Saberwolf
New member
Good Afternoon all,
I'm new to these forums and first I was surprised by the large number of people here, I thought and sometimes feel that I'm the oddball out in my day to day life.
My Doctor has diagnosed me with GAD but I know I have more than just this. I tried therapy but its just so darned expensive, even under my work health benefits, there's still a $500 deductable and thats a lot for someone who lives pay to pay.
All my life I have been shy, avoiding groups and get-togethers. When family came over, I stayed in my room. I flinched at everything and anytime I walked in public I couldn't keep my head up, I guess I felt fear but I don't know. Now I'm 27 and working full time but I still have issues. I have the ability to talk to people now and actually crack a joke or two, but I'm clearly not like everyone else. I'm not even sure where to begin. I refuse invitations for work's after work happy hour get-togethers, I refuse to go to company holiday dinners...I don't know what it is, part of me wants to go and be popular but there's this nagging fear of what others think of me. People have gone as far to say I'm paranoid and my desk is always spotless, people mess with me at work jokingly, moving stuff slightly out of place because they know I'll notice and put it back immediately. I get angry and defensive very very easily, my morality prevents me from doing anything hurtful to anyone else, but it comes out of nowhere and sometimes for no reason. I must be the only person in Pittsburgh that hates football and yells at people to shut-up when I'm trying to sleep because we won a game, whether that's attributed to whatever's wrong with me, I don't know. I have a big control issue, I always need to be in control of my life, I for example hate driving in unfamiliar places and I always plan ahead if I have to.
Basically my day comes down to, get up, work, headphones on, talk to people if I have to, go home, stay home, unless I need to buy necessities, and thats that.
Medically I've been given paxil, zoloft, lexapro, wellbutrin, buspar, etc... but SSRIs only work for a short time and have severely messed my moods up, one day I'd be angry, the next depressed, the next sad, and to boot I think it caused me to gain weight.
Research wise I've looked at Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder and most of the symptoms match what I have, with some Obessive Compulsive Disorder because I hate, hate clutter and when things are out of place.
Can anyone relate? How did you fix this if so? I've thought about therapy but it's like I feel as if 15-45 minutes a week or every other is simply not enough. I feel like I could spend hours, and want to spend hours, getting everything out, and getting help now rather than later.
Sorry for such a long post, I'm just at my wits end, and not sure if I'm the one that needs to change, or if people just need to learn I'm this way and will be for the rest of my life.
-Vince
I'm new to these forums and first I was surprised by the large number of people here, I thought and sometimes feel that I'm the oddball out in my day to day life.
My Doctor has diagnosed me with GAD but I know I have more than just this. I tried therapy but its just so darned expensive, even under my work health benefits, there's still a $500 deductable and thats a lot for someone who lives pay to pay.
All my life I have been shy, avoiding groups and get-togethers. When family came over, I stayed in my room. I flinched at everything and anytime I walked in public I couldn't keep my head up, I guess I felt fear but I don't know. Now I'm 27 and working full time but I still have issues. I have the ability to talk to people now and actually crack a joke or two, but I'm clearly not like everyone else. I'm not even sure where to begin. I refuse invitations for work's after work happy hour get-togethers, I refuse to go to company holiday dinners...I don't know what it is, part of me wants to go and be popular but there's this nagging fear of what others think of me. People have gone as far to say I'm paranoid and my desk is always spotless, people mess with me at work jokingly, moving stuff slightly out of place because they know I'll notice and put it back immediately. I get angry and defensive very very easily, my morality prevents me from doing anything hurtful to anyone else, but it comes out of nowhere and sometimes for no reason. I must be the only person in Pittsburgh that hates football and yells at people to shut-up when I'm trying to sleep because we won a game, whether that's attributed to whatever's wrong with me, I don't know. I have a big control issue, I always need to be in control of my life, I for example hate driving in unfamiliar places and I always plan ahead if I have to.
Basically my day comes down to, get up, work, headphones on, talk to people if I have to, go home, stay home, unless I need to buy necessities, and thats that.
Medically I've been given paxil, zoloft, lexapro, wellbutrin, buspar, etc... but SSRIs only work for a short time and have severely messed my moods up, one day I'd be angry, the next depressed, the next sad, and to boot I think it caused me to gain weight.
Research wise I've looked at Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder and most of the symptoms match what I have, with some Obessive Compulsive Disorder because I hate, hate clutter and when things are out of place.
Can anyone relate? How did you fix this if so? I've thought about therapy but it's like I feel as if 15-45 minutes a week or every other is simply not enough. I feel like I could spend hours, and want to spend hours, getting everything out, and getting help now rather than later.
Sorry for such a long post, I'm just at my wits end, and not sure if I'm the one that needs to change, or if people just need to learn I'm this way and will be for the rest of my life.
-Vince
