Stuck

[CccT]

I have been reading this forum and similar sites for years and never seen anyone as f'd up as i am. I have OCD,
Agoraphobia, AvPD, BDD, Depression, Highly Sensitive Person, and probably some other stuff. I'm not officially
diagnosed but i'm sure i have all of these. I'm 33 years old male and i'm completely stuck and don't know what to
do with myself. I rarely post on forums but today i feel extremely depressed and feel the need to vent (i don't
know if this is the right word as i don't know this language well)

I've been living a reclusive life since early 90's, i can go into the garden but i can't go any further. I have no
friends online or in real life, no education, never worked in a job etc. Probably 10 year olds have more life
skills than i do. I really don't know anything about the life outside. Also i'm very immature for my age.

The reason i have never been able to do anything about my life is probably my severe depression and lack of
motivation. I live in small town and everyone in this place knows about me and that's why i can't go anywhere
because as soon as i step out of the garden i will be under spot lights and they will be like "oh,look at that freak
who never leaves his house is finally out after 20 years". I have no panic attacks so i would probably be able to
go out for a walk or ride a bike if i lived in a place where no one knew anything about me. But in this place it's
impossible. I don't think i can deal with being stared at all the time so i have no option but to stay inside. Also
even if i started going out tomorrow i would be shocked to see how much this place and people has changed.
The people who i remember as little kids are now grown adults and the ones i remember as young people are
now quite aged.

I'm so much ashamed of my condition that i don't have a chance to start a new life in this place as i will be
hearing questions, comments or judgements about my past for the rest of my life if i stayed here and tried to
start a new life. I want to leave this place so bad but i don't have any means to do that, no money, job, life
experience or whatever is needed to achieve that. Even if i moved from here i'd have no job prospects with my
non existant education and also i am physcially and mentally very weak. Suicide would be the logical solution
for me but i can't do that either. So, yeah i'm completely stuck.

Sorry for the post full of sentences filled with 'i's, and thanks for reading.

 

[da_illest101]

Do you live with your parents?

Obviously it's easier said than done, but you have to go back outside and face the world. There is no other way

 

[Meggy0001]

To change things you will have to step outside your comfort zone. People may look when you do go out but how long will it last? a little while and soon they will get over it and move on, that is usually what people do. Try it a couple times and see what happens.

 

[Lea]

That´s pretty sh*t, I am stuck too so I know how it feels, but I can at least go out.. but otherwise I have almost nonexistent perspectives jobwise, socially and so ::.

 

[CccT]

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah i live with my parents and i also have a brother. My parents are old and i don't know what i will do when they go
because i certainly can't go and live with my brother who doesn't care about me much. I know i have to face my fears
and shouldn't care about what others may think about me but im my case, as i tried to describe, it feels impossible
starting again in this place.

No, nothing bad happened to me in this town. I stopped going out because of many things, first i have BDD and i feel
i'm very ugly. Also over the years i had acne problems which left bad acne scars which destroyed my already low
self confidence. Also i was treated badly by other people including teachers at school, other kids and even complete
strangers. I eventually lost my trust for people and decided avoding them would be the best. If people around me tried
to help when this problems started i could have been in a difefrent situation right now but they ignored me or didn't know
what to to about me and i was also not able to help myself.

I saw a doctor only once in my life (my bro took me there) but i couldn't talk to her, then she ended up prescribing me
paxil which didn't do much. I don't think i can see another therapist because i can't afford it.

 

[Daniel089]

Hello!

I feel sorry for your situation, I'm afraid I can't help you specifically. I can relate to you somehow. I'm 23 this year, and have no life experience either, no friends, never had girlfriend either, not even a date, though I live in a city with 2m people, so I'm even in bigger sh*t than you! The only thing I'm quite sure of is that I'm not ugly in women's eyes.
I think we both know that we would have to change so much in our lifes to become social. I think we should just live for the present, and stop worrying what will come out of it in the future...

 

[CccT]

Hello!

I feel sorry for your situation, I'm afraid I can't help you specifically. I can relate to you somehow. I'm 23 this year, and have no life experience either, no friends, never had girlfriend either, not even a date, though I live in a city with 2m people, so I'm even in bigger sh*t than you! The only thing I'm quite sure of is that I'm not ugly in women's eyes.
I think we both know that we would have to change so much in our lifes to become social. I think we should just live for the present, and stop worrying what will come out of it in the future...

Thanks, Daniel. Yeah i've just checked your profile and seen that you're quite goodlooking. Being in a relationship is a bit farfetched for me as i don't see any woman to like my scarface but i'm glad to hear you are confident in that department.

I hope things work out fine for you.

 

[ghostgrrl]

Sometimes starting a new life where no one knows you can be the best thing for your personal growth and confidence in oneself. Maybe your parents can help you start somewhere not too far away. Jobwise.. theres always jobs out there... people are just picky or think that kind of job is beneath them. Its not solely about education or experience its taking advantage of every opportunity and having a work ethic in whatever you do. You don't know until you try and all the better if your parents support you on this. You can always go back home if you find it too much but at least you tried.