SlipStream7
Well-known member
I've pretty much been getting worse and worse anxiety as soon as I got to college....and it kind of is at a climax this year (junior year) where I have a single dorm and can literally be alone as long as I want to.
Sometimes I'm literally afraid to leave my room to go to bathroom down the hall because I feel like as soon as I open the door to step out, someone will be coming the opposite way and bump into me creating an extremely awkward situation.
When I'm walking down the hall and someone is walking towards me I feel such an intense anxiety and it just makes me so freakin uncomfortable. Some days I will literally skip meals and sit here starving because going to the crowded cafeteria is just too anxiety-provoking.
I know a lot of it has to do with the substances I put in my body, like last night I drank with a friend (didn't get wasted, just somewhat drunk). And before bed I took a GABA to help me sleep. I wake up and just don't feel right. It's not a hungover feeling, it's just this delayed reaction feeling that for some reason causes this intense anxiety. It must have been some prolonged effect of the GABA, yet I have taken it before without this feeling.
As I'm showering I'm trying so hard to get "with it" and become alert and focused. I have an energy drink but that doesn't help at all, it actually seems to make it worse.
I know decent advice would be "stop being stupid and taking pills/drinking energy drinks" but the fact is that I have done this so many times. Even waking up after a sober night and not having any caffeine in the morning.....I still just don't feel right. The anxiety is always there, and sometimes the caffeine actually helps and makes me more alert and confident....yet sometimes it has the opposite effect. It's like I'm hypersensitive to these chemicals.
The best way I can describe the feeling is that it feels like my eyes are delayed with where I need to focus my attention. Like I hear something to my left and it's like brain-lag before I figure out what it is and how to react to it. It's why walking through the cafeteria is so anxiety provoking....because there are tons and tons of people....people randomly coming from my left, my right, behind me, in front of me. It's just so freakin overwhelming that I could never focus on all the movements coming towards me.
Usually I end up staring straight ahead at where I'm heading and just reacting last minute to when someone enters my peripheral, but it still creates for those really awkward moments when I'm about to bump into someone (whether their fault or mine) and I suddenly get really startled because I totally wasn't watching or expecting it.
That's the reason I sorta feel like the anxiety I'm experiencing is caused by something else. Some type of condition that sets my startle reflex on overdrive....and because I'm so easily startled I can't look around too quickly or I'll get overwhelmed by stimulus....and because I don't look around too much I'm terrible at navigating through places with a lot of people....which creates awkward situations and thus social anxiety.
But I have no idea why my startle reflex is so high. One of the most nerve wracking things is opening a door like the bathroom door....constantly thinking that someone is on the other side walking out just as I'm opening it. Even though I'm expecting someone to be there, when there actually is someone there my whole body tenses up and I get completely startled. It's not just the startle reflex....I feel an extreme lack of energy, like at any moment I could collapse. This is at a climax in the morning when my anxiety is through the roof and tapers off near the evening (although there is still anxiety then too). Eating food has such a profound effect on my energy level too. I can have tons of anxiety walking to the food court, but once I eat a ton of food I sorta get back with it energy-wise, while still retaining most of the original anxiety. I feel like my energy level/anxiety shouldn't depend so heavily on the fact that I just ate or if it's in the morning when I haven't had food in awhile.
One possible contributer to the anxiety might be how I had "club feet" when I was an infant. They corrected my feet but it was a series of major surgeries that left me able to walk normally but I feel like my balance and the way I walk still aren't completely normal. Honestly, I feel like a lot of the anxiety stems from how I feel uncomfortable walking in public. I'd imagine a great reduction in anxiety if I just rolled into the food court in a wheelchair, haha.
I'm rambling, I know....I just wanted to see if there was anyone else out there who feels their anxiety is linked to an exaggerated startle reflex and possible eye movement issues. I know my anxiety is at it's lowest when I am fully aware of my environment and am able to quickly react to things moving around me....so it's definitely tied in with I guess my spatial perception of my environment. I'm hoping (probably false hope) that this lack of energy/low stimulation threshold is linked to something like a hormonal imbalance, thyroid issue or something treatable....because it definitely feels that way. I just don't feel "right" on a daily basis...I feel like my body is missing something or something is wrong that can be corrected and thus my anxiety removed. Anyways, thanks for any advice or feedback in advance.
-Slip
Btw, after today's climax in anxiety for the week, I'm not going to take any caffeine or drink for at least a few days and see if the effects of not using pills to correct how I'm feeling might be delayed. I'll just deal with the insomnia because getting 2 hrs of sleep would leave me better off than how I'm feeling today after 12 hrs of sleep.
