Tackling Bullying in Schools

[SaharaWorld]

Dear ALL

According to the charity 'Beat Bullying', at least 450,000 school children are bullied in school every week in the UK, and 3 children end up in A & E.

This is such an emotive and relevant topic and I'm hoping it would generate a lot of discussion, perhaps even some creative suggestions.I'm sure some of you have experienced bullying so perhaps you could draw on your own experience.

The most shocking thing for me is that some schools/teachers won't admit they have a problem and more disturbingly, won't intervene when they witness bullying incidents, or when approached by victims and their parents.

What are your views on how teachers, schools and even the government should tackle bullying? Some have suggested that parents should be held accountable (which I disagree with).....What should happen to the bully - punishment or support & re-education or outright expulsion? Is the 'No Blame Approach', whereby victims and bullies get treated the same really appropriate?

 

[Richey]

I was bullied in a big way!! i mean to the point of being beaten up almost every day of term for the whole of year ten. The next year was alot better though and I became an individual! and the rest is history but its had a terrible affect on my self confidence over the years

 

[magda74]

The most shocking thing for me is that some schools/teachers won't admit they have a problem and more disturbingly, won't intervene when they witness bullying incidents, or when approached by victims and their parents.

I'm not sure how schools handle things now, but when I was in school, teachers did not usually step in until it's out of control. We moved alot, so I went to ALOT of schools and for the most part, that was a common problem. I hear alot about bullying now, so I assume the schools are raising awareness, which is a huge step.

I'm bi-racial and was sometimes bullied in school (especially in the small towns) due to racism. My first experience was in kindergarden, so yeah, tolerance is something that needs to be taught right from the beginning.

I don't know what it would take but definitely raise awareness. Maybe have related programs (workbook or working with the school counsellors) early on for bullies to complete instead of just detention, suspend/ expel kids who regularly bully, have some anonymous way for kids to report it (set up by school districts?), related training for teachers, zero tolerance on school grounds and generally more accountability. Anger management/ conflict resolution would be a great thing to teach kids, as well as setting up peer groups. Considering how early this stuff can start, we need to try harder to nip it in the bud.

I've never heard of the no blame policy but it sounds disheartening. You should be told that it's unacceptable to hurt people. Being treated the same as the kid you beat up doesn't leave an impression that bullying is wrong.

 

[Invisible_Alien]

I was bullied a little in grammer school and more in high school. Fortunately for me it was never anything too physical, mostly verbal. I was always too embarassed to report it, so I can't blame the schools. I also usually didn't tell my parents, because their attitude would have been that I should do whatever is necessary to stand up for myself, even if that meant beating the bullies to a pulp. Honestly I gladly would have done that, if I had the means and the courage. Idealistically I think the best way to deal with bullying is to have all the kids in the schoolyard unite and stand up to the bullies. Show them that their behavior won't be tolerated. Realistically that's not going to happen. Yes, the schools should be involved in punishing bullies. If bullies aren't stopped, their behavior will continue and they will grow up thinking that is the best way to behave. I think the schools should also involve the parents of the bullies because most often, what triggers bullying behavior is problems at home. I think if schools had a no tolerance for bullying it might do something. I think many schools are doing that now, just as they have zero tolerance for sexual harrassment.

 

[Horatio]

The "No Blame Approach" works perfectly fine if noone cares if the victim gets smashed to the ground afterwards

I got sick of plucking up the courage to approach the school authorities just to find out that their way of dealing with it was to have a polite talk with those concerned and send us outside on our merry way, turning a blind eye as I was dealt to yet again for being a "nark"

my parents did what they could, talked to a school that didnt want to know about it etc

I could never understand why the Bully's rights to be educated were greater than my right to be treated with respect but put it down to me being a worthless loser

at the time I was at a loss for a solution and after exhausting all other options I was forced to a last resort which involved my wrist and a steak knife which didnt exactly go to plan. Oh well, I guess one person killing themselves is a lot easier for a school to cover up than actually having to take action against bullies and expelling them, that would look bad on the school record wouldnt it...

as to a solution, schools should actually take some affirmitive action... not tolerate ANY bullying in ANY form. But with what I know now about what the long term effects of the bullying would be, if I went through it again I wouldnt hesitate to take a gun to school and kill those concerned and end it all then and there. I know that might sound harsh and the media wouldve interviewed crying Jocks about how I was a loner etc but I wouldntve cared cause for me it wouldve ended then and there instead of still ripping me to peices for the rest of my life

 

[SaharaWorld]

I got sick of plucking up the courage to approach the school authorities just to find out that their way of dealing with it was to have a polite talk with those concerned and send us outside on our merry way, turning a blind eye as I was dealt to yet again for being a "nark"

Hi everyone. Thanks for your suggestions. I've found them extremely useful.

With response to the quote above....that is precisely what I meant in my previous post - the actions of the bullies are appalling as it is......, however, the realisation that the teachers around you (adults who are supposedly in the profession because they care about helping kids and who kids should be able to turn to for support), end up doing nothing, or very little indeed, is completely unforgivable....and actually contributes to the bullying culture and victimisation of the bullied child. Therefore, anti-bullying legislation should hold schools accountable for failing to act.

