So much effort

[Greenade]

Hi,

Why are even the most simple things so much effort?

I went shopping yesterday, drove to a retail park and eventually found a place to park with it being a bank holiday....

Everything sounds so normal.....i went to argos, homebase, tesco, and various others....BUT i walk through those shops in a practical dream....always self aware and so full of anxiety....i seem to walk as fast as i can and don't even notice im doing it until i begin to sweat....

So busy concentrating on where i'm going and avoiding looking at anyone....wondering if anyone likes me or just thinks im plain weird 8O

I came out of homebase with some big plastic plant tubs that my mom wanted for the garden.....i had to walk the entire length of the retail park with them because the car was parked on the otherside......i was soo self aware....so inward thinking....felt so awkward and hot......so much so that i forgot i had left my mother in the car waiting...... Put them in the car and she startled me......!!! :roll:

My point is that i was so full of anxiety it made me forget everything apart from what was right in front of my nose..... :!:

I am so sick of trying to punch through this wall of anxiety whenever i do even the most simple of things.....

I went shopping thats all.......yet i was totally drained and knackered because of it.....

I think i'm better off stuck in my room living in my own little prison....er sorry i mean life....!!!
I try to be positive....it just takes all my energy and seems to be pointless sometimes......

Yet another depressing post from me..... <--- even that line is depressing......aarrgghh its mental.....life is so confusing....i've made myself laugh now and i don't even know why

Think i'll go before i split myself in two... :?

Ade

 

[Angie_05]

You completely described how I was feeling yesterday at school. One of my teachers asked me to hang posters around campus of upcoming therapy sessions (which I could really use but am too scared to sign up.)

I walked through about 4 buildings and in the end I couldn't remember everywhere I had been. I had the feeling I might need to go back and hang more posters but I was too scared to walk back into a building where I had been.

I remember that feeling of self-awareness that you describe. That is the perfect word for it. I never could have thought of that. Makes me feel like a zombie. I get like this just sitting in class or working out. Too busy thinking about the fact that someone might be watching me to focus on what I'm doing.

 

[paul]

I know what you mean - SA can not only make complete everyday tasks like shopping or walking around town seem like an enormous burden, but also, if you're at, say, a crowded place because everyone is watching something really amazing (like ... uh. I can't think of anything. the tallest waterfall in the world? haha but you get what I'm saying) you don't see the amazing-ness of it, you just see the anxiety, as there are lots of people.
And what makes it worse? The fact that most people are paying attention to their shopping or watching the amazing thing doesn't help one damn bit.
I think that you should take a rest maybe, just relax for a day or something. Maybe try to have a positive attitude about it, even though I know how virtually impossible that is. Maybe set goals - start small like maybe going shopping and walk normally, and give yourself a reward (but heh, for social phobics this reward might be staying inside all day )

I hope you feel better soon. You can defeat this awful disorder!

 

[allanboy]

This has happened plenty to me. It sucks totally. Walking around too scared to note details and look on people´s eyes.
Try to loosen up, especially because of the hot feeling part. If i lived by the beach, i would walk around with an open shirt all the time. It gives you a lightness, a badassitude so great...

 

[Meatwad]

Hey, I know how you feel, but at least you got youself to go to all those places! I have a problem with going places, shopping, etc. alone.
I guess the more you do it, the easier it gets, but I rarely do it.

 

[Kalima]

Greenade,

Aw man, I can most def. feel your pain. As pple with SA/SP, even the most arbitrary activities such as walking around in a mall or anywhere in public and talking to people may seem like the most difficult things in the world. I'm a student at a huge university and it's makes things hard because I have to walk in public all the time and sometimes I get really really uncomfortable. But I'm actually getting better and better (more comfortable now) but the challende lives on. But one thing I noticed about people without SP/SA is that they have this air of "weightlessness" meaning that they take things lightly, just get through the day casually and not putting too much pressure on themselves. Trying to get that state of mind I believe, I know is one thing that will def. help anyone overcome! Good luck everyone!

 

[Boundless]

Agree with pretty much all of it,cloths shopping the most :x