Zipper
Well-known member
I've been where a lot of you are -- having a lot of anxious and irrational thoughts in my mind, avoiding social situations, being very self-critical and self-labeling. I use to suffer in the ways that you suffer.
But now? Now I have a great job that I love. In that job, I meet a dozen new people every day and interact with them. I live away from home, I don't rely on anyone for support, I trust myself to get where I need to go. I live independently, pay my bills and save for the future. In my job I regularly speak to audiences of 100 or more people. Basically I do not suffer from any emotional problems. Of course there are moments of stress and anxiety, but I put those in the proper place. I let them energize me and motivate me, but I never allow them to halt anything I wish to do. There is no normal human activity that I avoid, do not do, or cannot do. I do not anticipate a relapse. I am extremely happy with my life, and I am glad that the sun has broken through the clouds of my negative emotions.
How did I recover? I took responsibility for all of my emotions and all of my beliefs. I threw out all of my beliefs that were not helpful (including my religion), and I learned to manage my emotions. What I learned is that thoughts and ideas are not real, and I get to choose what I believe and how I feel. I get to choose what feelings I indulge and what feelings I will follow. I refuse to negatively label myself, and I don't much care if anyone negatively labels me. I give myself permission to make mistakes and to do things wrong. I don't worry about my errors but try to see the positive side of everything. ::
For example, I give a lot of public speeches. Of course I am nervous beforehand, but I tell myself: "these butterflies in my stomach, this adrenaline is intended to make me perform well, the purpose of my reaction is not to stop me from speaking." Of course I make mistakes in my speech -- I sometimes stutter, I mispronounce things, etc. but every mistake is simply an opportunity to learn, and there is some valuable thing that I gave to my audience regardless of all the problems with my address. I used to tell myself and others that I didn't like public speaking, but now I tell myself that I love it. And truth is, I kind of do like it! It is a thrill to get up in front of others, and while I partly dread it, I partly look forward to it as well! Just by saying out of my mouth: "I love to give this talk," I begin to truly enjoy it and look forward to it.
So the one advice I would give you is this: be mature, take responsiblity for your feelings and attitudes. Always look on the bright side of things and be a "glass half full" type of person. You can make an attempt at doing something and, even if there are a million flaws with it, there is SOMETHING valuable, SOMETHING worthwhile at the bottom of it -- SOMETHING that you can offer to others. If you focus on this, you can build from it and do better next time. I'm not sure if my words encourage you, but I hope they do, because I know how you feel, and I know that things get better -- especially as you age and mature: I also highly recommend that you become familiar with the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy and the therapeutic approach of Albert Ellis.
But now? Now I have a great job that I love. In that job, I meet a dozen new people every day and interact with them. I live away from home, I don't rely on anyone for support, I trust myself to get where I need to go. I live independently, pay my bills and save for the future. In my job I regularly speak to audiences of 100 or more people. Basically I do not suffer from any emotional problems. Of course there are moments of stress and anxiety, but I put those in the proper place. I let them energize me and motivate me, but I never allow them to halt anything I wish to do. There is no normal human activity that I avoid, do not do, or cannot do. I do not anticipate a relapse. I am extremely happy with my life, and I am glad that the sun has broken through the clouds of my negative emotions.
How did I recover? I took responsibility for all of my emotions and all of my beliefs. I threw out all of my beliefs that were not helpful (including my religion), and I learned to manage my emotions. What I learned is that thoughts and ideas are not real, and I get to choose what I believe and how I feel. I get to choose what feelings I indulge and what feelings I will follow. I refuse to negatively label myself, and I don't much care if anyone negatively labels me. I give myself permission to make mistakes and to do things wrong. I don't worry about my errors but try to see the positive side of everything. :
:For example, I give a lot of public speeches. Of course I am nervous beforehand, but I tell myself: "these butterflies in my stomach, this adrenaline is intended to make me perform well, the purpose of my reaction is not to stop me from speaking." Of course I make mistakes in my speech -- I sometimes stutter, I mispronounce things, etc. but every mistake is simply an opportunity to learn, and there is some valuable thing that I gave to my audience regardless of all the problems with my address. I used to tell myself and others that I didn't like public speaking, but now I tell myself that I love it. And truth is, I kind of do like it! It is a thrill to get up in front of others, and while I partly dread it, I partly look forward to it as well! Just by saying out of my mouth: "I love to give this talk," I begin to truly enjoy it and look forward to it.
So the one advice I would give you is this: be mature, take responsiblity for your feelings and attitudes. Always look on the bright side of things and be a "glass half full" type of person. You can make an attempt at doing something and, even if there are a million flaws with it, there is SOMETHING valuable, SOMETHING worthwhile at the bottom of it -- SOMETHING that you can offer to others. If you focus on this, you can build from it and do better next time.
I'm not sure if my words encourage you, but I hope they do, because I know how you feel, and I know that things get better -- especially as you age and mature: I also highly recommend that you become familiar with the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy and the therapeutic approach of Albert Ellis.
