Sooo Confused

[Jegan]

I dont know what the hell is goin on. Im just quitting everything. I Cant remeber things. I cant function at all. I cant even discribe things, places, situations. I JUST CANT THINK. My emtions are dead. My expressions are dead. I cant react to things or people. Nothing is going on in my life. OMGGG, i dont even see a purpose in my life. I cant connect with the outside world. Im just at the worst point in my life. Every body has moved on with dere lifes, da ppl dat i know. Im just stuck in my life. I cant take a step front or I cant take a step back. I forget everyone dat i know. Im just soo isolated from my self and everyone around me. I just cant connect with others. I just cant explain my promblems to others. OMGG I NEED help. I dont know where to begin. I feel like a vegitable.

 

[Richey]

I dont know what the hell is goin on. Im just quitting everything. I Cant remeber things. I cant function at all. I cant even discribe things, places, situations. I JUST CANT THINK. My emtions are dead. My expressions are dead. I cant react to things or people. Nothing is going on in my life. OMGGG, i dont even see a purpose in my life. I cant connect with the outside world. Im just at the worst point in my life. Every body has moved on with dere lifes, da ppl dat i know. Im just stuck in my life. I cant take a step front or I cant take a step back. I forget everyone dat i know. Im just soo isolated from my self and everyone around me. I just cant connect with others. I just cant explain my promblems to others. OMGG I NEED help. I dont know where to begin. I feel like a vegitable.

aaah, sorry to read your having a tough time right now, this is very common of an anxiety episode.

try to face your problems as soon as possible, perhaps see a doctor and dont feel embarressed to do this because it takes guts to face up that you need help, but in the long run help is a stepping stone for you to feel better about yourself, which is servicing your primary asset, that being your own wellbeing and health.

your symptoms seem to be that of intense anxiety! where you cant think properly or concetrate at all, you forget words and everything around you is a haze.

you need to get to know what you want & what makes you the most happy, after that it willl easier to talk to people again and for you to get back on track.

ive had those symptoms before, so your not a freak, its perfectly normal for you to react this way, however it is irrational as you can with effort vent your negative thoughts into positive ones over time.

Your emotions arnt dead by the way, they are as alive as the minute you were born into this world, its just that your telling yourself they are dead and your reliving the past where instead you need to live in the NOW and forget the past, start over with a fresh outlook and take some risks to allow you to feel at peace with yourself again.

good luck! :wink:

 

[Jegan]

heyy.. thank u so much for ur reply. u were very heplfull. But i dont know. my anxiety seems very differnt from everyone. i dont know if its just Social Anxiety or something more.. cuz theres nothing going on in my life. i've never been happpy.. never been excited about anything, things just make me feel panick and uneasy. Thoughts just dont flow in my head. Im so afraid to face the reality. I cant take a step. I have to get help soon.

 

[Danfalc]

Dunno if it helps but i feel very simlar to you... with my emotions being dead.. like i know when somthing is funny in my head but its like im just numb or somthing.. :? And i just cant seem to get my head together.. i cant think properly at all,and i mean it makes it so hard to deal with stuff when your not thinking properly cos you cant get stuff in perspective.I dont know what the hell is going on most of the time..cant function and get on with things and worry i might have somthing else wrong with me cos it aint just anxiety or cos im down.

The only thing that semi helps me is taking control where i can... like with my flat i know thats one part of my life i can control.. so i make sure all my bills are paid and its always nice n tidy so i dont have like any other extra stress factors i dont have to.. and aslo keeping on top of things keeps me busy sometimes and i enjoy it cos iy takes my mind off everything.

Anyway if your finding it hard to think straight from one day to the next,maybe writing things down might help a little bit so you can keep track of stuff that normaly you couldnt and set goals ect.Also cut out any stresses you dont have to deal with.. i mean say dont be putting up with someone elses problems and shit when you need to consentrate on your self.Hope ya find a way to start moving forward cos i know how hard it is to be at where your at now.

