story about a boy and a girl
- Thread starter mr-holly
- Start date
mr-holly
Member
as mentioned in the story, i did never tell her that i had been in love with her. you can't compare it with the usual "girl rejects boy who's looking for a love affair"-cases. i didn't have too high expectations. getting her to say 'hello' to me when she sees me at the bus stop would have been at least something. but it never happend. even if i said 'goodbye' to her after we had talked, she would never say 'goodbye' back...
i don't understand, why.
oh, i had found out her address and phone number long before i discovered her e-mail addy. i only needed to feed google with the info about her first name and the village she lives. but don't worry, i did never pester her with phone calls or walked to her house. i respect people's boundaries. i'm not a stalker!!
Anonymous
Well-known member
<but i don't think the way the girl acts is normal either, what do you think? >
The girl wants to be left alone..whats not normal about that? What part of “leave me alone” don’t you understand?
1.You spend countless hours learning her language so you can say something to impress her…doesn’t work. Then you proceed to rationalize by saying that she might not have realized how much work and time when into learning that phrase. (quote) “Maybe she just didn't realize that he had learned it only for her sake. She might have thought he had learned it somewhere by chance and just wanted to show off a little with it.“
2.You spend (?) long researching music and creating a CD with songs you ‘think’ she’ll like – and again, give it to her expecting some sort of result which doesn’t happen. She wants you to leave her alone…that’s her privilege…she doesn’t owe you anything.
3.You tried to convince her to email you – again she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t HAVE to either. Yet inspite of that – and on top of the fact she does not give you her email address willingly, you look it up and send her unsolicited mail. (quote) “Fortunately he was able to track down her e-mail address in the internet. Hence he wrote a long and sentimental e-mail.“ Then, after she doesn’t answer you blame her for your unhappiness. (quote 1) Being ignored after such a disarming letter was like being shot with the white flag in hands. (quote 2) „When he talked to her for the first time, he thought next time she would do the first step and save him the effort of overcoming his shyness. He thought she would talk to him or at least signal willingness for talking with him, but she never did him this favour. She would keep herself turned away from him. And with every approach he made that failed to change this situation, he became more and more insecure and nervous about talking to her, but also about talking to girls in general. He's always been shy and reserved, but now was absolutely discouraged for making social contacts. He didn't want to end up again feeling like an obtrusive creep.“
I think I have made my case and point. Yes, you are stalking – yes you are obsessed, and yes you are wrong to continue the behavior. Any behavior focused on another person that is NOT solicited nor wanted is a form of abuse. Making up excuses for your behavior, blaming the victim for your feelings is abuse. You even went as far as to blame her NATIONALITY for being part of the reason she wants to be left alone.
Its much the same thing we tell people about rape – NO MEANS NO. I just feel bad that the girl is shy and that theres a language barrier preventing her from saying that magic word. So I say it for her….read the signs…LEAVE ME ALONE.
RW
The girl wants to be left alone..whats not normal about that? What part of “leave me alone” don’t you understand?
1.You spend countless hours learning her language so you can say something to impress her…doesn’t work. Then you proceed to rationalize by saying that she might not have realized how much work and time when into learning that phrase. (quote) “Maybe she just didn't realize that he had learned it only for her sake. She might have thought he had learned it somewhere by chance and just wanted to show off a little with it.“
2.You spend (?) long researching music and creating a CD with songs you ‘think’ she’ll like – and again, give it to her expecting some sort of result which doesn’t happen. She wants you to leave her alone…that’s her privilege…she doesn’t owe you anything.
3.You tried to convince her to email you – again she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t HAVE to either. Yet inspite of that – and on top of the fact she does not give you her email address willingly, you look it up and send her unsolicited mail. (quote) “Fortunately he was able to track down her e-mail address in the internet. Hence he wrote a long and sentimental e-mail.“ Then, after she doesn’t answer you blame her for your unhappiness. (quote 1) Being ignored after such a disarming letter was like being shot with the white flag in hands. (quote 2) „When he talked to her for the first time, he thought next time she would do the first step and save him the effort of overcoming his shyness. He thought she would talk to him or at least signal willingness for talking with him, but she never did him this favour. She would keep herself turned away from him. And with every approach he made that failed to change this situation, he became more and more insecure and nervous about talking to her, but also about talking to girls in general. He's always been shy and reserved, but now was absolutely discouraged for making social contacts. He didn't want to end up again feeling like an obtrusive creep.“
I think I have made my case and point. Yes, you are stalking – yes you are obsessed, and yes you are wrong to continue the behavior. Any behavior focused on another person that is NOT solicited nor wanted is a form of abuse. Making up excuses for your behavior, blaming the victim for your feelings is abuse. You even went as far as to blame her NATIONALITY for being part of the reason she wants to be left alone.
Its much the same thing we tell people about rape – NO MEANS NO. I just feel bad that the girl is shy and that theres a language barrier preventing her from saying that magic word. So I say it for her….read the signs…LEAVE ME ALONE.
RW
mr-holly
Member
don't you think there are more polite and less discouraging ways to say 'leave me alone' to a shy boy than just acting like he wouldn't exist?
i can't force people to like me, but i wished she would just be so fair and tell me why she doesn't like me. i wanna be a better person, but she doesn't give me a chance...
i watch her with other people smiling, talking friendly, saying 'hi' and 'goodbye' and i ask myself, why am i excluded?
i asked her: "can you recommend some songs? could you send me an e-mail" and she said "sure!". if she doesn't want me to have her e-mail addy for whatever reason, she just could have said 'sorry, i don't have internet' etc. and scribbled some song names on a piece of paper and pass it to me on the bus...
sorry, i don't see in which point of the story i'm stalking??! i never followed her or something. i never forced my self on her by sitting next to her (except for that one time when i gave her the cd on the bus ride). sometimes i even try to avoid seeing her; as mentioned in the story: "Nothing is more painful than to see that a person you dearly love is totally alienated against you."
