story about a boy and a girl

[mr-holly]

hmm... i talked with a lotta people about 'the story' and what i noticed is that peops who have psychological issues themselves, such as you sa-kids here, tend to be more negative and less understandig about the whole thing. e.g. worrydoll stopped all communication with me after i had joked around about chatting up another girl in the bus...

some of you who read the 'buried-alive'-story might be interested what happend during the last year:
well, i got more depressed when i saw the girl with a male friend in the bus (yeah, i'm a jealous bastard, hehe). i was under medical treatment for some months, but pills and psychotherapy made me feel even worse! so i broke up with it. i quitted my job since i was too tired and depressed to work (and of course, i couldn't be bothered to see the girl with this guy every other day on the busride home)
i wrote two letters to the girl's mum, but she didn't reply.
so i had to visit the girl and her mum at home and went to their house in order to have a conversation.

now i'm meeting the girl's mum regularly and spend some time with her. that's it...

 

[mr-holly]

hey, no wanton insults please!
of course, i asked via e-mail before if it's ok that i come over to talk to her mum. it's no stalking!!

my point is that communication between all the involved parties is the best way to solve interpersonal conflicts. it's a mystery to me how people like you can have a different opinion on that... :?

 

[renegade]

<but i don't think the way the girl acts is normal either, what do you think? >
The girl wants to be left alone..whats not normal about that? What part of “leave me alone” don’t you understand?

1.You spend countless hours learning her language so you can say something to impress her…doesn’t work. Then you proceed to rationalize by saying that she might not have realized how much work and time when into learning that phrase. (quote) “Maybe she just didn't realize that he had learned it only for her sake. She might have thought he had learned it somewhere by chance and just wanted to show off a little with it.“

2.You spend (?) long researching music and creating a CD with songs you ‘think’ she’ll like – and again, give it to her expecting some sort of result which doesn’t happen. She wants you to leave her alone…that’s her privilege…she doesn’t owe you anything.

3.You tried to convince her to email you – again she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t HAVE to either. Yet inspite of that – and on top of the fact she does not give you her email address willingly, you look it up and send her unsolicited mail. (quote) “Fortunately he was able to track down her e-mail address in the internet. Hence he wrote a long and sentimental e-mail.“ Then, after she doesn’t answer you blame her for your unhappiness. (quote 1) Being ignored after such a disarming letter was like being shot with the white flag in hands. (quote 2) „When he talked to her for the first time, he thought next time she would do the first step and save him the effort of overcoming his shyness. He thought she would talk to him or at least signal willingness for talking with him, but she never did him this favour. She would keep herself turned away from him. And with every approach he made that failed to change this situation, he became more and more insecure and nervous about talking to her, but also about talking to girls in general. He's always been shy and reserved, but now was absolutely discouraged for making social contacts. He didn't want to end up again feeling like an obtrusive creep.“


I think I have made my case and point. Yes, you are stalking – yes you are obsessed, and yes you are wrong to continue the behavior. Any behavior focused on another person that is NOT solicited nor wanted is a form of abuse. Making up excuses for your behavior, blaming the victim for your feelings is abuse. You even went as far as to blame her NATIONALITY for being part of the reason she wants to be left alone.
Its much the same thing we tell people about rape – NO MEANS NO. I just feel bad that the girl is shy and that theres a language barrier preventing her from saying that magic word. So I say it for her….read the signs…LEAVE ME ALONE.

RW

:evil: I couldn't help it to express my anger towards this post. I just want to strangle and beat the hell out of this person who wrote this.

So, dear miss, as I presume you are a girl who went through the same experience as the girl the author of this topic was trying to be with, I don't know if you are a social phobic or just shy or just a wise ass who wants to be heard.

But that doesn't give u the right to speak like this, when I see this kind of advice it just makes me shoot the person who gives it. If you said that to me it would have hurt like hell, but you probablly don't know how much harm and pain can insults like that can bring to us sp-ers.

It sounds to me like u ment: ''f*ck off loser, are you mentally retarded or something and can't see that she never wants to see or talk to you again, stalker...I don't know why do u keep trying and , u don't even stand a chance, leave her alone, freak''

Sorry if I offended anyone, but I had to let that out (not an excuse I know) and tell guest named RW to learn to give an advice without criticism and without making feel the other like a loser or the last man on earth :!:

I didn't say that what he did is wrong or wright and I didn't suggested that he should keep trying or stop contacting her. I was very irritaded by the way RW made her/his point.

 

[mr-holly]

@ renegade: as far as i remember, rw is a man older than 40. some of his posts have been deleted for some reason...

@ worrydoll: sorry, i don't understand!? it's about the girl and me. so why do you talk of random strangers?

@ yetisbabe: as you can see, some people are not like you, but nice and friendly!! instead of calling the police, the girl's mum invited me to visit her whenever i feel like. last week we went for a walk together and had a nice time...
and, well, what do you want tell the police actually?? "help me! there's a boy, he wants to talk to me because my daughter makes him sad... get him into jail!" i guess the police would get YOU into a mental hospital!!

