#41
Sacrament said: ↑An "ugly" guy with confidence goes way farther in life than a handsome man with no confidence.
I wish more people understood this.
#41
I wish more people understood this.
social anxiety is highly treatable
#41
I wish more people understood this.
#42
A way that works well is if you practice everyday to improve with cbt style behaviours, daily practice does work a lot, there is no magic wand that'll cure the problems without you practicing strategies.
Exercise and meditating with music also really helps..
But nothing is perfect.
And often the problems can be external to yourself, the environments at work or home could be toxic and you could be surrounded by people who are causing your anxiety issues as well. So you either find ways to communicate to them assertively or you move away from those sotuations.
Exercise and meditating with music also really helps..
But nothing is perfect.
And often the problems can be external to yourself, the environments at work or home could be toxic and you could be surrounded by people who are causing your anxiety issues as well. So you either find ways to communicate to them assertively or you move away from those sotuations.
#43
Yeah but you have to very literally change the way you think. Which is no easy task to say in the least. You'll be in a constant battle with your own thoughts and will have to learn to pick them apart like a defense attorney.
Richey said: ↑Exercise and meditating with music also really helps..
I happen to have favorite meditation music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYzwHMfyY0I
#45
BlueDays said: ↑Being in a constant state of anxiety - as I am in all types of social interaction - results in becoming "stuck" in the Amygdala part of your brain.
For CBT to actually work you need to get yourself out of the Amygdala part, and into the Prefrontal Cortex part of the brain.
Only then will CBT be able to work. The hard part is trying various methods to find which one successfully gets you out of your Amygdala and into your Prefrontal Cortex. Their is more complexity to it, but that is the gist of it.
CBT still won't work for me because I have not been able to find a method of getting my thoughts out of the Amygdala (during a social situation) yet for any longer than a few minutes.
This is interesting, but worrisome as well. It's actually quite understood now that in disorders like ADHD *and* most types of autism, the Prefrontal Cortex is dysfunctional, or underfunctioning. This is proven by the fact that these two developmental disorders almost always include a strong component of Executive Dysfunction: planning, organizing, anticipating consequences.. etc.. all done in large part, in the prefrontal cortex.
I have seriously bad ADD. I wonder if it is even possible to shift my focus into an already disordered part of the brain?
#46
Rumplestiltskin said: ↑You might be objectively ugly and worry about other people criticizing you, for example. If you are, it is a fact that other people will be criticizing your looks, so it is normal for you to feel anxiety when exposing yourself. In cases like this, no psychologist is going to be able to change your thoughts, since they arise from reality and are indeed rational.
As long as you aren't John Merrick, you'll be fine. I can guarantee that you don't look anything like him, mate.
And also.. has the world become so shallow that a few subtle imperfections in looks cause problems? I have trouble believing that.
#47
shy_guy_666 said: ↑yes CBT is very clever tool but when your fear and panic paralyse you (Amygdala) in the middle of a social interaction... your thinking brain goes blank... and when you cant think, you cant use CBT which is a "reasoning" therapy...
did you find any techniques that may work to get out of the amygdala grip ?
The process goes;
Thoughts --> fears/emotions ---> amygdala gets hijacked by emotions caused by your thoughts.
So the idea of CBT is to help become self aware of the thought process **leading up to** an amygdala hijacking. In other words, to stop your mind causing itself to become paralysed with fear due to your own thought processes beforehand.
Yes - once the hijacking occurs it's more or less too late to put CBT into use.
CBT is rational thought. A large part of SA is irrational thought.
Bronson99 said: ↑As long as you aren't John Merrick, you'll be fine. I can guarantee that you don't look anything like him, mate.
And also.. has the world become so shallow that a few subtle imperfections in looks cause problems? I have trouble believing that.
I sometimes see people in public who are grossly disfigured. I don't know how they survive. I feel so sorry for them. I hope they have a strong family structure.
#49
Sacrament said: ↑Objectively ugly to whom? Isn't that subjective? An "ugly" guy with confidence goes way farther in life than a handsome man with no confidence.
It is the people who are willing to try to fight the battle over doubt and low self-confidence who are more likely to achieve, regardless of looks. The mind is powerful for good and bad. My mind fears pissing people off, and it so powerful it achieves what I fear. Despite all the chaos in my mind, I've been able to create and achieve a few things I am proud of, and I have low confidence. But I fight the battle against my mind, even if most of the time I lose.
#50
Rumplestiltskin said: ↑Social anxiety caused by irrational thoughts is treatable; social anxiety caused by rational thoughts is not.
On a side note, an efficacy of 60% is ridiculously low. Are we really supposed to consider psychology to be a reliable science with figures like this?
How is 60 % ridiculously low? That means that if 5 of us were to undergo it, 3 of us would get cured. If there are 100 000 people on this site, after treatment there would be 40 000. Maybe that 40 000 could try a different method once the first had failed.
