step into my world

[blankmind]

i don't like explaining to people what my problem is,and usually i don't i prefer to hide it the best i can but it's hard.
my wife has other ideas,i suppose she thinks she's helping,but the looks on other people's faces tells the story!
'just get on with it,you should'nt think about things like that!,everyone gets nervous sometimes',thats and other remarks that people make,they think there giving sound advice.
i would like to just grab them and bring them into my world,and then they would see how useless there advise is,its not that we don't listen it's just that we already said all that crap to ourselves a million times,and it's never worked yet.
if they could feel how i feel,to scared to go out without checking the windows first to see who's out there,everyone looking,critisizing,making judgements,wether they do or not does'nt matter,thats what i think they do and thats all that matters.
let them waste their lives away,let them go and get help over and over again,let them feel the pain,sadness.
let them not know when it will ever end.
then they might not make useless comments and give useless advise that does nothing but wind me up,i know whats wrong!!
but knowing it does'nt cure it!
not at the moment anyway.
one day!!

 

[kc69]

I know what you mean I sometimes have to look through the spyhole in my door before I go out to check that nobodies there.

People just don't seem to understand and I see can that it would be hard to comprehend if I hadn't experienced it.

good luck

kc

 

[Anonymous]

Yes. I agree criticizing doesn't help!

My parents get mad at me all the time. They don't understand!!! That what we need is to change our thinking pattern.

See how other people had overcome it:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/modules.php?name=Social-Phobia-Personal-Stories

Good luck!!!

[/url]

 

[Ladystardust]

I to have suffered well meaning people's remarks many of which do not help in the slightest. I am feeling very upset at the moment because last weekend there was a big gathering of Jehovahs witnesses wich most of my congregation went to. I thought about going but knowing there would be over nine thousand others there really scared me. I went to a small meeting last night one of the others there asked me how I got on at the convention. I told her that I did'nt go. She said "What not at all?" it is very clear people have no comprehension of how some situations effect us. you have my sympathy for what it is worth.

 

[Orlando]

Blankmind,

I haven't been to the website or my e-mail in a while. I taking those darn summer courses and I just finished my mid-term examinations. I think I gained some weight. (I tend to eat the more I study. The way I have been eating, I should be Einstien.)
Anyway, I read your post and understand the disgust you may feel when you hear other people (who do not have social phobia) give you common-sense advice. I find it annoying also because I feel childish or pathetic. It is like they are saying, "Hey, you're a grown adult and you haven't even learned to stand up for yourself. That the kind of lessons you learn in elementary school." After my parent or siblings gave me advice, I would feel belittled and very misunderstood.
If I didn't have a psychologist, I would have nobody to talk about my social phobia. Other people (my family) really did not have the time or the patience to talk with me (without giving me some criticism or advice). Sometimes I would ask them just to listen and not say anything. I would say, "I just need to talk about my feelings because I'm (sad, angry, frustrated, etc.) I don't need advice. I just need to talk." At first, they would get all upset. But now, I think they got a little used to it. I can talk more about my feelings with them. I'm not fully open but I'm more open.

 

[blankmind]

hi,
i've been going to the appointments at the mental health centre,and apart from having to go over the same thing again,again and again they have finally sent me an appointment to see a phsicotherepist.'not spelt right i know'
but once again its for a assesment so that means having to go over it all again.
how many times do they have to hear it!
do they ever pass on the notes all the other people make,all they would have to do is read them and it would save me the bother!
how come when these appointments are made i feel more down than usual?does anyone else notice that?
thanks for all your reply's
the topic was a bit negative i kind of regretted posting it afterwards,but your reply's made me feel better about it ,thankz :wink:

 

[Tris]

I know exacty what you mean, no one understand unless they have or had SP, i was talking to my friend the other day about it cuz they always try to get me to go out, which i guess is a good thing, but always makes me more depressed cuz i cant go even if i want to, and i try to explain that to them and they look at me like i have ten heads and tell me to live a little. its really hard to explain it to someone who has no clue on how i feel, i told my friend i wanted her to walk a day in my shoes and then tell me to live alittle, its not easy. people just dont understand, and i guess we cant expect them to, i just wish they would atleast try you know?

