Downshift
New member
Sorry for this being so long, but for the story readers, it's worth reading, but it's also a cry for help...
I'll try to make this short and sweet...
Once upon a time I was probably one of the most anti-social people on the face of this earth. I would talk to almost no one except for 2 people whom I trusted very dearly. One of these two people invited me to an outing with his church to go bowling. I went, and met a girl that lit the candle that has always desired to be lit. I never would have even noticed her, but I stepped on her foot by mistake and... well, things kinda took off from there.
I liked her from the start, and it was very obvious that she liked me... I felt like we would be the perfect couple, and everyone else I talked to thought exactly the same. We always talked, always flirted, hugged, etc. There was even one very awkward moment where we were alone in a room and almost kissed, but were interrupted. I just kept looking for that definate sign that she really did like me. I waited for over a year, and by doing that I take it that I blew it. In that time, I worked day in and day out to build up the courage to ask her out. I finally did, and sadly, I was turned down.
My world went in a downward spiral after that... I went back to my anti-social ways, kept to myself, and cried whenever I thought about the past. I drove myself into a depression in which I couldn't think, eat, sleep. I didn't want to talk to ANYONE about it and that in it's own hurt me like none other. I couldn't release my feelings, yet I wanted to. Everyone knew it too. Everyone knew something was wrong...
On November 18th, 2005, my friend came to me and demanded that I go with him the next day (Saturday) on a date with his GF. I found it awkward, but he said that I would have a really good time if I went. I didn't care, but I went anyway. On the way there, I asked why he wanted me to go and he said that his GF had a friend who was single, and looking for a guy like me. I figured... then figured that I was going to be introduced to some ugly, fat, loser girl who I wouldn't even want to talk to. But, I figured that I'd give her a chance and went to the theatre anyway. My friend and his GF went on in and got seats and I stood by the ticket counter waiting for the description he gave me (Her name was Kayla, Blonde hair, big blue eyes, 5'3", big boobs (lol)... I saw a lot of girls who looked like that and every one of them had a guy with them, so I walked towards the back of the line and spotted a very beautiful looking girl who matched the description and I thought to myself "Why not?" and walked up to her and muttered a single word... "Kayla?"... She looked at me with those lovely blue eyes and smiled. We didn't go to the movie... We went to the home of a friend of hers where we quickly became very good friends. We shared very similar interests, likes, dislikes, etc.
After a couple of hours of chatting, I finally asked her... "Would it freak you out if I told you that this is the first date that I have ever been on?". She then grinned and replied with "That is the most romantic thing I have ever heard from a guy. I'm suprised that you're not the one freaking out!" I smiled.
We left after about 3 hours and went to Mc. Donalds's drivethru. She wanted fries and a HUGE soda, so I bought them and she sat the soda in this huge cup holder that slid out of the dash on the passenger side (Chevy Beretta Z26). We drove around for a while after that and ended up at the park (the town's makeout spot). She went to go put her feet out of the window, but bumped that tray and knocked the huge soda into my floorboard and there was soda standing there about 1" deep. She kept appologizing and I said not to worry about it, and we both went back to get her a new soda. While we were in the drive thru, she decided that the floor was too soaked in soda to rest her feet on, so she climbed across the console and sat in my lap with her legs in the passenger seat. I wasn't really sure how to take this, so I smiled and played it as cool as I could. When we got one car away from the window at Mickey D's, I could hear the people in the car in front of us dicking around with the people at the window. There were about 5 people at the window talking to the people in the car and they were being very loud. Kayla noticed that and smiled and said "Geez, they're being pretty roudy. You wanna make em jealous?" Being the curious person I am, I asked how and she said "Like this..." and kissed me. We kept kissing up to the window, where luckilly, I had the exact change and just passed it over, got the soda, and drove past, all the while I heard employees saying things like "Woah" and "That's definately a first". When we got past the window, we stopped and both started laughing. She stayed in my lap as I drove back to the theatre and when I pulled up, my buddy and his GF were waiting outside for us. My buddy came up to the window and said "Wow. You two really hit it off eh?"
