used to watch every day a music video of my then-favorite band Cream, in my 70s get-up (old-man's old 70s flares, pop's jacket, green shades), burning incense, and of course drinking (homemade milk-powder milk + Mississippi Moonshine (50/50); usu drinking about 7 doubles worth)
Or another time driving to a secluded bridge over a river. I sat in car continuing to drink from me bottle (my fav spirits of MM), & getting out once or twice to walk & sit amongst the weeping willow trees along the bank of the river .. having a bit a weep myself .. and playing loud headphone (tape walkman back then) music, prob Led Zepp, Cream, Hendrix, George Harrison, Pearl Jam, etc
These are good sensitve personal memories people, so don't ****-me-over with your responses plaese!
Of course one has to be very carful with drinking spirits (of which i steer clear of these days). Spirits (of the alcoholic kind) seemed to "wreak havoc" with my (gad) anxiety levels, & seemed to make me more "aggro" in general. But if you want to keep drinking spirits, i'd highly recommend "mixing it up", say have a few beers --> double of spirits/milk --> slice of bread --> beer --> etc. That seemed to work the best for me, for the alcoholic effect & minimizing the hangeover
Back then, even though i was on meds for depression & anxiety, i strongly felt that i needed an additional medication - alcohol. Without it, the meds just didn't quite "cut it" for me .. hell, even WITH alcohol it didn't cut it, not by a long shot, but it did make my issues/problems "bearable". For instance, if i was "going nuts", then i would turn to the grog, which would pacifiy me substantially, as nothing else could. It helped to get my aggro/rage/etc "out of the system", & to partly "address" some of the emotional problems i had. I was a sick sick puppy back then .. nowadys (10/so years later) i am just a sick dog
For me alcohol has been the thing that has brought me closest to who i am (??)
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