 

[Orlando]

Blankmind,

I am glad that you are seeing someone. I need someone to talk to at times, to go through all the mess in my head. Not many people would take the time to listen to me be angry sad or depressed. I did noticed that therapy at first is a little depressing. At least for me, It was because I thought therapy was going to be a quick-fix. I thought people could fix me like an car engine. Well, it's not like that....Humans are more complicated than a car engine! It will take time to get to know the therapist (and the therapist needs time to get to know you).
The hardest thing for me was building the trust between myself and the therapist (I guess that's the SP). Second, thing was being patient...No one wants to be in pain for a long while....but just hold on there....it might take a while but you're gonna get better....just work hard and have faith...

Take Care!

 

[Different]

Hi there blankmind. I can completely relate to you when you saythat you have to check through your window before going out, because its something I do quite alot. I cant stand it when my neighbours are out when I have to go somewhere it frustrates me, on top of all that I dont really like explaining my condition to anyone either and hate being judged and criticized and having people thinking that they know what's going on with me when they dont.

Anyway, my prayers go out to you, bye for now and good luck

 

[blankmind]

yes it does take time i know,i've been through this a few times now and i think that can make it worse when you sit there one day and realize that you still have'nt got any better if anything you've got worse and you have that uphill struggle all spread out in front of you all over again.
thats why i'm feeling down i suppose.
when you get help and then you think you might have kicked the problem into touch,a year or so later to find it's snuck up from behind and bit you in the ass is pretty demoralizing.
but i'll just have to grit my teeth and struggle through again,at least this time i have this forum to turn to for advise and just somewhere to vent my feelings,all the people on here are great,even if they don't think so,you all are!!and i'm sure we can all get through it together!
as for the subject of people tring to get you to go out,i've had that alot,they think they are helping but unfortunatly its just not that easy to be able to turn around and say yes,even if you did would you turn up?i know i would'nt,no way!
but they are only human at the end of the day so they would'nt have a clue on how to help,i suppose they have to feel like they are doing some thing,and thats fine i suppose.
what i find the worst is that some weeks are worse than others and that makes it hard for us to even predict ourselfs let alone a professional
anyway ran out of thoughts,hope that lot made some kind of sense!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Blankmind,

Ive read alot of your posts and agree with alot of what you say! especially :arrow:

what i find the worst is that some weeks are worse than others and that makes it hard for us to even predict ourselfs let alone a professional

My friends try to get me to go out even though they dont know I have SP. I cant do it. Sometimes I think that ill try and it will be ok, but i cant say yes, because I know that in a few days times i wont feel brave anymore. Rather than let them down then, I just say i cant go at the start

 

[blankmind]

hi!
i know,like you said even if you said yes in a day or so it just feels like it will be too difficult,i don't know if you do this,but i tend to find it a big struggle to put on an act and try and look like your enjoying yourself,even though the act i'm putting on is the act of being normal"whatever that is"
it just seems too hard
also on days when i know i've got to go somewhere i tend to be in a mood all day till it gets to that moment then its like i just can't go no matter what anyone else says.
almost like an invisable force stopping me.
it would be great just to say yes and go like its no big thing ,just going out thats all.
never know one day maybe! :roll:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi again Blankmind,

Yes thats me exactly!! I couldnt have said it better myself. Especially acting the norm and trying to look like your having fun. No, actually just everything you said!! (your very good at putting things into words! )

 

[blankmind]

hi guest!
thankyou,i always thought i found it difficult to put things into words,but from your response it must make sense,i feel a bit better about that now,although like my name "blankmind" my mind does go blank often,although mainly around people.
especially if you get stuck with someone on your own and you feel like you have to say something but your mind goes totally blank,then you beat yourself up about it,for days and weeks sometimes,i do anyway.
i worry that they will think i'm ignorant or something! :?

 

[Anonymous]

Hi again,

Seriously I am exactly the same. I dont know why, it doesnt make sense to me that we have to do this. I mean, if there was a group of people I wouldnt talk, so when your left alone why does it feel like your responsibility?? Half the time if I do think of something to say after I feel like a complete fool for mentioning something so stupid. If I dont say anything then I feel absolutely awlful. Im trying to convince myself that it doesnt matter because the other person usually doesnt say anything either, but i still cant help feeling terrible that I didnt say anything. The thought that they might think im ignoring them or something. It really bugs me until the next time I see the person and we talk, to make sure everything is OK??? :?

 

[blankmind]

hi,
it's true that the other person never say's anything either,so really there's nothing for us to worry about,i wonder if the other person thinks the same thing and their mind go's blank as well,and maybe they feel like they should have said something.
maybe they just get over it a lot quiker!
or maybe they don't,we'll probably never know!