LilMissTragic
Well-known member
The reason she doesnt give you a reason is simply, why should she.
Not being mean to you, just trying to make you realise that people dont have to give others excuses or reasons if they do not wish to.
Not being mean to you, just trying to make you realise that people dont have to give others excuses or reasons if they do not wish to.
Anonymous
Well-known member
If she was a good person and cared about you and the state of the world she would try to make an attempt to educate you. But, remember just because she doesn't make an attempt doesn't make her a bad person. She may be emmotionally immature and making the effort to reason with you is just too much for her. You should respect that she maybe immature and just leave her alone. There is nothing in the world you can do about it.
Anonymous
Well-known member
oh yeah, if you can't be there for her your life makes no sense. That is rubbish. It sound's like you may need to grow up yourself. You will meet more people who you feel this way towards and you will eventually grow up when you realize that you have self worth no matter who you bond with. Take care.
Anonymous
Well-known member
I agree w/ worry. You may think that she can ease your pain by giving you explanations, but the reality is you will keep coming up w/ more and more questions to come to terms with your emotions. The reality of the matter is- no matter how cold she may seem, she isn't obligated to do anything. And by pressuring her she will continue to grow more and more distant. From experience I can say that maybe both of you need to mature a bit. Try to stop awefullizing everything. I know that it is hard to do... but after time you will start to feel normal again. Maybe after you do this and start respecting yourself you will eventually find true love. Be strong 
.
Last thing- she doesn't have to, shouldn't have to, and musn't have to do anything.
take care.
. Last thing- she doesn't have to, shouldn't have to, and musn't have to do anything.
take care.
Johnie
Well-known member
Although I agree that it's wrong to go too far and stress the girl out, there are other issues involved here.
In our society there are certain avenues that are considered appropriate when a guy is trying to make out with a girl. But some people (like someone with SP, or another handicap like being blind, or having MS say), have problems going this route. So either they can give up on girls entirely, or they can be original and go at it their own way.
As an S-P myself I find that certain aspects of the society I live in stink; it seems they were put there to keep people like me out. Because of this I do not feel constrained to follow the unwritten rules of "that lot", and I'm at liberty to do things in the way I find best.
Why should we look at our condition as being inferior or as a handicap?
I choose to view myself as being equally valid, but different. Anyone who disagrees with this can lump it.
There is also a "learning" issue here. Speaking personally, I have had GSP (or more specifically APD) all my life, including during my teenage years. Most other people learn all about social life and relationships during that period. (Pychologists call it the "pychosocial moratorium").
I didn't have that chance, but I won't just give up on it there. I reserve the right to do all those things, experiments and such WHEN MY TIME COMES, whenever that is.
But I agree that the girl has her rights as well, not to be hounded.
Johnie
In our society there are certain avenues that are considered appropriate when a guy is trying to make out with a girl. But some people (like someone with SP, or another handicap like being blind, or having MS say), have problems going this route. So either they can give up on girls entirely, or they can be original and go at it their own way.
As an S-P myself I find that certain aspects of the society I live in stink; it seems they were put there to keep people like me out. Because of this I do not feel constrained to follow the unwritten rules of "that lot", and I'm at liberty to do things in the way I find best.
Why should we look at our condition as being inferior or as a handicap?
I choose to view myself as being equally valid, but different. Anyone who disagrees with this can lump it.
There is also a "learning" issue here. Speaking personally, I have had GSP (or more specifically APD) all my life, including during my teenage years. Most other people learn all about social life and relationships during that period. (Pychologists call it the "pychosocial moratorium").
I didn't have that chance, but I won't just give up on it there. I reserve the right to do all those things, experiments and such WHEN MY TIME COMES, whenever that is.
But I agree that the girl has her rights as well, not to be hounded.
Johnie
Evicted
New member
Mr-holly: First of all, your cleverly narrated story has happened to me with small differences. A random encounter, regularly meeting with a cute girl, becoming quickly obsessed with her, some attempts to attract her attention, with no compliments and not revealing my feelings openly. Her rejection was harsh, cruel and unpleasant. Nine endless months of sheer pain and suffering.
Now im a new man. Now i have her almost totally forgotten. I made another clumsy attempt with another girl i recently met. It was a failure but now i know that i can talk with any woman i want. I know she is not the ONE. Perhaps a third girl could be the girlfriend i need. Or perhaps i wouldnt find anyone. It doesnt matters me. Luckily i have understood (thanks to her) that my happiness depends on no one except myself.
I hope this could be of some help for you. The experience we faced surely have changed our attitude towards other people and ourselves. We can be able to take advantage of such utter learning.
And for those who talk about stalking, i dont believe we are stalkers. We are only lonely shy boys wanting to be loved. Is this a sin? I dont think so. And i believe we have treated our loving ones with respect, education and affection. Someone will appreciate these inner traits sooner or later.
Now im a new man. Now i have her almost totally forgotten. I made another clumsy attempt with another girl i recently met. It was a failure but now i know that i can talk with any woman i want. I know she is not the ONE. Perhaps a third girl could be the girlfriend i need. Or perhaps i wouldnt find anyone. It doesnt matters me. Luckily i have understood (thanks to her) that my happiness depends on no one except myself.
I hope this could be of some help for you. The experience we faced surely have changed our attitude towards other people and ourselves. We can be able to take advantage of such utter learning.
And for those who talk about stalking, i dont believe we are stalkers. We are only lonely shy boys wanting to be loved. Is this a sin? I dont think so. And i believe we have treated our loving ones with respect, education and affection. Someone will appreciate these inner traits sooner or later.