Stepdad went off on me last night

[Angie_05]

My mom invited me and my boyfriend over last night for dinner. Me and my boyfriend live together so I'm not used to dealing with family drama since I moved out. Well as we were finishing dinner, my stepdad walked up to the table after refusing to eat, and started yelling at my younger brother for leaving the garage door open. You could tell he was angry and was not speaking like a parent should.

I tried to excuse myself and my boyfriend from the table, but he yelled, "Where are you going? You need to sit down." I was like freaking out now. Then he started yelling at me for not asking him if it was okay that I move back in. I only asked my mom. (My boyfriend is moving for his job, so I asked mom if I could come back home for awhile). I immediately started choking up and shaking because I am not used to being cornered like that, especially by a man I hardly talk to. And I'm an SP. This was going on in front of my bf, my mom, and my brother. My mom just sat there and let him talk to us like that.

I think my stepdad has issues with power and respect, but I don't think it was appropriate at all for him to go off on us at the family dinner. My bf said he could smell beer on his breath too.

I was so embarrassed! I practically had an SP episode right there in front of everyone. Of course I defended myself, but my voice was trembling the whole time. I must have looked like such a coward.

I just wanted to rant. I feel like he was out of line and this is what I'm going to have to live with in a week.

 

[black_mamba]

Sounds difficult. And heres my ubiquitous 'I've had it too' response, but I know what its like to be cornered by an angry [near] relative. Worst experience for my confidence as like you, I was left a quivering wreck.

Is your stepdad normally this confrontational?

You seem very calm and diplomatic about the whole incident, that's impressive to me. I'd be wanting to tear stuff up in anger or make holes in things. :twisted:

 

[Sue]

my dad was a very angry man. no one was aloud talk at the dinner table and he would go mad for stupid reasons. he was a total power freak.
i never knew him that well because he was like a brick wall. no emotion.
even to this day he has all the latest gadgets, phones computers ect
its hard to live with but if i were you i would avoid him as much as i could. im not good when someone starts screaming at me infront of other people. if it happened i would go into another world and black it out.

 

[Angie_05]

Is your stepdad normally this confrontational?

You seem very calm and diplomatic about the whole incident, that's impressive to me. I'd be wanting to tear stuff up in anger or make holes in things. :twisted:

Yes he is very confrontational, but mostly with my younger brother and my mom. When I lived with them before, I kept to myself and was usually gone because I was in school or out with the few friends I had. This was the first time that he was so angry with me and it was scary.

I wanted to get angry and say harsh things and get up and make holes, but I chose to be calm and said stuff like, "I understand what you are saying but I didn't do this intentionally; figured mom would speak to you so that you would be included; didn't realize it was my responsibility."

I've been the calm mediator in family fights so often. Sometimes it's easier to be the calm one so people don't have a reason to put you down.

 

[Angie_05]

my dad was a very angry man. no one was aloud talk at the dinner table and he would go mad for stupid reasons. he was a total power freak.
i never knew him that well because he was like a brick wall. no emotion.
even to this day he has all the latest gadgets, phones computers ect
its hard to live with but if i were you i would avoid him as much as i could. im not good when someone starts screaming at me infront of other people. if it happened i would go into another world and black it out.

I'm sorry your dad was so emotionless. My real dad is like that as well, but he didn't mind us speaking at the dinner table or anything. He seems to think his way is right and everyone else is wrong though.

My stepdad is not free of emotion. He gets so angry at the little things that people do, even kids, then storms around the house and talks about how upset he is. No offense to other women, but he acts like one. You kinda just want to say what he wants to hear so he'll calm down.

I don't want to ignore him. I think that's where our problems come from. I've never really felt comfortable talking to older men.

 

[redlady]

My father can get into moods and lash out. When he does this i have a physical reaction to it, it literally makes me sick. I have been the one who has had to confront him about his behaviour and it's a hard thing to do because i don't like confrontation - my body reacts to it very badly. My mother won't because she just wants to keep the peace, so she just puts up with it, something which i just cannot do. I have noticed though that he doesn't 'go off ' like he used to and not to the same degree, which has been a relief. I am sure this is in direct relation to being challenged by me whenever he does. I'm not saying that , that is something you should do - i don't know about you but i know without a doubt that my dad would never - under any circumstances become physically violent with me or any one else for that matter. So that is not something i have to be worried about when i speak up.
I hope you don't end up having to put up with a lot of crap when you move back home. It sucks to be at the mercy of someone like that.