 

[applesewer]

hey jegan,

i dunno if this will help but reading your post sooo reminded me of this dark place I found myself in last year.....probably the worst I've ever been....and well I wrote this little comic thing about it....here's the link....you can read it if you want, I dunno, might help....my solution might not be the same for you, but one thing I definitely realised was that a lot of my shit I was doing to myself....my reason being because of my art and stuff....I hung on to my pain...I dunno why....

but I'm doing really great now....I've learnt loads the passed few months, and I'm really starting to live again and enjoy it.....so, i guess i really want you to know that all this shit WILL pass...you're in it now and its hard, but you'll figure it out!

but if you ever wanna talk to someone, seriously you can email me anytime....my emails [email protected] cause sometimes just offloading to another person can help sooo much. so seriously, I'd love to hear from you....but its up to you. I really hope you're ok. take care. bobby.

 

[Jegan]

heyyy thanks alot guys.. Danflac and Worrywortt!..I thought i wud never get a response, cuz it never happens in reall life. I thought i was so alone on this but i realize now that im not the only one. I just hope things wud get better for u guys and me. But lately.. as time goes by, I have this feeling that im just losing controll of everything and that im dieng inside cuz honestly there's nothing goin on in my life. No one knows wats goin on with me. I lost in contact with everyone that i knew. My long time friends who i made in H.S..very few. And only one girl that i met online about 2 years ago. I lost her as well. Im always in this dark deep whole in my life, I just cant come out of this whole. I just feel so traped, and I just dont know how to explain things to others. I dont know how to deal with real people. I feel like im not civlized. I dunno but i just cant focus on anything. For exampple When someone talks to me or when they r telling me something, I just cant focus on what they r saying.. maybe because i was isolated from social situations, i just dont have the skills. I cant pay attention to what others r saying. Even with my mom, when she talks to me i just cant put my mind on what she's saying. I dont feel close with anyone nowerdays. Im just geting lost. and this has been going on for a pretty long time. I just got so use to this dark place that Im not willing to come to the light and deal with the reality. Im just so afraid of the reality. I am 22 now. I dont have a job. I dont go to skool. I live with my mum. I dont have a hobby. And I feel soo hopeless. Sorry If i made u guys get confused.. but I dont even know how to put my feelings in to words. I feel sooo dead and i dont have any words.

Hey Worrywart ur just soo amazing with the arts man. Incredible. Ur very talented man. I was able to percieve and relate to ur arts and writings. Thats a nice way to express your self. Hey man I checked out ur link and i was soo surprised to see that most of what u wrote describes the way that i've been feeling for most of my life up untill now. Happy to know that im not the only one. But yet. I just hope this will all end soon for all of us.

Thanks again guys. I really appreciate it. I just didnt know whom to tell my problems. No one wud understand.

 

[applesewer]

hey thanks man!! ...and don't worry, you didn't make me confused....actually I'm really glad you said what you did cause I feel less alone now....cause I relate to you sooo much.


I'm not sure wot else to suggest tho, but if you're anything like me, i think my problem was that I got overwhelmed.....when there's too much going on, too many voices in my head I just kinda freeze up and shut down.....and then the downward spiral starts.....but what I've been doing the last few months is just chipping away at little problems one at a time.....so where I'm gonna live....that took a while but I've sorted that out now.....so thats one weight off my mind.....how I'm gonna make money....well I'm still not quite safe yet, but I've come up with some idea's so I've got something to work towards....I'm gonna try selling art and crafty things at craft fairs etc.....and with my relationships.....well I dunno about anyone else but for me personally I realised there was something holding me back from really trying to beat social phobia....maybe i thought it was part of my identity or something......but now I'm 100% devoted to love....and I'm always taking risks! and yea taking RISKS is definitely the key for me.....just saying hello to strangers and trying to open myself up and being honest with people,.....of course i sometimes fail!....but sometimes I really connect with people....I got this quote stuck in my head that I love...."the human spirit thrives on risk"....I love that!

anyway I'm babbling.....


