Socializing at uni

[Weirdo]

A couple days ago I realized that I'm not as socially retarded as I thought. I finally made my first friend (read: someone I sit next to whenever possible") at the university after 2 months. It took me like 2 years to make a friend at the grammar school.

I also joined some other classmates before class and I could talk and laugh with them. Felt good. I felt happy that I could genuinely enjoy company of others. I also realized that if I got rid of my HH, I could actually become a semi-normal person!

You know, the first month at uni was terrible. Everyone was shaking hands with each other every day and all I could do was stand away from others and give off these "what's wrong with that guy" vibes. Some guys still do it, so I try to avoid them and I noticed some of them started to avoid me too, so we wouldn't have to shake hands or they just think I'm weird.

I hope that when I get rid of HH, all of my social anxiety problems will slowly disappear so I won't have to visit these forums anymore and become a happy person There's a lot of problems I have to overcome, but I believe they're all linked to the same cause, even things like fear of not knowing what to say etc. I'm putting my hopes on odaban this time...please I really want it to work...

 

[sirsam]

Hang in there buddy. I am going through the exact same thing, though maybe not as bad as you are. I am freshman too and the first few weeks, there were a lot of hand shaking. Fortunately, my hands were still pretty dry then due to the acupunture over the summer(read my other post if you want). So I met quite a few people and have a few friends that go to class together and sit together. The thing is, I don't have any close friends, and it feels awful sometimes. On top of that, my friends all live in other residences and when I eat at my own caf, I have no one to eat with. It's not that I can't find people to eat with. People at my dorm are really nice. Nonetheless, when my sweating started coming back, I started to avoid people. I didn't attend parties anymore, or hangout with other people. After months of doing that, people also distanced themselves from me. They are still nice and all, but I don't get invited anymore etc. I am getting Botox done next week, hopefully it will work because I really want to be the "real" me.

 

[Weirdo]

Oh yeah, the parties...I didn't attend the meeting party where everyone introduced themselves only due to HH. After 2 months I know only like 7 people by name, that's pathetic.

About eating...I have many people to eat with, but I choose to sit by myself whenever I can find an empty 4-seat table nearby. I mean, would you sit at the table where there are 10+ girls and you are the only guy? And the last time I've eaten, I've noticed one of those girls giving me a "Poor guy, why is he always sitting alone? I'd really like to know" look.

I'll read about your acupuncture experience.

 

[klytus]

After 2 months I know only like 7 people by name, that's pathetic.

I know five people by name, after three months, and that's amply enough. Why would I want to know more people? I don't even have the time to socialize with them. I go to university to study and acquire the skills necessary for an academic career. Socialization is secondary. If necessary, it is simple enough. If someone can't stand my wet hands, well, then, he/she doesn't have to touch them again.

I only want to know certain people. And those five people are worth my attention. The others probably aren't - at least the majority of them. You don't need dozens of acquaintances and friends to live a happy life.

About eating...I have many people to eat with, but I choose to sit by myself whenever I can find an empty 4-seat table nearby. I mean, would you sit at the table where there are 10+ girls and you are the only guy?

Well, why not? There is no set rule that you have to entertain them. They're just humans, after all, and they are there for the very same reason you are. To eat. I don't see the problem. - What I see a problem with is people's incapability to focus on their studies. They are busy with relationship issues and whatnot. Absolutely unrelated aspects, and then they can't understand why they fail the weekly exercise sheets.

 

[Weirdo]

I always liked your responses klytus, you're so cynical

Anyway, I also apply the "I only want to know certain people" rule, but I have noticed that I tend to write many people off for no good reason and then later realize they are not that bad(happened many, many times). That was also the case with this 1 friend I made so far. For the first month and a half I don't think I said a single word to him, just because he was ugly and sucked at socializing. Then later I found out he's pretty friendly and at the last class when one of the students had a lecture about anxieties and mentioned social phobia, he jokingly said "that's me". I didn't tell him I have SP too and he doesn't know it, because I just act like a cool, kind of stuck-up loner.

That and also the more people I know, the less an outcast I feel I am, although I admit I enjoy it in a twisted kind of way. But I know that outcasts have it tough in life, so I'll try to be more normal.

About "There is no set rule that you have to entertain them" ..are you sure? You know, not everyone thinks the way we do. For normal people, whoever doesn't talk at the table is weird.

 

[klytus]

For normal people, whoever doesn't talk at the table is weird.

Except, of course, they eat. You aren't supposed to talk while you actually chew on something. My point is, there isn't that much opportunity to talk or to expect being entertained. At least that hasn't happened to me yet. People do talk a lot of nonsense at the table, but it isn't required of you to say something if you don't have anything to contribute.

For the first month and a half I don't think I said a single word to him, just because he was ugly and sucked at socializing.

Well, that wasn't nice of you.

 

[sirsam]

kyltus, i like the way you think. That is what I kept telling myself, and it worked pretty well. I am doing extremely well academic wise up to now. However, the inate instinct to connect to other people always comes back. I even started watching tv shows to keep my mind off that feeling. In three months, i went through 5 seasons of How i met your mother, 10 seasons of friends, 2 seasons of Numb3rs, and all the current on going shows such as House and Heroes. I know, it's pathetic right?

Anyway, I also apply the "I only want to know certain people" rule, but I have noticed that I tend to write many people off for no good reason and then later realize they are not that bad(happened many, many times). That was also the case with this 1 friend I made so far. For the first month and a half I don't think I said a single word to him, just because he was ugly and sucked at socializing. Then later I found out he's pretty friendly and at the last class when one of the students had a lecture about anxieties and mentioned social phobia, he jokingly said "that's me". I didn't tell him I have SP too and he doesn't know it, because I just act like a cool, kind of stuck-up loner.

I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend just like that. I am actually enjoy my lifestyle right now a little. But it would be nice to know that I can meet people without fearing that they might want to shake my hand any moment. Or, attend parties once in a while to balance out the stressful uni life.

 

[Weirdo]

There's also this "after-eat" time when you don't want to be rude and sit there waiting for others to finish eating and also people tend to keep sitting and talking at the table even after everyone's finished. Or would you just pack your things and leave while others are talking?There's also this extra "Many girls 1 guy" bonus - I don't want them to feel limited as to what to say just because a guy(a weird one) is around, if you know what I mean. I don't want to deal with that mess so I just sit by myself and act comfortable with it. Maybe next semester I'll try it...

 

[sirsam]

There's also this "after-eat" time when you don't want to be rude and sit there waiting for others to finish eating and also people tend to keep sitting and talking at the table even after everyone's finished. Or would you just pack your things and leave while others are talking?There's also this extra "Many girls 1 guy" bonus - I don't want them to feel limited as to what to say just because a guy(a weird one) is around, if you know what I mean. I don't want to deal with that mess so I just sit by myself and act comfortable with it. Maybe next semester I'll try it...

I don't know what you are talking about actually because I alway eat alone. I don't know anyone in my dorm well enough to eat with any of them. I hope this will change too...

 

[Weirdo]

It was meant for klytus, but you posted before I did but nvm