Social Anxiety - My Life

Dar10

New member
#1
Wow, a social anxiety forum. This is great :D

I'm 19-year-old college student. I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember and was told I had it a few years ago by a psychologist I went to. I've never met anyone with social anxiety before. I've had all the bad experiences...the blushing, the nervousness, everything. I get nervous waiting for my name to be called for attendance. I'm scared to death the first day of class because I'm around all new people. I can remember experiences of me almost crying in elementary school because I didn't want to read my journal in front of the class. I get nervous walking to class, which is something I don't think anyone understands. Waiting in line to buy books? Forget that, I go right before the bookstore closes so I can get in and out fast.

It took me a long time to get to know my roommates Freshmen year of college but once I did, they didn't understand why I didn't talk more. I know this sounds bad but the first time I got drunk (which was in college) I felt free for the first time. It was the first time in my life that I just stopped giving a shit. I just didn't care what people thought anymore. It was great.

I feel like I've missed out on a lot. I spent most of high school in front of a computer screen and I still do a lot of that. The only reason I went to parties in college last year was because I tagged along with my roommate. I always felt bad about tagging along because I knew without him I wouldn't even know where the parties were. Now he's found other people and I'm back to square one.

For most of my life I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought I was just the shy kid that everyone ignored. Now I know what I have. The problem is that no one else thinks it's legitimate and I've only told 2 people about it because honestly, no one takes it seriously and no one cares.

I've never been a part of a group. Throughout my life, everyone I've known had their little group that they could rely and depend on. I've never had such a group. When I go home, I sit around and do nothing because I literally have maybe 1 friend from high school I can possibly hang out with.

I just wanted to tell you all my background and get your opinion on it. Sorry if this post isn't about anything specific.
 

MarCPatt

Well-known member
#2
I understand.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Most of us have gone through very similar situations. When I first told my family about my problem they first asked me, why? You are so young, what do you have to be anxious about? :roll:
 

MarCPatt

Well-known member
#3
Two more cents from me.

I just wanted to tell you to please not give up on your education and recuperation. Keep looking into getting better and not getting into alcohol and illegal drugs. There has to be something that can help you out. Someone posted information about B vitamins here on this site. Look into this information and talk to your family doctor for advise. If you end up needing medication ask for the none habit forming and try them first.
 

Dar10

New member
#4
Re: Two more cents from me.

MarCPatt said:
I just wanted to tell you to please not give up on your education and recuperation. Keep looking into getting better and do not getting into alcohol and illegal drugs. There has to be something that can help you out. Someone posted information about B vitamins here on this site. Look into this information and talk to your family doctor for advise. If you end up needed medication ask for the none habit forming and try them first.
I've learned to deal with it over the years (to an extent) without taking medication, although I just recently found out I actually have something to take medication for. I noticed the blushing has gone down a little with time, meaning I don't always blush in public situations, such as a class presentation, but I can't control if I do or don't. I tried smoking pot Freshmen year and that didn't do anything really. I quit doing that. I haven't drank in at least 6 months mainly because I have no one to drink with anymore and I've seriously considered drinking by myself a few times but haven't done it yet. School I do fine in. I've thought about tranfering and dropping out a few times but I've got good grades so realistically it would be stupid to do.

I went to this "Positive Thinking" place once that sits you down in a chair and says all these relaxing and calming things to you. You get tapes, a book, etc. The only problem is the thing costs like $900 and my parents said "sure, we'll pay for it if that's what you need" but I'm not about to let my parents pay damn near $1,000 for something that's not guaranteeing anything. I'd pay for it myself but I've never had a job due to...yeah you guessed it. Of course, the pressure of your parents to get a job at 19 is rediculous, not to mention I have no work experience at the age of 19 which doesn't help getting a job in the first place or my confidence level.

Like I said I've never taken medication for it. I've seen commercials for Zoloft and pretty much said "yep, that's me" but those commercials seem a little fishy if you know what I mean. They say like "if you've experienced these symptoms for at least 2 weeks" when I've had them basically as far back as I can remember. Something seems wrong about it. The vitamins however I will definitely look into. My parents are into all that vitamin health stuff so they will support it.

I can function in society (kind of) to do the things I have to do, like go to class and register for class. It's not enjoyable, but I do it. I still have the problems when I go home though. People usually have fun on Spring Break or winter break but I stay in the house literally the entire vacation and watch tv. That's just not normal. A month in the house watching tv...

For myself I can sum up social anxiety pretty easily. It's living your life without enjoying the majority of it. You rarely say what you want to say and do what you want to do. You're a prisoner of your own fear and almost constant depression comes along with that. It's no picnic...I really hope society becomes more aware of this in the future.
 
#5
Hi
Everything you said sounds exactly like me. I'm also 19, and in college. I can force myself to function as far as going to classes and stuff, but every day is a struggle. I dont know what to tell you, but just know youre not alone.
Good Luck
 

Jess333

Well-known member
#6
Hey Dar10,

Read my post, it's right above yours I think. Maybe it helps? The topic is called "My Story" and the title looks weird because it has some "b's" in it hehehe. I pressed the "B" for BOLD button and it put some b's in the title. Anyway.

You're not alone. I know what you mean, you haven't met a lot of people that feel the way we do so we feel like we're the only ones. Not true.

I went to marijuana, but TRUST ME. Drugs DON"T HELP. They just cover it up and you return to the same thinking when you sober up and most likely even worse. Alcohol is a depressant.

plus continued drug use can end your life. And trust me , you REALLY don't want that. You just need to get better. Email me if you need support, ok? [email protected]

My name is Jessica, I'm 27, in Oregon.

Do you think you may have a self-esteem issue?
 
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