CeeJay1981
Banned
So why would you even care about your social anxiety and shyness? You're an intelligent person. You've probably got plenty of material things to keep you satisfied. You've got computer games, nice food, a warm comfy house and a television. Why would you need to be around people when most of the time they are shallow, tiring and sometimes just annoying?
I'd like to offer you my thoughts as to why you may be feeling motivated to understand and overcome your social anxiety and shyness.
The universe in which we live is governed by laws. Many of these laws are understood and considered common knowledge. Some of these laws are less well known and not as obvious to some. The law of gravity for example is fairly well known and is accepted as truth by pretty much everyone on the planet. You probably won't find many people who will disagree when you say that when you drop an apple it will always fall to the ground.
One set of universal laws that few people consider are the laws of human nature. In order to be happy as human beings we need to align ourselves with these laws. If we fail to do this then life becomes a struggle. Our entire lives are like swimming against the tide leaving us emotionally and physically exhasted.
One law of human nature is that we need food, and shelter. Another law is that we need sleep. Yet another law is the law of social connection and is what we will look at here.
If we fail to align ourselves with the law of social connection and get our social needs met then our mental, emotional and physical health deteriorates very quickly and we start to feel bad about ourselves, our lives and where we are headed. In my case I felt so bad that I considered suicide on more than one occasion. I kind of knew deep down that it was caused by my social anxiety and shyness, and my consequent lack of social life, but I didn't feel like I had enough personal power to do anything about it. I felt like a total loser and couldn't envision myself any other way.
So, now that we can admit to ourselves that moving past our social anxiety and shyness is a must what exactly is causing it in the first place? What is the difference between people who have social anxiety and shyness and those that seem to be full of confidence and effortless self expression?
The difference between a person who suffers social anxiety and shyness and one who doesn't is their core beliefs.
We have thousands of core beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world. We may have positive beliefs like "I am intelligent" or "I am a good driver" or "I am a good cook" or "I am an OK person"
Unfortunately, we may have negative beliefs like "I am a loser" or "I'm too fat" or "I'm too skinny" or "It's not safe to express myself" or "People think I'm annoying" or "I am NOT an OK person"
The main belief that causes us problems is that, for whatever reason, we think we are not OK. Take someone like Oprah Winfrey for example. She openly admits that she is fat. What makes her different, and others like her, is that she still believes that at her core she is still an OK person DESPITE the fact that she has 'imperfections.'
A person who struggles with social anxiety and shyness hold on tightly to their negative beliefs and use them, unknowingly, as evidence that they are not OK as a person.
The KEY point about these beliefs is that they are not inherently true but will SEEM to be true to the believer.
The only way to cure your social anxiety and shyness is to identify your negative beliefs and fix them. I want to assure you that after ten years of searching for a solution to my own social anxiety and shyness I have found there is no other long term and real solution than addressing my core beliefs.
Any approach that fails to address the issue of negative core beliefs is not going to help you get rid of your social anxiety and shyness. This is why I always refused to take medication because I intuitively felt that it would not address the root cause but merely ease the symptoms with the risk of harmful side effects.
I'd like to offer you my thoughts as to why you may be feeling motivated to understand and overcome your social anxiety and shyness.
The universe in which we live is governed by laws. Many of these laws are understood and considered common knowledge. Some of these laws are less well known and not as obvious to some. The law of gravity for example is fairly well known and is accepted as truth by pretty much everyone on the planet. You probably won't find many people who will disagree when you say that when you drop an apple it will always fall to the ground.
One set of universal laws that few people consider are the laws of human nature. In order to be happy as human beings we need to align ourselves with these laws. If we fail to do this then life becomes a struggle. Our entire lives are like swimming against the tide leaving us emotionally and physically exhasted.
One law of human nature is that we need food, and shelter. Another law is that we need sleep. Yet another law is the law of social connection and is what we will look at here.
If we fail to align ourselves with the law of social connection and get our social needs met then our mental, emotional and physical health deteriorates very quickly and we start to feel bad about ourselves, our lives and where we are headed. In my case I felt so bad that I considered suicide on more than one occasion. I kind of knew deep down that it was caused by my social anxiety and shyness, and my consequent lack of social life, but I didn't feel like I had enough personal power to do anything about it. I felt like a total loser and couldn't envision myself any other way.
So, now that we can admit to ourselves that moving past our social anxiety and shyness is a must what exactly is causing it in the first place? What is the difference between people who have social anxiety and shyness and those that seem to be full of confidence and effortless self expression?
The difference between a person who suffers social anxiety and shyness and one who doesn't is their core beliefs.
We have thousands of core beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world. We may have positive beliefs like "I am intelligent" or "I am a good driver" or "I am a good cook" or "I am an OK person"
Unfortunately, we may have negative beliefs like "I am a loser" or "I'm too fat" or "I'm too skinny" or "It's not safe to express myself" or "People think I'm annoying" or "I am NOT an OK person"
The main belief that causes us problems is that, for whatever reason, we think we are not OK. Take someone like Oprah Winfrey for example. She openly admits that she is fat. What makes her different, and others like her, is that she still believes that at her core she is still an OK person DESPITE the fact that she has 'imperfections.'
A person who struggles with social anxiety and shyness hold on tightly to their negative beliefs and use them, unknowingly, as evidence that they are not OK as a person.
The KEY point about these beliefs is that they are not inherently true but will SEEM to be true to the believer.
The only way to cure your social anxiety and shyness is to identify your negative beliefs and fix them. I want to assure you that after ten years of searching for a solution to my own social anxiety and shyness I have found there is no other long term and real solution than addressing my core beliefs.
Any approach that fails to address the issue of negative core beliefs is not going to help you get rid of your social anxiety and shyness. This is why I always refused to take medication because I intuitively felt that it would not address the root cause but merely ease the symptoms with the risk of harmful side effects.
