Social Phobia similar to Avoidant Personality Disorder?

[frustr4t3d]

xx

 

[sabbath92002]

I could have posted this here or in the Avoidant forum but I figured it’ll get more attention here

I found this quote at… http://www.coqunselling-directory.org.uk/avoidant.html
“Although AvPD is similar to social phobia, it's more about fear of social relationships and intimacy than of social situations.”

There’s a LOT of confusion over the internet about the difference between SP and AvPD so I thought I’d try to clear things up.

I think it’s possible to have SP and not have AvPD and the other way around, to have AvPD and NOT have SP. And, of course it’s possible to have both

I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t have SP at all; maybe I’m just a little shy. I work at a retail store and I’m perfectly fine around customers, hardly any anxiety at all. If a customer approaches me in a friendly manner I’ll do my best to help them out. If they come up to me and act all bitchy, I’ll give them an attitude back. I’m not afraid of them reporting me to the managers.

I don’t really have much of a problem talking with a few of my co-workers, especially if it’s just a one-on-one conversation. Some co-workers I despise and rather than being “shy” around them, it’s more like I just don’t give a fuck, I don’t want to bother with them. If they say something like “what’s up?” I’ll just mutter a quick “hi” and continue what I’m doing.

I’m constantly putting on a “happy face” at work just so that I don’t have to bother with people asking me what’s wrong. My mind is constantly racing as I’m working and my facial expressions change a lot, whether I’m thinking self-critical thoughts or remembering something funny that happened a while back.

I’ve noticed many times where I’d be talking to a co-worker (who works in the same department, so I see him all the time) and as soon as I see the girl that likes me nearby, my mind starts racing and I can’t talk in complete sentences anymore, my mind is too preoccupied on what this girl might be thinking as we make eye contact.

I have a fear of “social relationships” rather than a fear of “social situations.” This is backed up by the fact that whenever I approach a girl that I like or if I believe that they might like me, I’ll express the behavior of a social-phobe. If I’m talking to my boss or any random customer I show very little anxiety or none at all.

Avoidants have a fear of rejection, so u may think “well, she likes u so y r u afraid to talk to her if there’s going to be no rejection?” I realize this but I’m afraid of the possible rejection once she gets to “know” me, I’m not afraid of any immediate rejection.

At my old job (had it after high school), no one knew me so it was like a fresh start; no one knew anything about me being shy, so it was easier to talk to them (my co-workers). We got along great, fucked around in the back room, and had some fun times! But at my current job, there’s this one employee that knew me from high school so of course she spread bullshit (bullshit that happened 3-4 years ago) about me, so now everyone at this job gave me the “he doesn’t talk” label (right after getting hired and before I started to actually work there). Imagine trying to talk to people who u know have that in the back of their mind, it’s just awkward.

I’m surprised this girl likes me especially since it’s been going on for about 6 months now. Well, she knows that I talk, she sees me with customers all the time. I think she’s realized by now that I’m really just “shy” around her, I think she knows that I know she likes me. Her mom actually worked there for a few weeks (she quit) and I talked to her a few times, I was anxious but I made the effort. Her sister also works there, but I’m “shy” around her too.

Whenever I see her (the girl that likes me) talking to other male co-workers I get so jealous and immediately flood my mind with self-critical thoughts. There’s this one manager that I really want to just punch in the face one day. He’s an obnoxiously loud man-whore. She seems to dislike him too; sometimes I think it’s only because she knows how much I can’t stand him.

Avoidants are also known to "escape into a fantasy world" which is very true of me. I realize how much this world sucks sometimes, so to alleviate the frustration i'll day dream and imagine myself on a date with this girl and have everything in the dream go perfectly.

Ok so anyways, I’m just writing whatever is on my mind as I think of it, so sorry if this post isn’t so organized or whatever. I’m beginning to believe that I have AvPD and NOT SP, so if what I said in this post can somewhat relate to u, it’s possible u have AvPD too.

I’m really tired now, so it’s possible I left out other stuff I wanted to say. I’ll probably have a lot more to add within a few more days.

Can anyone else relate to this post, at least remotely? lol, I probably scared everyone off cause I wrote too much.

If u want some good websites about AvPD, go check out this post...
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt10168.html

Does it really matter what label you apply to your disorder(s)? What really matters is this: you like this girl and she likes you, so do something about it. Talk to her (even though you feel anxious), ask her out on a date or something, tell her the truth: that she makes you nervous (but in a good way). Don't listen to your mind and body (when you are anxious), they are just lying to you. Our minds and bodies get anxious and tell us we can't do stuff. But this is bogus, based on events in our past. We are more than just an accumulation of past problems and feelings. Think about how you value friendship and love and maybe you can share this with her.

Obsessing about labels and what causes/caused our disorder(s) really doesn't help us much. We need to focus on what's going to make us better: facing our fears, doing what our disorders tell us we can't do, gradual exposure, trusting, risking, etc. Maybe you can ask her sister about her, show that you are interested in her. She probably feels a little shy too.

 

[frustr4t3d]

xx

 

[Jack-B]

Naming it avoidant or social phobic or whatever doesn’t matter too much, although is very helpful for many, a hindrance to others. What matters is that you realize what is being avoided.

Both types of sufferers seek to avoid their negative feelings. These feelings usually arise around others or in certain situations and so a person becomes phobic or avoidant of these feelings and so learns externally to avoid people or things which appear to trigger these states of mind.

When a person realizes anxiety is not inherent in situations or people and is but the mere momentary appearance to our mind our feelings become easier to accept. This is all we have to face to overcome our anxiety. Once we overcome it from within, there will be nothing in the external world for us to avoid. Big job, from the inside.

Jack

 

[Y]

Lol, frustrated, thanks to you i just realized i had AvPD and not SP. I have fear of relationships not social situations, ive been telling this to my therapist for 4 months but she couldnt see i had avpd, maybe she doesnt even know about it :x .

Off to search about AvPD now...