Stuck

[FaymeLevy]

Hey ya'll. Been quite a long time since i've stopped by, but today I have been feeling rather down.

I just have an overwhemling feeling of being "stuck" in my life. I'm 23 years old, and have had SP for 10 years, the last 7 being housebound. I left junior high, but i got my ged. no work experience or even any IDEA about what I could possibly do with no experience and limited to no contact with people. i have no money or insurance to get treatment for my SP.

I live with my mother, and she's great (most of the time). She takes care of me with no complaint (just the occassional joke about it). But everytime I mention wanting to change, but needing help to do it, she just changes the subject or gives me a damn line like "It's up to you to change." Like I can just wake up in the morning and be alright.

The problem is, It just seems like it's alright with everyone in my family if i stay this way forever. My mom is still healthy and young (in early 40's) and they have already made plans for who will take me when she dies! I mean, its nice they want to take care of me, but why dont they want me to change?

*sigh* Sorry, had to ramble and nobody else will listen. Thanks ya'll.

 

[cLavain]

Hey FL,
The first thing that crosses my mind is that you don't need them to make a change. First thing to do would be to find some sort of job, even if it's unskilled work, it is a vital step towards independence. And if that seems impossible due to SA, then perhaps you can pick up a self-help book to improve your social skills enough to make it possible?

 

[Meow]

It sounds like your mum loves you very much but she is afraid to let go, it sounds like HER problem not yours. She seems to be very good to you where most people would be pushing for changes, my bet is she is afraid for you you to change because that means having to let go. Is she married? is it just you and her? She seems to still think of you as a child and is holding you back.

Like what has already been said, you do not need her to change. If you need to know where to start WE here on this board can point you in the right direction, it's hard changing by yourself but you CAN do it.

This really sounds like her problem and not yours.

 

[garnet]

Hi FaymeLevy! Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it lately. I have started to pull myself out of a slump and I know just how you are feeling at the minute. The best advice about that is to remember that the bad moments will pass.

Although I totally empathise with you, I actually think your mum is right on this one. You have to be ready to take the first steps to get back on track. Otherwise you get more and more stressed if you try to do things e.g. get a job just because other people think you should.

If you are ready to start a new job, perhaps you should try to get a part-time job with unusual hours and limited contact with the public, just to get you introduced to such an environment e.g. early morning or late nights in supermarket.

Then if you feel you can handle this, you can start to look for more hours. Once you are earning a regular income, you could start to put some money aside to get some professional help such as cognitive behavioural therapy.

I was in a similar situation to yourself and I was so stressed because I knew there was alot that I wanted/needed to do. But I found relief once I started to accept the fact that these things take time. Don't be hard on yourself (as we with SP tend to be!) and try to do one little thing each day to help you tackle this.

Don't be disheartened if you experience set-backs or have 'down-days'. We have suffered from SP for many years, so it's only natural that it will take some time to fight it.

I hope I have been of some use to u and I wish you every success. You are in control of your phobia - don't let it control you.

 

[FaymeLevy]

Thank you all for your replies. It means alot to me.

cLavain---I've read many self-help books, but can never seem to find anything to hold onto and help me through it. I am just TERRIFIED of being around or speaking to people. So much so, I can't go out and get my own mail if the neighbors are around.

Meow---Yes, It is just my Mother and I. She never married or had any other kids. I know she has said many times that she doesnt like to be alone, and if i ever did move out, she would have to call me constantly. (that comment is usually followed by the "but you'll never move out" comment). I understand where everyone is coming from, when they say it is up to me to change, but I really am clueless as to how to begin. As I said in my previous comments, I find it difficult to leave the house for anything at all, and speaking to someone I dont know, even more tramatic. *sigh* I dunno.

garnet--I considered an overnight job, but then my mind started spinning again, thinking of all kinds of problems. For example...I can't drive, and if i work those late hours and have to walk...isnt that dangerous? Plus, how would I even get the job, if I cant speak to the employer? And if i managed to get out the few words, I dont think i'd be very convincing that I could do the work.


Im sorry I am so negative. It's in my nature to look at the downside and argue the point. (Mom often joked that if i didnt have SP, i would have made a good lawyer cuz im good at making arguements when there isnt any arguments. LOL) It really does make me feel a little better just knowing ya'll care enough to say something.

 

[garnet]

Hey there Fayme!

:idea: Don't worry at all about feeling negative...it's a big part of my SP too. I am seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist at the moment and they have recognised this constant negativity in me. So they introduced me to a wonderful method where you note down the date and time when something has annoyed you (related to your SP). Then in a column beside this you write down your feelings. In the next column you write down your automatic thought...this could be 'I'll never beat my SP' or 'I'm a failure because I can't do...' Then you write down in the next column a positive comment to use instead of the negative one. Its helpful to think of what you would say to your mum or friend in a similar situation.

Basically what you are doing is slowly implanting more positive images in your mind so that eventually, the automatic thought you have wont be so negative.

I have found this a helpful technique but I admit, it's hard trying to think of the positive comments at times. :?

Have you thought of phoning a help-line relating to SP? There are several in the UK which will allow you to receive counselling over the phone for an hour per week. I don't know where you are from so I don't know if such a service will exist near where you live.

In the mean-time, keep us posted on how you are getting on. I'm in the early stages of combatting my SP too, so I know how you are feeling.

 

[garnet]

Hey there Fayme!

:idea: Don't worry at all about feeling negative...it's a big part of my SP too. I am seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist at the moment and they have recognised this constant negativity in me. So they introduced me to a wonderful method where you note down the date and time when something has annoyed you (related to your SP). Then in a column beside this you write down your feelings. In the next column you write down your automatic thought...this could be 'I'll never beat my SP' or 'I'm a failure because I can't do...' Then you write down in the next column a positive comment to use instead of the negative one. Its helpful to think of what you would say to your mum or friend in a similar situation.

Basically what you are doing is slowly implanting more positive images in your mind so that eventually, the automatic thought you have wont be so negative.

I have found this a helpful technique but I admit, it's hard trying to think of the positive comments at times. :?

Have you thought of phoning a help-line relating to SP? There are several in the UK which will allow you to receive counselling over the phone for an hour per week. I don't know where you are from so I don't know if such a service will exist near where you live.

In the mean-time, keep us posted on how you are getting on. I'm in the early stages of combatting my SP too, so I know how you are feeling.

 

[garnet]

Hey there Fayme!

:idea: Don't worry at all about feeling negative...it's a big part of my SP too. I am seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist at the moment and they have recognised this constant negativity in me. So they introduced me to a wonderful method where you note down the date and time when something has annoyed you (related to your SP). Then in a column beside this you write down your feelings. In the next column you write down your automatic thought...this could be 'I'll never beat my SP' or 'I'm a failure because I can't do...' Then you write down in the next column a positive comment to use instead of the negative one. Its helpful to think of what you would say to your mum or friend in a similar situation.

Basically what you are doing is slowly implanting more positive images in your mind so that eventually, the automatic thought you have wont be so negative.

I have found this a helpful technique but I admit, it's hard trying to think of the positive comments at times. :?

Have you thought of phoning a help-line relating to SP? There are several in the UK which will allow you to receive counselling over the phone for an hour per week. I don't know where you are from so I don't know if such a service will exist near where you live.

In the mean-time, keep us posted on how you are getting on. I'm in the early stages of combatting my SP too, so I know how you are feeling.

 

[shipost]

lol I just burst out laughing at the bit where they've made plans, they must care alot but that is to funny. Might aswell stay how you are then :wink: