So my friends invited me out this Sunday...

[peelnstick]

This is a rant more than anything, pls ignore.

About two weeks ago, one of my best friends mentioned going on a bowling trip with a bunch of other people I know this upcoming Sunday. This wouldn't be an issue, of course I'd say yes, if I wasn't stubborn and hellishly phobic.

One big problem with facing my phobia Sunday isn't the destination but the trip and knowing that I'm so far away from my safe zone with no quick way to get back. It would be the furthest (farthest?) trip I've been on in at least six years, and even worse is it's not even an hour away. Not to mention I'll probably be taking a trip without my parents for the first time.

What hurts me the most, though, is that now I have one friend saying he'll give up on me if I don't go, because he thinks I'm not trying to overcome these fears. He says I put in a "half-assed" effort or "no effort at all". Meaning, I'll lose one of the best friends I've ever had.

He's already slowly slipping away. I've found it increasingly hard to talk to him. I used to completely worship him; he's everything I've ever wanted to be and I get so unnervingly jealous when I'm around him. Losing him would be absolutely devastating.

My closest friend at the moment (not playing favorites there.. I promise!) is nearing that same point, and it really scares me. I want to do it for them, but I feel like I'll disappoint and lose them either way.

Truth be told, I'm not really fighting this with a lot of gusto. I just haven't felt the need to. I know I'm too comfortable and complacent because I don't have any worries just staying here at home, not being judged by anyone or putting up with real life. I just don't feel a reason to have to do anything. I know I'd do better if I tried, but I really just can't start. Every night I think "Why can't tomorrow be different/better?" and I get a big surge of motivation to make the next day the day I start recovering, but when the sun actually rises, it's the same as always.

I don't want to remain rotting in this house, but I swear I've lost the ignition key to give me that spark to run.

 

[SmartCat]

Any 'friend' that hands out blackmail and threats to get you to do what they want is not a friend. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with this person. The problem with that is you are not him and never will be, you've got to learn how to be yourself.

This person obviously doesn't really understand SA, look for the people who want you to be there but who say things like 'don't worry I'll be there right by your side', rather than the ones who put pressure on you. Pressure never works, it just makes us more anxious and more likely to 'freak out'. Also bare in mind that some people actually like hanging around with people who think they are great because it makes them feel good about themselves, but it also makes you feel lesser by comparison and is probably not healthy.

If this trip is too much for you right now, then explain it to your friends, tell them you'd like to come, but your afraid your SA will make it a very unpleasant experience, then start going places not so far away from your comfort zone and increase the distance each time.

Your 'real' friends will understand.

 

[peelnstick]

I'm guessing from your post that you're quite young?

Yep, just turned 17 two weeks ago. If that's young

Any 'friend' that hands out blackmail and threats to get you to do what they want is not a friend. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with this person.

I can't really say that he's blackmailing me. I know he's trying to help by enraging my nerves and I guess the fear of him leaving is supposed to make me want to go.. I'm not sure. I know he's not purposely doing stuff like this just to hurt me without a cause. Or I hope anyway. My closest friend has tried similar techniques of reverse psychology on me and it actually works. Though, both of them threatened to slap me if I had a panic attack :|

He used to be really shy too, but I don't think he's ever had agoraphobia. I can't say he's had SA, but both him and my closest friend had a long period of shyness and putting up with insults, annoying people, and just general quietness. Now they're probably among the top outgoing people I know.

Regarding my jealousy of him, it's really hard to just let it go. This may sound really selfish, but the best feeling I ever got, and the best boost to my self-esteem, was recently when I saw him finally fail at something. I'm not wishing bad on him, but it's just such a weight off my shoulders to see him not doing something well. It's like "Thank God I don't have anything to live up to".

some people actually like hanging around with people who think they are great because it makes them feel good about themselves, but it also makes you feel lesser by comparison and is probably not healthy.

This hits the screw on the head. I don't want to lose that because he *is* so great and it helps me feel like I'm great too. I guess that's not very healthy after all. I feel like if I'm lucky enough to get him to actually like me, then I would be A-ok with anyone and anything else, because I place him on such a pedestal.

I wish I was able to approach him more, but after all that it just seems impossible. Tensions are extremely high every time we talk and I try so hard just to keep him from saying something sarcastic or rude (or I perceive it that way). He's not like that in person, but online he can be quite the ass. (yay hypocritical!)

I know it's probably for the better of me though. He is right.

 

[mistyred]

today was my mums birthday but she died on 17th march last year. my dad wanted to mark the occassion with a family meal out. I don't drive and live in a different county from the rest of my family. My only way to them was by bus.

I'm pleased. no, over the moon to report I did the trip there and even managed the meal and got back home

Ok, I've got a terrible headache, backache and tension ache across my stomach but who cares???? I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You do what you can at the time but I've got to say as achy as I feel right now, I'm on the biggest high ever!!!!!

 

[peelnstick]

Sorry to hear about your mom, mistyred.

Congratulations on your trip! I love hearing of other people's successes!

It's an amazing feeling to accomplish something like that. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to try to do a similar thing tomorrow, by going out with a friend, because it's just the best high you can get. A small step can accomplish a lot emotionally.

 

[[email protected]]

Hey peelnstick,

I just wanted to come here and tell you that I was 16 when I was like you and now I am almost 21 and I am fine, I go out and I even have children, so I want to tell you that you can get thru this and I hope know that I will help you if you like. my msn is [email protected] please come and talk to me if you need someone to relate to

I have webcam if ur scared that I might be an old man haha