Social failure at College

[sweet4certain]

I feel really bad about myself...
I graduated high school in 2003, i was very shy, but i had a pretty good group of friends, and one best best friend, who is still my best friend to this day.
I decided to go to college 6 hours away from my home because i thought it would help me grow as a person. well, i was very wrong. I was a mess, hysterical every day for the first 3 months. I stayed for a year and left.
I went to community college the next semester because i didnt know where i wanted to transfer too, so i lived at home and commuted.
I applied to a school about 45 minutes away from my home, where my cousin goes. I got in. I moved into the dorms the following semester. Let me tell you, that was brutal. even though my cousin was living 1 floor below me, that still wasn't comforting. I was a transfer student, and I lived with 2 other girls who were best friends, in a tiny room. I was praying before I met them that they would be people i could become friends with, and the moment i stepped foot into my room and they said hello, i knew i was gonna be miserable. and i was, at first, but we became fake friends, and although i never went out with them because i dont like bars, they included me for the most part. But i wasn't happy. And we lost touch.
The next semester i decided to commute 45 minutes from home to school, which worked out because i only had classes 3 days a week. I was happy doing that, but really had no social life except for my family whom i love, but i was depressed about that.
So, after winter break, i decided to move into an apartment with my cousin up at school. I was nervous about it because i didn't want her to see how big of loser i was, having been there for a year already and not making any real good friends. All in all it was ok, i went home every weekend, as did she, but i was never uncomfortable with her in the apartment.
Now its summer. next semester i am commuting from home again because i just can't build a life for myself up at school. I feel so bad about it. My cousin is staying in the apartment, and one of her best friends is moving in. Its embarrising for me to tell people that i am commuting again. I feel like i've failed in every way. I just want to have a normal college experience like everyone else. But it doesn't look like thats gonna happen for me. I'm so frusterated!!! I just want to fit in! Ahhhhhh! sorry if this was too long!

 

[Richey]

you say youve failed from that post above youve thrown yourself in the deep end a few times by living in a room with those two girls and your cousin, making the desicion to try out different colleges takes courage, sure youve changed colleges a few times but thats normal these days, how have you failed again?

 

[sweet4certain]

ive failed because i can't build a normal life at school. I can't make a good group of friends with whom i can live and go out with. I can't get a boyfriend, which I really want. I'm doing fine academically, but i just can't cut it on my own, so i drive 45 minutes home to my family, where it is 'safe'. I want to be like every other college kid and i just cant seem to find my niche because of my introversion.

 

[crescent]

Hey, I have same problem too. When I was in uni, I got very few friends. I stayed in hostel cause i"m foreigner here, and I never be able to get close with my roommate, all I do was just study. Sometimes I wanted to join school activities but never be able to bring myself there until I decided to just forget it. I only joined very few activities, those also because I was invited.
Now I was working and seems worse, I think I have no close friends, all friends at work are just friends at work, means we never go out outside working. So weekend I always stay at home...
If my sharing does not help you, hmm... I think the key is to conquer our shyness/sa first, then I think we can build our social life better, we are all trying our best, don't give up...

 

[PhantomPod]

Aww, I definitely feel for you, as I've had a tough time at college as well so far. This was just my first year there. The Summer before I started I had been working some at overcoming my shyness/SA, so I felt ready to go to college and try my best to meet new people. I was hoping that I'd get on good with my roommate and that we'd be able to go out and meet people together. However, I had no roommate when I moved in which was actually pretty disappointing, because I find that, in a way, I was counting on the second person who didn't know anyone, to help me feel more comfortable when attempting to meet new people.

There were 2 girls from my high school that went to my college as well. I was never good friends with them, although we were somewhat acquantinces. There were in the same dorm building with me, so I ended up hanging out with them some and some people that they had already met. It went good for the first week or so, but then I just started feeling like I was putting in so much effort trying to be friends with them and trying to do things with them, and they weren't putting in any effort at all because they all already had friends. So I started feeling really bad about myself and my fake friendships. So I ended up just stopping going to their rooms and trying to be friends with them. Funny how not once after that did any of them think to come knocking on my door for a change to see why I wasn't around. :roll:

After that I ended up going home every weekend (an hour drive away). I was talking about commuting or transferring to a school that was even closer because, really, I wanted to be near home. To be 'safe'. My mom talked me into staying though.

From March-May I studied abroad with 18 other students. That really changed me for the time being. I made two very good friends, and it felt great to actually have people to hang out with and do things with. I've honestly never had that before; I've always been such a loner. One lives on the other side of the country and goes to a different campus of our school, so I don't know when I'll be seeing her again, though we've been keeping in touch some. One lives just a couple hours away. I might visit her this summer, but I don't know really, I'm nervous about it. And I don't want her coming here to visit me in a way, because I never know what to do for fun when people come over. I feel like we'll just be sitting here twidling our thumbs.

I'm back home for the summer now, and back to a life of no friends. I'm somewhat depressed about it. I've always been good at entertaining myself, but still. It sucks. I know that I'm in a dormroom suite next year with 5 other girls. I'm really anxious about that and don't even know what to expect. Hopefully they're cool and I'll be able to make friends next year.