Social Anxiety and Relationships

[RedRibbons]

I've mentioned before, and I've noticed others mention the difficulty they have when trying to have a bf/gf relationship with someone.

I was just wondering, what happens to you when you get in a relationship? How does it start? How does it end? Who usually ends it? Why(what are some of your reasons)? Do you avoid relationships all together because you KNOW it's going to all fall apart again? Maybe you're married? You have kids? How did you get to that point?

Basically just try and explain how it usually goes, for better or worse.

 

[RedRibbons]

Well.. That says a lot. :roll:

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Hi you wanted to know about social anxiety and relationships. Your first questions was how does it start? Well for most of us it doesnt. I think I can speak for most of the others by saying that when we see someone we are attracted to we just seem to stay on parallel paths. By the time the paths do cross if ever.... its too late; because, the faster extroverts just end up takeing our potential dates.

Many time the person we are attracted to arent even aware we have an intrest in them.

The good news is sometimes old crushes becomes new friends with benifits. I meant that in a clean way. I ve had people who at one time I was attracted to end up choseing someone else because of my in action but we become frinds somehow.

This also applys to online relationships too.

Dont know if that reply was any help at all.

 

[RedRibbons]

thanks for replying. I just wanted to know how other people with SA acted in relationships. For me, I end up saying things and then over-analyze my bf's behaviour, and take it as a cue that I am not being a good girlfriend and then I end up apologizing a lot, for almost everything I say, and then I think I am dumb for saying sorry so much, so I say sorry for saying sorry. And then I think they get sick of it, so I get negative, and then a lot of the things that come out of my mouth are in stress/anxiety/anguish/angst and my whole vision becomes a ball of negativity, and I stop knowing what to do and say in the relationship.

Also, I stop trusting them really easily, so if my trust gets broken in the slightest way I go into a spiral and the thing they did to break my trust gets very inflated.

ALSO! lol I over-analyze everything I say and do in the relationship and worry that it's not good enough for them, and think that I am saying and doing things to manipulate or have ulterior motives.

I also become attracted to other people and then I get OC about that (I can't get other people out of my mind, even if I know they are not good for me, and even if I want to be in the original relationship).

So.. That's a little bit more towards what I meant.. ya know?

 

[Butterflies]

I wanted to reply to this but had to log off yesterday. I thought it was a really great topic - anyway with me...

I am very demanding of all my relationships. I give my whole heart & soul and I expect theirs in return. In a relationship once I am yours I am devoted but that comes at a cost :twisted: This turned out for the best for me - it means I have not had alot of relationships but when I do it turns out really well.

I have had one serious relationship and am still in that relationship.

I am in a loving relationship and am very happy but my man had to work for it. Most guys were too scared to approach me ... but this one person took the time to get to know me, to break down my barriers - when I told him to back off he allowed me space but our friendship grew - slowly.

Like you RedRibbons I did overanalyse and my emotions danced in and out of wanting a relationship. But he persisted (what a great guy). Hey I'm worth it I often say to him you have to pay for quality

Any for SP (and for anyone) I believe a romantic relationship should start with a strong solid friendship first (I'm an old-fashioned girl). That way there is less pressure to perform. It means you can gradually get to know someone to see if they are right and slowly you develop trust and comfort in the company of the other.