Socializing-i dont get it..

[bsammy]

im not sure how many APDers are with me on this but i dont understand socializing in general.i do understand if you are working with people and you make the day go faster by talking about different things, i understand that.or if you run into someone at town, you say 'hi' and maybe say a few things, i get that as well but i have never really understood the act of going to someones house just to socialize.just to 'chit chat' or hang out.i always found that extremely draining and downright boring...

i would say when im out and see someone i know i avoid and it isnt out of 'fear' necessarily but that i simply dont see the reason for chatting with this person.this goes for my own family believe it or not as i have no fear in talking to my sister.lol.maybe its the years of isolation and APD thats made me this way but i dont think so as ive always been this way.i can enjoy socializing but its extremely rare.if i had to sum up socializing in my way i almost see it largely as a waste of time..im not sure if this is my introversion speaking, apd, that i find chit chat boring, me being self absorbed or what.anyone else out there know what im talking about?

another reason why im unable to make friendships and relationships last as i see little reason to 'touch base' with others.i simply live in my own head, usually have little desire to share my daily life experiences with others..which puts me at odds with most people because lets face it, they usually love to share every single detail about their lives, now dont they? lol

 

[twiggle]

People are different, in the same ways in which we enjoy watching different t.v programmes, we enjoy different ways of socialising. I'd imagine there are many who may feel similar to you, but when you say that the idea of chatting to others doesn't fill you with much excitement, are you referring to the chatter itself, or is it just that maybe you haven't yet met anybody you feel you might click with and would have more stuff to say to than the basic form of 'hey, how are you?'.

I kind of get you in a sense. I recently met somebody in my new hometown. I don't know anybody here so like the thought of having a friend here, but as much as I appreciate the effort he makes to get to know me I don't really feel like we click - we have nothing in common - and I feel kinda bored by the small talk occasionally. OR maybe it's just that I don't know him well enough yet. I guess there are very few people who can grab our excitement with the first couple of sentences they say.

 

[Aletheia]

I don't really feel like we click.

The times I find the toughest are when they're talking about something that I can't engage with. It's not so much that I'm not interested, it's that nothing naturally springs to mind, and I'm left with my answers feeling forced. It feels like a lot of effort for very little gain.

I can find hanging out with people enjoyable, if I know them well, if it feels safe, if we're on the same wavelength and interpreting them isn't a strain. Helps if there's a focus so it's not just talk.

But non-stop chatter is tiring, especially if it's trivia, especially if it's repetitive trivia. I love it when I find someone I can be with without saying anything.

 

[-lonestar-]

I hear what you say completely, I don't enjoy socializing. I want to be better at it but I mostly just feel being by myself I feel so free, and then I realize I could only handle a girlfriend as far as having company. I don't see why I gotta open myself up just so they open themselves up. To what purpose do people socialize? is it pleasurable? is it society that says we must? is it in most peoples DNA?

I realize if you want friends you gotta be social, but what if I like not having conversations, and rarely do I feel like being around others not from fear but because I see no point.

 

[Blabla..]

maybe if you find someone that has alot of stuff in common with you you might think socializing with this person to be different , even fun and easy , it really is different to me , i don't really like socializing , i have nothing to say to entertain people and be interesting , but i have one really good friend that i can just sit and talk to for hours .

 

[tailwagger]

I have always found socializing a bit of a bore a drag and annoying after a while. that's why with people I like to do stuff we have in common, I 've been in bands, in drama groups, I've taken classes, or been involved in something like where we are doing something together (hiking, biking) Other than that, what people like to do socializing hanging out and gabbing, I can do it in small amounts, then I get horribly bored and can't stand the chatter, I'm good for about an hour but they talk to me, I don't talk much but a great listener. People like that a lot. I have a few special people I can talk to . That's all you need though! even one person! I have a girlfriend from school who loves to socialize I don't get it, if she isn't with someone I think she hates it. I don't get it, as I love to be alone. I do not seek out socializing, but if it's a group doing something for a cause, then I can be involved.