telling people about your SA...keeping it secret

[ScaredToBreathe]

my bro doesn't know i have SA, but my parents and best friend do. my brother and i are EXACT opposites and we dont get along at all. i dont tell him i have SA because i dont think he'd understand, and i dont want him telling others since he tells his friends online everything about everyone. he doesnt understand me at all and is always putting me down saying things like "you think you're superior to everyone. you think you're better than me. you keep everything to yourself." well its just the opposite for me since i feel like everyone is looking down on me and im nothing compared to them, and as much as i wanna talk and tell people things i cant because of my SA. so my bro just doesn't get it at all and i think things might just get worse if i tell him. he doesnt know about my severe SA, my depression, that i take meds every day, the negative thoughts constantly in my head, and how much it hurts me when he's mean to me but i act like i dont care.

have you had similar experiences? any advice? have you ever told someone about your SA when you didn't know if they'd understand it or not, and how'd they react?

 

[Invisibleman]

Ive only told a select few people and they said "you're just shy".After That I dont tell anybody. My mom knows but not because I told her,but because I left this site up accidently and she doesnt really respect my privacy too often....

 

[Hemosapien]

I've not told many people. 3 at most. One if them has it too, so I didnt even have to tell him, we just kind of knew we both had it because we talk all the time. I also told my best friend because she isn't judgemental and Ive known her my whole life. I then made a mistake and told a guy whom I was talking to online via a dating site. He said it was fine, he understood because his ex had autism, so I was relieved. After 3 days of chatting and what not, hes giving me the cold shoulder; not saying hi if were both online or saying the bare minimum when I start a convo. I dont know weather he's just playing a game and wants to see how interested I am, or if he's lost interest and is too polite to block/delete me. Its really messed with my sleeping and my insomnia is back. I just cant stop thinking I shouldnt have told him, and pretended I was normal. I wanted to be honest about it for a change, but it seems to have backfired.

 

[Luka]

i dont know if i actually have SA although im pretty sure so ive kept it to myself just because of fear of what people may think. although i did tell my 'best friend' who drifted away from me shortly after i told her. hmm.

 

[mart22n]

Yea I've told more than 100 people I think - once I even told it on a meeting at my workplace The conclusion I drew: the world's not gonna end. So it's not necessary for me to tell people about it anymore. Of course if I happen to get super-anxious around some people, I'll tell them.

This means it's not a big deal at all. Repeat after me: "I am normal and I will forget the word "social phobia" and I'll gradually stop avoiding social situations and say things I wanna say."

Happy new year's eve!
Martin

 

[EscapeArtist]

Maybe it is better off keeping it a secret, unless you can handle the possibility that may not understand and he may ridicule you about it. I have a sister who doesn't understand at all, and I constantly feel like she's secretly judging me. Sometimes she does make little sly comments about it. I also have a mother who also has social anxiety, and does not like herself, so sometimes she projects that onto me and gets really angry at me for little things like sleeping in, or being in my room for long amounts of time, and then becomes jealous when I do hang out with friends and sometimes that can turn her to be angry at me too.

Then again, if I were to have not told my sister and my mother, they would probably think that I'm a complete disappointment and they want to never be like me. So I am glad that I told them. My older sister is even starting to come around a bit more about it and understand my discomfort.


What happens if you don't tell him? Does he already judge you harshly?

 

[emre43]

After the response I got from someone yesterday I'm only going to tell the people that I can really trust in future.

 

[Azael]

My advice is to accept that you and your brother simply do not mesh well. I can see that you yourself would like that to change, but much of this is up to him to change what is in fact a rather putrid outlook. You cannot change people, you can only try and help them understand. For me, I tried for many years to do the hard yards with my father, in the hope that one day he might click and be more willing to accept me for who I am. That never happened. I realise that interacting with him just doesn't work. I try to be civil with him and that's as far as it goes. I haven't told him about my AvPD either and I think that's a good thing. If he cannot understand me at all now, throwing something like SA or AvPD at him, something he could never grasp, would only make matters worse. I personally feel that this is very much the same scenario with your brother. That he has great connections too could be very bad for you. It doesn't sound like you want the whole world to know you have SA! Just a few thoughts.

 

[Fighter86]

My SA is a well hidden secret.