#51
I highly recomment this book to all of you http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself/dp/0671708821/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427557898&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+say+when+you+talk+to+yourself
It's not a "feel good" book in the sense that it doesn't give you the old "oh think positive thoughts" thing. It actually explains where your thoughts take place, how they take place, their origins, and how to change the programming of the inner workings of your thoughts, so that you can provide yourself with real, meaningful and long lasting change in perspectives and also in your life. It's a very interesting and compelling read.
It's not a "feel good" book in the sense that it doesn't give you the old "oh think positive thoughts" thing. It actually explains where your thoughts take place, how they take place, their origins, and how to change the programming of the inner workings of your thoughts, so that you can provide yourself with real, meaningful and long lasting change in perspectives and also in your life. It's a very interesting and compelling read.
Sacrament said: ↑I highly recomment this book to all of you http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself/dp/0671708821/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427557898&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+say+when+you+talk+to+yourself
It's not a "feel good" book in the sense that it doesn't give you the old "oh think positive thoughts" thing. It actually explains where your thoughts take place, how they take place, their origins, and how to change the programming of the inner workings of your thoughts, so that you can provide yourself with real, meaningful and long lasting change in perspectives and also in your life. It's a very interesting and compelling read.
I am afraid that if I change the way I think, other people will get angry at me. I am already monstrously offensive without meaning to be. I have often been identified as a disgusting, sub-human troll. If I display any hints of self-confidence, I am afraid that others will be so angry they will destroy me.
#53
Earthcircle said: ↑I am afraid that if I change the way I think, other people will get angry at me. I am already monstrously offensive without meaning to be. I have often been identified as a disgusting, sub-human troll. If I display any hints of self-confidence, I am afraid that others will be so angry they will destroy me.
People throw around the word troll a lot online, even for just expressing an opinion. So I'd take it with a grain of salt. :thumbup:
Megaten said: ↑People throw around the word troll a lot online, even for just expressing an opinion. So I'd take it with a grain of salt. :thumbup:
It's worse than that. I am shockingly offensive, but without meaning to be. Even therapists have refused to work with me because they find me so offensive. This is a serious thing. I thought I might have Asperger syndrome, but I took a "theory of mind" test and actually scored above average!
Sacrament said: ↑I highly recomment this book to all of you http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself/dp/0671708821/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427557898&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+say+when+you+talk+to+yourself
It's not a "feel good" book in the sense that it doesn't give you the old "oh think positive thoughts" thing. It actually explains where your thoughts take place, how they take place, their origins, and how to change the programming of the inner workings of your thoughts, so that you can provide yourself with real, meaningful and long lasting change in perspectives and also in your life. It's a very interesting and compelling read.
I am probably atypical, but I just read about ten pages of this book online and really did not like it so much. The writing style reminds me of an evangelical preacher (like the author, I grew up in rural middle America, but I generally find the culture repulsive). I found the book repellant. But others will hopefully see the virtues in it to which I am blind.
#56
Earthcircle said: ↑I am afraid that if I change the way I think, other people will get angry at me. I am already monstrously offensive without meaning to be. I have often been identified as a disgusting, sub-human troll. If I display any hints of self-confidence, I am afraid that others will be so angry they will destroy me.
What makes you appear so offensive? Others can only destroy you if you allow them to. If you're cool in your own skin, the things they say to you will only bounce back.
Sacrament said: ↑What makes you appear so offensive? Others can only destroy you if you allow them to. If you're cool in your own skin, the things they say to you will only bounce back.
I don't know, but even therapists have been offended. A couple of therapist refused to work with me, because I am so offensive.
In my early teens, my impulse was to be a Buddhist. I wanted to join a monastery or commune. Maybe that is what I should have done. But it would be hard to do it now, with all my commitments. I read this book when it first came out. http://www.amazon.com/Glimpse-into-Nothingness-Experiences-Community/dp/067141609X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1427583446&sr=8-3&keywords=a+glimpse+of+nothingness Living way out in the sticks, I wonder how the hell I got my hands on a copy of it. But I somehow managed to find several similar books. That seems like such a distant thing now.
Wait. I recall something called "mail a book." It was like a library system that operated through the mail, and was free. That is probably how I found a copy.
#59
What were the therapists' motives to call you that exactly? They don't just say that out of nowhere.
Sacrament said: ↑What were the therapists' motives to call you that exactly? They don't just say that out of nowhere.
One therapist thought I was lying to him, but I certainly was not. I told him I had a lover who died of AIDS. He got really sarcastic about that, because he didn't believe it. Another therapist was very offended by my descriptions of my father's behavior. I tried to describe my father's behavior accurately, but the mere descriptions of his behavior sounded so weird to her, she was offended. She didn't want to treat me anymore.