 

[mr-holly]

yes, you're right - that's just YOU! a normal person wouldn't act like that.
you would ask the police 'to make sure that a boy understands that your daughter wants him kept away fom her'? what do you think will they say?
the police will probably answer like this: 'why don't you just tell this the boy yourself?' and then they'll advise you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, as it's just ridiculous to call the police because of such things...
i didn't pester the girl or her mum, i just wanted to sort things out, eliminate misunderstandings etc., therefore i went to talk to them... and as you can see: it was a good thing that i did this!

 

[blubs]

From the point of view of a timid man...perhaps you don't see the harm in this kind of behaviour...after all, you know in your own mind your own intentions. But women have to be aware of their own safety. If you've never had a close female friend perhaps you find it difficult to understand a female view point. But speaking as a women...behaviour like this IS intimidating and I would be frightened if someone persisted in trying to make contact with me after I'd shown no interest.
I hope this is just huge naivity on your part. (and nothing more sinister)..& that you'll come to see things from a women's point of view in time.

 

[mr-holly]

And...if you think that the police would not get involved then you are deluded. :roll:

why should the police get involved? no criminal action here and it's not a threat if someone asks if he can come over and have a conversation...

Did you get the girl??? Are you the best of friends?? Did your form of courtship win her over???

at least a step forward. i think now she understands my situation better. she said we could keep contact.

From the point of view of a timid man...perhaps you don't see the harm in this kind of behaviour...after all, you know in your own mind your own intentions. But women have to be aware of their own safety. If you've never had a close female friend perhaps you find it difficult to understand a female view point. But speaking as a women...behaviour like this IS intimidating and I would be frightened if someone persisted in trying to make contact with me after I'd shown no interest.
I hope this is just huge naivity on your part. (and nothing more sinister)..& that you'll come to see things from a women's point of view in time.

yeah, i think you got some good points. well, the thing is that she didn't really give me a chance to make my intentions clear. i'm not a bad person, it just made me insecure that she would be so cold and distant to me, although i just tried to be nice and not pushy with my approaches. so this conversation with her and her mum was necessary...

 

[Scottish_Player]

Hi mr Holly, i know exactly how you feel here, and when someone dosent like you as much as you like them, it hurts like hell, ive been like that a few times where ive had so much love for someone and they dont know it and i dont know how to show it. Not so long ago there was a girl/woman that i liked and we got on great and i felt like i wanted to move it on a little but i know it would just never worked and well basically i would rather have the friendship i have with her than ruin it all by trying for anything more, i wrote this about the same time as my feelings for her where changing.I never have let her read it though, it was just a way for me to get my feelings out :roll:

How do you tell a stranger u love them
Without them freaking out
How do you show your feelings
And tell them what your all about

Our friendship grew on my part more than it did yours
My friendship grew to love and yours just stayed the same
Its not my fault i cant help it, its my emotions that are to blame

I dont want to feel this way but at the same time i do
I want to be able to express the love and care i have for you
Even although i know you dont feel the same
if i showed you my feelings, would i be the one to blame.

There times you can talk to me for hours
Theres times you dont talk at all
Theres times where i do all the talking
and you just go along

I know that nothing can happen
cause our worlds are not the same
But please dont stop talking to me for all this
as its my emotions that are to blame.

 

[mr-holly]

@ scottish player... nice. i also started to write some poems...

obviously theres nothing remotely strange about the situation. its not like youre obsessed or something.

being in love...

thats why you came back to give us an annual update. because its all just very casual. can happen to anyone..

not anyone meets a girl who is that special!

a stranger fall in love

some people even believe in love at first sight. and i would see her daily for a couple of weeks until i fell in love... so, nothing wrong with it, is it?

website

that was a bad idea indeed. i nuff apologized...

cd, learn language

a shy boy trying to get a girl's attention... casual i guess

quit job over it

some people even commit suicide due to jealousy!

become friends with their mother

her mum is nice. why not making friends with a nice person?

 

[ShadowCat]

Mr. Holly, do you want to know what this is like in the girl's point of view? (I hope I get the story right, all those posts were deleted and all) So the girl is just going on the bus like she always does. Then this stranger watches her, tries to talk to her, she doesn't want to talk. She just wants to be left alone. The man keeps bothering her. This strange man makes her a CD, website, spoke to her in a different language, and she still shows no interest. She just wants this man to leave her alone. He won't take a hint. Then this strange man meets and talks to her mother. I'm sorry, but if that is not stalking, then what is? Can't you take a hint? You're lucky that the mother didn't call the police. She probably doesn't really understand what is going on. A strange man just keeps bothering her daughter when she shows no interest. If someone doesn't like you, don't keep bothering them.

 

[mr-holly]

shadowcat... you haven't read the story....