Social skills

[silverblue]

Hi newbie. hope this is okay to post.

My social anxiety really affects my life. It's made be put up a wall around myself since my pre-teen years. It's like I need a barrier to insulate myself from everything. I can deal with things, but only from a distance.

Now that I'm adult, I'm also finding that my social anxiety is increasing more and more. There are just social skills I have never learned. It's just feels like a vicious cycle over and over. I have bad experiences with people and it just causes more and more anxiety. Can anyone else relate? Sometimes I really feel like I'm a 12 year old trying to navigate the adult world.

 

[Niteowl]

Hi silverblue, it's nice to meet you. Sure, I can relate. It hasn't been so long since I was a pre-teen, but I too feel like there were things that I never learned, perhaps because I had no independence besides walking to school alone. Never went outside to play with the other children, and that was before any signs of social anxiety. It seems like everybody else that I knew in school and college had that independence, and has learned to do things that I haven't. I feel so clumsy when I'm out because of all the things that I don't know, such as which way a credit card goes into the cash machine. I should know that by now.

Is that similar to how you grew up, just out of interest? I know that loads and loads of users here feel the same, so I'm wondering if others share a similar experience. I guess you just pick things up easier when you're young, social skills being among them. It's like learning a language - young children can do it in no time just by listening.

 

[silverblue]

I always feel like when I get a chance to be around people, I always put my foot in my mouth. Some of it is negative self-talk, I know, other times... I just get so excited to connect and talk to people, I just become a rambling idiot.

Any time I make a mistake, social blunder, or embarrass myself, it stays with me for days. It replays in my head a hundred times a day. I still get flashes of stupid things i've done or said from years ago- junior high even.

 

[Captain_Lethargy]

I always feel like when I get a chance to be around people, I always put my foot in my mouth. Some of it is negative self-talk, I know, other times... I just get so excited to connect and talk to people, I just become a rambling idiot.

Any time I make a mistake, social blunder, or embarrass myself, it stays with me for days. It replays in my head a hundred times a day. I still get flashes of stupid things i've done or said from years ago- junior high even.

I don't know...I know this advice might sound trite, but it's true that you will get better at social interaction with practice. The more time you spend interacting with other people, the more you pick up on little social cues without even noticing it. It's also kind of nice to realize that other people are more focused on themselves than what you're saying; to some people, that would be a negative, but I find it kind of reassuring.

As for the guilt about old stuff-I get flashes of that stuff, too, and I try my best to ignore it. Growing up is an ugly process, and I'm lucky that all I did was make a few dumb jokes that misfired.

 

[Minty]

I have poor social skills too. I make the other party feel uncomfortable with silence. It makes me feel guilty because they're having a bad time.

 

[coyote]

I don't know...I know this advice might sound trite, but it's true that you will get better at social interaction with practice. The more time you spend interacting with other people, the more you pick up on little social cues without even noticing it. It's also kind of nice to realize that other people are more focused on themselves than what you're saying; to some people, that would be a negative, but I find it kind of reassuring.

As for the guilt about old stuff-I get flashes of that stuff, too, and I try my best to ignore it. Growing up is an ugly process, and I'm lucky that all I did was make a few dumb jokes that misfired.

this is very good advice