We both got out of the car and talked some more and then she asked me to take her home, which I promptly agreed to. When we got to her house, we kissed goodbye and she gave me her phone number. My first phone number, my first girlfriend.
I called the next day and got her sister. I asked to talk to Kayla, but she wasn't there, so I talked to her sister, who told me how much Kayla loved me, etc. I loved every minute of it. I eventually hung up and told her sister to have her call me later when she got back. She never did. The next day came around and I called her and actually got her. Well, according to her, she couldn't talk because her grandma was over and she was really sick, so I let her go and said I'd call her later. I called her later that night and got no answer.
I called the next day and once again, got her sister. She told me that Kayla wanted to see me again and that we should go out again that night and actually go see the movie we were supposed to go see to begin with. I agreed and her sister asked me to pick up and bring her boyfriend with me. I knew her BF and figured it'd put a good image on me with Kayla if I did it, so I did. When we got to the theatre, no Kayla, no sister. We waited for 2 hours and no one showed up. I called her house several times and no one answered, so finally I went to her house and knocked on the door. I heard some stumbling and a drunken Kayla's father came to the door, invited us in and I had a seat. We asked where the girls were at got the reply of "Out on a date with you boys...". He had no idea where anyone was at. We just decided to stay there until someone showed up. He did the best he could in talking about how he loved his daughters and how his wife passed away and how he wants us to be the best guys we could ever be for his girls, etc.
During that speech, I heard a stumbling and a crash. Kayla's dad didn't really seem to care what it was, but I was interested in finding out what it was so I went into the kitchen (where the crash came from) and found Kayla laying on the floor in her PJ's. I wasn't really sure what to do, nor what had happened, so I turned her over on her back and listened for breathing, which I heard, but also got the strong smell of alcohol on her breath. I figured she had passed out, so I picked her up and took her into the room where it was apparent she had been sleeping. I tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead and said quietly "Please dont do this to me... please." I stood there holding back tears, collected myself then went back to the living room where everyone was at. I then made the decision to leave, and took Kayla's sis's bf home and went home myself.
I called the next day after school and got her dad... She wasn't home. He then told me "You know you two are JUST friends right?". I wasn't really sure what to say, but so he wouldn't be pissed off, I told him yes and the conversation came to an end.
I called several times after that, only to find out that she was not home. I visited her house twice, only to find she wasn't home and that she was at someone elses house. When I got there, no one was home. It was so weird. Then, one Sunday afternoon, I got a phone call. I wasn't sure who it was, so I asked "This is Autumn... you and Kayla came to my house that one night." I then acknowledged that I knew who she was then she said "Listen... I know that you're a really nice guy, and I know how much you must really like Kayla, but... *sigh*... the reason she hasn't been home or anywhere else that you've called or went is because she's avoiding you." ... I wasn't really sure what to say then.
"You still there?"
"Yeah"
"I honestly don't know... And I'm not really sure what to say to make things better for you. You two seemed like such a great couple, but... I guess she didn't think so."
I started tearing up then and said "Well... Thanks for telling me instead of letting me go forever without knowing what's going on." The conversation ended there.
Since then... I've been lost. Things have, once again, slowly went in a downward spiral. I've always wondered what happened. I've come up with several different stories, but I'll never know what truely happened. I was so desperate for an answer, and have been since. I finally made the decision to go to her house and ask her face to face what happened, but knocked on her door only to find out she had moved away. The house was completely empty. I then sat on her porch for well over an hour and cried the whole time. This was just last week, and it's been 5 months since then.
I'm still very socially active, and grow every day, it's just... I have no desire to jump into a relationship with ANY girl. Which, depresses me. I guess I'm afraid I'll get ditched like I did with Kayla. I need to know how to let go. I've tried everything and nothing seems to want to let go. It's not just the letting go part... it's letting go, and moving on. I have several girls in my eye that I'd love to ask out, but... It's not the immediate rejection that scares me, it's the fact that I might get ditched again.
