kjkinger77
New member
Hey i am new here and this is my first post.... Here's my story... I work for the railroad and we work out in gangs and different ppl come and go. Well one guy cam to my gang for about a month and then he went to another gang in the company... about a month after he left the guys told me he shot himself in the head. He fought out in Iraq and apparently had some really seriously issue like PTSD or something i dont know. Anyway ever since then i have constant thoughts of this guy shooting himself and i sometimes get the thoughts of me shooting myself. I am by no means suicidal or depressed or anything like that but for some reason i keep having these thoughts the are basically stuck... I get anxiety and stress from them i get these tension headaches as well. I don't know whether I have OCD or just anxiety but it really bothers me. I am not like that, i love life, i enjoy seeing beautiful things nature has to offer I love my family and my girlfriend, I do not want to hurt myself AT ALL. So why am i thinking this stuff??? It seemed like something sparked in my head when i heard about this guy who committed suicide. I have heard about other people in the past doing it and it NEVER bothered me one bit I mean i had sympathy but i wasn't scared of my own thoughts like i am now. I don't understand how i woke up one day and was like this. I was lazy for a little awhile and living somewhat of a stressful life, just from work, driving there and such, rushing around a lot basically. I would appreciate it if some of you guys no what the deal is and could give me some advice... I am seeing a therapist for this and he is starting to do this Rapid Eye Movement Disensitization or whatever it is and i started exercising again, they say it helps allieviate stress and anxiety. I read that hypnosis helps and i have been reading books and stuff so i am trying to fight this crap but it sucks ya know. So let me know guys thanks!