Schools should set up counselling, peer support intitiatives , assertiveness training and confidence building classes to bullied kids, to ensure the best chance of recovery, rather than letting the effects haunt them for years to come.

Horatio, I really felt for you, have you ever sought help from a counsellor, or professional to address your feelings and how much this has and is still affecting you?

 

[SaharaWorld]

I Idealistically I think the best way to deal with bullying is to have all the kids in the schoolyard unite and stand up to the bullies. Show them that their behavior won't be tolerated. Realistically that's not going to happen. Yes, the schools should be involved in punishing bullies. If bullies aren't stopped, their behavior will continue and they will grow up thinking that is the best way to behave. .

One bully (in a school I've been to), was asked to make a public apology to the victim, before the entire school, following a 'special talk' by the head teacher about bullying and its effects. This was great in sending a clear message that the school will take action against bullies. If only more schools took this stance.

 

[Horatio]

Horatio, I really felt for you, have you ever sought help from a counsellor, or professional to address your feelings and how much this has and is still affecting you?

Yeah I pay about $400 a month for proffesional help, spent thousands on it so far but its not looking like things are going to change for me in a hurry

am seriously thinking about sending my medical bills to my old school and telling them to pay for it because I really cant afford it and am getting into debt

 

[blubs]

On the news this lunchtime there was an item on a 13 year old boy who has just hung himself because he was being bullied.
The school is being investigated, but I doubt anyone will be held accountable.
Schools are a bad environment in general...they're too big now and there's not enough support or interaction between children of different ages and children and adults. They're mostly left to fend for themselves...and all that matters is being accepted by people the same age. It segregates people.

 

[renegade]

I would say shoot the bullies, but first torture them, make them feel the pain of public humiliation to the point that he develops SP and fucks up his life for ever :twisted:

I got bullied only several times in 12th grade and I came close to get beaten at prom by the school bully.

Here is the story. During the whole prom all I did was just sitting at the table alone and enduring anxiety. I took a a few drinks of alcohol to make the embaressement go away a little bit.

Girls used me as some kind of locker: Hey, mind if you keep an eye on my purse while I go dance with my boyfriend ? And I would say Sure, no problem.

I got to the point where I needed to go to the bathroom, so I abandoned all the purses and clothes I was supposed to guard and went to do my thing. As I was washing my hands I saw the school bully that always used to tease me and call me names during the last year.

He came close to me and I noticed him filling his hands with liquid soap and after that he pretended to leave the bathroom. Strange :? I continued washing my hands and I was confuzed about him not noticing me and start bullying me like ussusal.

After a few seconds I felt the liquid soap on my face, in my eyes, in my mouth, nose... he came behind my back when i wasn't aware. :x So I said to myself, I'm never gonna see him again, so i thought: revenge time :twisted:

I took the soap and covered his face with it, boy it felt great. Of course he got mad and grabbed me by the tocksido and pushed me over an wall and screamed at me: say you're sorry !!!. So I said to him: for what ? We're even, you messed me up and I messed you up too, I see no reason to appologise. At this point he was really angry, he started punching me in the stomach, good thing I kept my abdomen tense so that didn't do me much damage.

He saw that his punching had no effect and soon I grabbed his arm. During all this scene, a friend of his was watching and yelling: Say it, jurk, are you stupid ? Say it and you'll be free. But I knew that would mean defeat. The bully soon threathened me to punch me in the face if I don't let go of his arm. I knew this was becoming a serious danger, I knew that I had chances of beating him if it were a 1 on 1 fight, but I knew very well that his friend would join the fight, so I would stand no chance.

I felt intense fear and in the same time anger, it is a confuzing feeling. So I released his hands and told him: Ok, i'll say I'm sorry if you say that to mee to. I insisted till he agreed and I was glad I didn't gave up and be the defeated one again. So in the end, we both appologised to each other, and I guess I somehow earnerd his respect cause I stood up to him.

Later, he even came to me at the table and apollogised once again, he said he was sorry for ruining my night and spoke to me in a friendly way. He encouraged me to to go get a girl: pick one cause there are so many girls there who wait for a boy to ask them to dance. He said: '' Go get yourself a girl you like, you'll see you'll feel awesome. He even came a second time to check on me and encouraged me again to go have fun but he couldn't understand why I sat there at the table all the time alone and probally felt guilt. :roll:

Overall, he was a not so bad person after all, and I want to think that he used to bully me not because he was mean and wanted to harm me but just for fun. The thing is he doesn't understand how much trauma his actions can cause to an individual, but that isn't an excuse for him. He didn't added much to my SP, but as I heard they can be the cause of SP for some unfortunate people.

That is one of the reason I joined martial arts now, although I know that it will never be a 1 on 1 fight but I'll try to stand up to them from now on. I wish I though of that earlier.