Please... someone who's actually read this, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm so lost right now that I don't really feel as if I'll ever be the same again.
I'll try to make this short and sweet...
Once upon a time I was probably one of the most anti-social people on the face of this earth. I would talk to almost no one except for 2 people whom I trusted very dearly. One of these two people invited me to an outing with his church to go bowling. I went, and met a girl that lit the candle that has always desired to be lit. I never would have even noticed her, but I stepped on her foot by mistake and... well, things kinda took off from there.
I liked her from the start, and it was very obvious that she liked me... I felt like we would be the perfect couple, and everyone else I talked to thought exactly the same. We always talked, always flirted, hugged, etc. There was even one very awkward moment where we were alone in a room and almost kissed, but were interrupted. I just kept looking for that definate sign that she really did like me. I waited for over a year, and by doing that I take it that I blew it. In that time, I worked day in and day out to build up the courage to ask her out. I finally did, and sadly, I was turned down.
My world went in a downward spiral after that... I went back to my anti-social ways, kept to myself, and cried whenever I thought about the past. I drove myself into a depression in which I couldn't think, eat, sleep. I didn't want to talk to ANYONE about it and that in it's own hurt me like none other. I couldn't release my feelings, yet I wanted to. Everyone knew it too. Everyone knew something was wrong...
On November 18th, 2005, my friend came to me and demanded that I go with him the next day (Saturday) on a date with his GF. I found it awkward, but he said that I would have a really good time if I went. I didn't care, but I went anyway. On the way there, I asked why he wanted me to go and he said that his GF had a friend who was single, and looking for a guy like me. I figured... then figured that I was going to be introduced to some ugly, fat, loser girl who I wouldn't even want to talk to. But, I figured that I'd give her a chance and went to the theatre anyway. My friend and his GF went on in and got seats and I stood by the ticket counter waiting for the description he gave me (Her name was Kayla, Blonde hair, big blue eyes, 5'3", big boobs (lol)... I saw a lot of girls who looked like that and every one of them had a guy with them, so I walked towards the back of the line and spotted a very beautiful looking girl who matched the description and I thought to myself "Why not?" and walked up to her and muttered a single word... "Kayla?"... She looked at me with those lovely blue eyes and smiled. We didn't go to the movie... We went to the home of a friend of hers where we quickly became very good friends. We shared very similar interests, likes, dislikes, etc.
After a couple of hours of chatting, I finally asked her... "Would it freak you out if I told you that this is the first date that I have ever been on?". She then grinned and replied with "That is the most romantic thing I have ever heard from a guy. I'm suprised that you're not the one freaking out!" I smiled.
We left after about 3 hours and went to Mc. Donalds's drivethru. She wanted fries and a HUGE soda, so I bought them and she sat the soda in this huge cup holder that slid out of the dash on the passenger side (Chevy Beretta Z26). We drove around for a while after that and ended up at the park (the town's makeout spot). She went to go put her feet out of the window, but bumped that tray and knocked the huge soda into my floorboard and there was soda standing there about 1" deep. She kept appologizing and I said not to worry about it, and we both went back to get her a new soda. While we were in the drive thru, she decided that the floor was too soaked in soda to rest her feet on, so she climbed across the console and sat in my lap with her legs in the passenger seat. I wasn't really sure how to take this, so I smiled and played it as cool as I could. When we got one car away from the window at Mickey D's, I could hear the people in the car in front of us dicking around with the people at the window. There were about 5 people at the window talking to the people in the car and they were being very loud. Kayla noticed that and smiled and said "Geez, they're being pretty roudy. You wanna make em jealous?" Being the curious person I am, I asked how and she said "Like this..." and kissed me. We kept kissing up to the window, where luckilly, I had the exact change and just passed it over, got the soda, and drove past, all the while I heard employees saying things like "Woah" and "That's definately a first". When we got past the window, we stopped and both started laughing. She stayed in my lap as I drove back to the theatre and when I pulled up, my buddy and his GF were waiting outside for us. My buddy came up to the window and said "Wow. You two really hit it off eh?"