Sometimes I'm literally afraid to leave my room to go to bathroom down the hall because I feel like as soon as I open the door to step out, someone will be coming the opposite way and bump into me creating an extremely awkward situation.
When I'm walking down the hall and someone is walking towards me I feel such an intense anxiety and it just makes me so freakin uncomfortable. Some days I will literally skip meals and sit here starving because going to the crowded cafeteria is just too anxiety-provoking.
I know a lot of it has to do with the substances I put in my body, like last night I drank with a friend (didn't get wasted, just somewhat drunk). And before bed I took a GABA to help me sleep. I wake up and just don't feel right. It's not a hungover feeling, it's just this delayed reaction feeling that for some reason causes this intense anxiety. It must have been some prolonged effect of the GABA, yet I have taken it before without this feeling.
As I'm showering I'm trying so hard to get "with it" and become alert and focused. I have an energy drink but that doesn't help at all, it actually seems to make it worse.
I know decent advice would be "stop being stupid and taking pills/drinking energy drinks" but the fact is that I have done this so many times. Even waking up after a sober night and not having any caffeine in the morning.....I still just don't feel right. The anxiety is always there, and sometimes the caffeine actually helps and makes me more alert and confident....yet sometimes it has the opposite effect. It's like I'm hypersensitive to these chemicals.
The best way I can describe the feeling is that it feels like my eyes are delayed with where I need to focus my attention. Like I hear something to my left and it's like brain-lag before I figure out what it is and how to react to it. It's why walking through the cafeteria is so anxiety provoking....because there are tons and tons of people....people randomly coming from my left, my right, behind me, in front of me. It's just so freakin overwhelming that I could never focus on all the movements coming towards me.
Usually I end up staring straight ahead at where I'm heading and just reacting last minute to when someone enters my peripheral, but it still creates for those really awkward moments when I'm about to bump into someone (whether their fault or mine) and I suddenly get really startled because I totally wasn't watching or expecting it.
That's the reason I sorta feel like the anxiety I'm experiencing is caused by something else. Some type of condition that sets my startle reflex on overdrive....and because I'm so easily startled I can't look around too quickly or I'll get overwhelmed by stimulus....and because I don't look around too much I'm terrible at navigating through places with a lot of people....which creates awkward situations and thus social anxiety.
But I have no idea why my startle reflex is so high. One of the most nerve wracking things is opening a door like the bathroom door....constantly thinking that someone is on the other side walking out just as I'm opening it. Even though I'm expecting someone to be there, when there actually is someone there my whole body tenses up and I get completely startled. It's not just the startle reflex....I feel an extreme lack of energy, like at any moment I could collapse. This is at a climax in the morning when my anxiety is through the roof and tapers off near the evening (although there is still anxiety then too). Eating food has such a profound effect on my energy level too. I can have tons of anxiety walking to the food court, but once I eat a ton of food I sorta get back with it energy-wise, while still retaining most of the original anxiety. I feel like my energy level/anxiety shouldn't depend so heavily on the fact that I just ate or if it's in the morning when I haven't had food in awhile.
One possible contributer to the anxiety might be how I had "club feet" when I was an infant. They corrected my feet but it was a series of major surgeries that left me able to walk normally but I feel like my balance and the way I walk still aren't completely normal. Honestly, I feel like a lot of the anxiety stems from how I feel uncomfortable walking in public. I'd imagine a great reduction in anxiety if I just rolled into the food court in a wheelchair, haha.
I'm rambling, I know....I just wanted to see if there was anyone else out there who feels their anxiety is linked to an exaggerated startle reflex and possible eye movement issues. I know my anxiety is at it's lowest when I am fully aware of my environment and am able to quickly react to things moving around me....so it's definitely tied in with I guess my spatial perception of my environment. I'm hoping (probably false hope) that this lack of energy/low stimulation threshold is linked to something like a hormonal imbalance, thyroid issue or something treatable....because it definitely feels that way. I just don't feel "right" on a daily basis...I feel like my body is missing something or something is wrong that can be corrected and thus my anxiety removed. Anyways, thanks for any advice or feedback in advance.
-Slip
Btw, after today's climax in anxiety for the week, I'm not going to take any caffeine or drink for at least a few days and see if the effects of not using pills to correct how I'm feeling might be delayed. I'll just deal with the insomnia because getting 2 hrs of sleep would leave me better off than how I'm feeling today after 12 hrs of sleep.
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