But also what you said about not being able to focus on people or what they're saying I get the exact same problem.....i'm too self aware ALL the time, and it just makes me feel more detached....I've still got this problem....haven't quite figured it out yet.....but some small things that sometimes help me is 1] to try to focus on the other person and what they're saying, rather than going inward. and also 2] not to worry so much when things go bad, don't beat myself up....I just try and stay positive.....and also 3] i think most people are probably fairly self aware....its probably healthy to have some degree of self awareness.....we just do it a bit toooo much.


but anywayz, keep posting your thoughts cause its good to get shit off your chest....and email me anytime if you want someone to talk to
take it easy mate
bobby

 

[Jegan]

Hey again.. thanks alot for listening bro.. i dnt knw but i just feel so hope less these days.. and i feel so insecure. cuz bro I just cant get close with anyone. I feel so shit man.. Sorry for the negative posts but I just have to let everything out. OMGG. I feel like Im in hell. Im sure hell wud be a lot easier than this. My mind feels so numb and i just cant think of anything to say man. I dont even know how to put this problem in to words.

I am not sure man. The psychiatric that im Currently seeing Diagonsed me with "Schitzophrenia". I told him that I dont have the main syptoms.. i dont see things nor hear things and he just said Schitzphrenia is not just about hearing or seeing things. It has more.

Could these be Symptoms of Schitzophrenia or Psychosis?
- experiencing Confused thoughts.
- mixing up sentences when communicating with others.
- Thoughts and Senteces are always Incomplete.
- I feel emotionless and Expresionless.
- I feel paranoid.
- I feel like PPl cud read my thoughts and they are always looking at me to get me.
- I cant watch a movie or Read a newspaper.. cuz I cant concentrate. And even if something is funny in the movie I wuldnt laugh.
- I feel like a dead useless soul walking this earth.
- I basically have no interests on anything. Guys these days r interested in Cars. I dont even know shit about cars.
- I Sit inside my room doing nothing.
- Im not motivated.
- I dont know how to keep a realtionship.
- Im just scared of my family and relatives for no reason.
- I feel so isolated from this world and ME.
- I feel week.
- I cant get close with anyone.

 

[Quixote]

Hey Jegan,
I'm no expert on these matters, but the list of symptoms you made sounds like it really doesn't have to be caused by schizophrenia..it could be plain social anxiety+depression, both rather severe unfortunately, but probably much easier to overcome, or at least live with, than schizophrenia..

I don't have shizophrenia yet I can relate to quite a lot of what you say, especially the solitude, and the feeling of "not being interested in anything", and being unable to concentrate and be "productive".

I think concentration problems for one thing are strongly related to anxiety issues. Reflection, complex thought and memory all require tranquility and calm. Even a slight sense of anxiety, maybe so light that you don't even notice it, can be enough to prevent your brain from reaching its full performance. It's always there like a subtle background noise, it lets you do all that you have learned already, but it takes away you ability to fully concentrate, to learn, and to be creative. It can make you feel stupid in the long run, if you don't realize what it is. Right now for example it's taking me a little too long to write this post, it's ten minutes already. I find it a bit hard to connect sentences, I'm not sure about the whole structure of what I'm writing, if it will be understandable or not.. and I have no immediate reason to feel nervous.

As for the lack of interest in things and activities, that's a typical symptom of depression. If one thinks about it, nothing is in itself "interesting": cars? mobile devices with four wheels and seats, used to move your body around a little faster than it would otherwise. Playing football? kicking a round object around on a grass field. Music? noise. Any friend? an ordinary person like six billion others, eating, sleeping, drinking, attempting to reproduce if possible, and finally dying. One tends to see things that way when he is depressed. I do, often. And they *are* that way in a sense..but when you are not depressed your brain provides you with all sorts of feelings and emotions associated with them, and life seems interesting and worth living.

I hope things will improve for you, and make sure you don't get treated for the wrong issue!