We both got out of the car and talked some more and then she asked me to take her home, which I promptly agreed to. When we got to her house, we kissed goodbye and she gave me her phone number. My first phone number, my first girlfriend.
I called the next day and got her sister. I asked to talk to Kayla, but she wasn't there, so I talked to her sister, who told me how much Kayla loved me, etc. I loved every minute of it. I eventually hung up and told her sister to have her call me later when she got back. She never did. The next day came around and I called her and actually got her. Well, according to her, she couldn't talk because her grandma was over and she was really sick, so I let her go and said I'd call her later. I called her later that night and got no answer.
I called the next day and once again, got her sister. She told me that Kayla wanted to see me again and that we should go out again that night and actually go see the movie we were supposed to go see to begin with. I agreed and her sister asked me to pick up and bring her boyfriend with me. I knew her BF and figured it'd put a good image on me with Kayla if I did it, so I did. When we got to the theatre, no Kayla, no sister. We waited for 2 hours and no one showed up. I called her house several times and no one answered, so finally I went to her house and knocked on the door. I heard some stumbling and a drunken Kayla's father came to the door, invited us in and I had a seat. We asked where the girls were at got the reply of "Out on a date with you boys...". He had no idea where anyone was at. We just decided to stay there until someone showed up. He did the best he could in talking about how he loved his daughters and how his wife passed away and how he wants us to be the best guys we could ever be for his girls, etc.
During that speech, I heard a stumbling and a crash. Kayla's dad didn't really seem to care what it was, but I was interested in finding out what it was so I went into the kitchen (where the crash came from) and found Kayla laying on the floor in her PJ's. I wasn't really sure what to do, nor what had happened, so I turned her over on her back and listened for breathing, which I heard, but also got the strong smell of alcohol on her breath. I figured she had passed out, so I picked her up and took her into the room where it was apparent she had been sleeping. I tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead and said quietly "Please dont do this to me... please." I stood there holding back tears, collected myself then went back to the living room where everyone was at. I then made the decision to leave, and took Kayla's sis's bf home and went home myself.
I called the next day after school and got her dad... She wasn't home. He then told me "You know you two are JUST friends right?". I wasn't really sure what to say, but so he wouldn't be pissed off, I told him yes and the conversation came to an end.
I called several times after that, only to find out that she was not home. I visited her house twice, only to find she wasn't home and that she was at someone elses house. When I got there, no one was home. It was so weird. Then, one Sunday afternoon, I got a phone call. I wasn't sure who it was, so I asked "This is Autumn... you and Kayla came to my house that one night." I then acknowledged that I knew who she was then she said "Listen... I know that you're a really nice guy, and I know how much you must really like Kayla, but... *sigh*... the reason she hasn't been home or anywhere else that you've called or went is because she's avoiding you." ... I wasn't really sure what to say then.
"You still there?"
"Yeah"
"I honestly don't know... And I'm not really sure what to say to make things better for you. You two seemed like such a great couple, but... I guess she didn't think so."
I started tearing up then and said "Well... Thanks for telling me instead of letting me go forever without knowing what's going on." The conversation ended there.
Since then... I've been lost. Things have, once again, slowly went in a downward spiral. I've always wondered what happened. I've come up with several different stories, but I'll never know what truely happened. I was so desperate for an answer, and have been since. I finally made the decision to go to her house and ask her face to face what happened, but knocked on her door only to find out she had moved away. The house was completely empty. I then sat on her porch for well over an hour and cried the whole time. This was just last week, and it's been 5 months since then.
I'm still very socially active, and grow every day, it's just... I have no desire to jump into a relationship with ANY girl. Which, depresses me. I guess I'm afraid I'll get ditched like I did with Kayla. I need to know how to let go. I've tried everything and nothing seems to want to let go. It's not just the letting go part... it's letting go, and moving on. I have several girls in my eye that I'd love to ask out, but... It's not the immediate rejection that scares me, it's the fact that I might get ditched again.
Please... someone who's actually read this, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm so lost right now that I don't really feel as if I'll ever be the same again.
