So anxious.

[sucettes]

UGH! I don't even know why I am writing this but here we go. My friend was calling me on the phone and I ignored it as usual. Then the worst thing happened - she shows up at my house (with two acquaintances)

They were in the car and I was standing in the door to my house talking to them. I tried to come up with some excuse but she just kept on saying stuff like "come on come on, just come out for a little while... Bring your bf bla bla bla". So I gave up and asked my bf if he wanted to come out and meet my "friends" for the first time so he did.

I was already in panic even before I got in the car so I grabbed a vodka bottle, just drinking it straight from the bottle to calm me down. (Vodka doesn't even taste good but I was in panic so somehow I was able to take a few huge sips.) And it made me feel a little bit better.

But still not good enough. I was so nervous and it just felt horrible to sit there in the car with them. They were all loud while I tried to keep cool. Also, I live in Scandinavia but my bf is from the UK. So they would have to speak English but they didn't say a single word to him except from "hi" the rest was in a language he wouldn't understand. I had a hard time because I didn't know what language to speak.... So then I got anxious about that too.

It was a very awkward trip. I asked "where are we going" but they didn't really know. They just drove around for a bit and then dropped us off. It was rather weird. And I don't know what the point was because we didn't do anything. Just sat there, in the car listening to s*itty pop music and talking a little bit, while my bf was just looking out the window 'cause he didn't understand anything.

NOW I'm absolutely paranoid. Worrying about the way I acted, if I did anything wrong, if they could see that I was nervous, if I was blushing. I just got a text on my phone but I'm too anxious to check because I'm scared it will be one of them saying something like "you looked quite strange in the car today.. You alright?" or something like that.

I'm sorry for rambling. And making such a thread that's only about myself but I just felt like letting this one out and hopefully it would feel better afterwards. I'm surprised if someone even read all this but thanks if you did.

I hope all this made sense, still quite shaky.

 

[sucettes]

i dont think they would mind if you spoke both languages
if your anxious or worried about all of this you could always try talking to them, your friends and bf

Well, the thing is that I'm too anxious to talk to my "friends". I don't feel that I'm enough friends with them to be able to open up. My boyfriend on the other hand knows it all, he knows about my SA and that's good. But it's them that makes me anxious, and the whole situation.

and you shouldnt feel bad about posting something just about yourself, its what this website is for
and people can learn from your experience or they can relate so everyboody wins

Thanks.

 

[carecrab]

If your bf understand about your SA i think he'll understand if you tell him.

However if you are crazy and paranoid like me and you don't want to bother your loved ones with your SA all the time you can also say something like.. sorry for that situation earlier but... and then you explain.

I don't know your bf and how well he knows you.. so maybe there is need to explain because he sees that you're fearful and doesn't know why.