 

[applesewer]

[NOTE: sorry for the slightly long and babbly post...I hope you don't mind]

hmm...well those symptoms could be signs of schizophrenia....have you researched it on the net at all? what do you reckon you got? My view of schizophrenia was that it was all about wires getting mixed up, so your senses cross over or are amplified or diminished, or you cry at happy things and laugh at sombre things etc....so I dunno, does that sound like you at all?

cause like personally, I think everybody's a little different, like me, I think I've got some weird concoction of social anxiety, OCD, narcissism and depression....some symptoms I don't have, others I do.....but you know, I try not to focus on which wires are going where in my head, I try to just think about life and whats important....so, like accomodation, finances, family, friends and relationships, career and goals maybe, my faith, etc....

so I dunno...but with the confusion thing...maybe, try thinking about what scares you or worries you the most in the world.....and try and write it all down, I find that helps loads!....of course, if you're anything like me, it's bloody hard to actually know exactly what it is that's worrying you.....it's probably several things......one thing I personally think though [just my opinion]....is that in most people I'd say depression is NOT purely a chemical thing that has NOTHING to do with anything else....I reckon in most cases there are reasons that contribute to the depression, unsolved problems that mount up, and when you start solving these problems the depression starts to lift.....that's how it was with me and most people I've encountered.


but anyway, I read another post of yours on another topic about a girl you're having trouble with, but she really sounds like a nice girl man, and I'd sooo love it if you could sort it out with her....cause that could really REALLY help....a bit of LOVE man can cure everything!.....but I totally understand where you're coming from and I don't happen to agree with what COALPORTER wrote btw [sorry coal!]...Fear can be a bastard sometimes and it makes us do shit we regret, but its fine, i can relate man.

I dunno i just think everybody's got shit, everybody's got crap that they're ashamed of, fears and insecurities...including this girl, and you really seem like a nice bloke, I get the feeling your intentions are honest and good.....but it's just the fear.....I just think you need to tell her exactly what you've written on this forum....that you wish you could call her, but it terrifies you....I dunno....more assumptions here, but again if you're like me, it's probably the fear of...well...rejection....the idea that you'll say hello...but then the conversation will go all awkard and she'll feel bad and not want to be with you anymore....or that basically she'll see all your shit and reject you.......but you wanna know one of the best feelings in the world?......is when you find a person that you just offload ALL your shit onto....like the worst crap that you're so ashamed of and they DONT run away.....better yet they turn around and say I've got shit too.....and instead you work through it together.....that is an insanely great feeling man....infact I'd say that's pretty much what life's all about, i think, personally....LOVE!!!


also, about not having any hobbies etc, I soooo wanna believe that everybody has a gift....something they're great at, or enjoy and love to do, I'm sure of it.....but maybe you just haven't found it yet.....or maybe you're looking in the wrong places....i.e. the obvious places most people look are the art's or specific skills etc.....but it might be something more subtle where you'll find your passion.....I dunno it depends how your brain works....it might just be a spiritual quality that is irrespective of your occupation...like...er....compassion for a certain type of person....or maybe you're a perfectionsist and your passion might be to fine tune the work of another person who isn't so perfectionist....I dunno....but don't give up....keep looking.....there could be a collosal untapped spring inside u just waiting to burst out.....you never know!


and also I just have to say one more thing, [and i'm fully aware of the pluralist, politically correct pressure of society we live in today....so this is just my view]....but for anyone that has depression, to me personally my BEST advice that I'd give you that I believe in SOOOOOO passionately that I could almost GUARANTEE it'd cure you......probably there and then......but if not you'd definitely feel 500% better and that is to LET GOD INTO YOUR LIFE. Now I know there's probably a million stereotypes which have just flooded into your brains but I'm telling you man, the bible is the greatest book in the world and GOD is incredible man, if you just let him in he can do some crazy shit man....I'm totally buzzing right now....this year so far for me has been insanely great.....but just talk to god, silently in your head....just tell him your shit and ask him for help and he sodding will....I know it. read the bible....its amazing.


anywayz...feel free to disagree or just ignore anything.....but I hope you're alright
l8rz
bob