sister friend is coming round on monday

[Lotrsfan]

Help! i've just found out my sister's friend is coming round on Monday, i know it's only for the morning coz they've got to go to school in the afternoon (they have study leave see and they only go into school when they have an exam) and i'm so anxious about it! When these sort of things come up i so wish i had a job to go too, so that i wouldn't have to be here. I feel so ackward, of where to be in the house when her friends are around , and i'm worried she'll think what am i doing here, should i be at college or work. I can't hide up in my room coz i don't have my own room, i share one with my sister, and i don't really want to be in the same room as my sister and her mate really. I'm just thinking of just going on thr computer that's in my parents room but i can't be on there for a whole morning. and i have to go downstairs to get some breakfast and lunch, but i don't like to pass them round the house. It feels so pathetic! Havin' SP makes us feel so daft!

 

[crescent]

I understand, right now my bro's friend is coming and staying in our house like 3 days and still haven't go yet, and I stay in my room most of the time, the difference is just that I have my own room. I don't fell like going out also. I know they sure think i'm a bit weird because I stay in my room all the time, but i don't care...
I think you can pretend like you are busy with someting like reading or playing internet, if the friend ask you just answer the truth, I think if your sister attend to her friend well, her friend will not ask you much question.

 

[shipost]

Help! i've just found out my sister's friend is coming round on Monday, i know it's only for the morning coz they've got to go to school in the afternoon (they have study leave see and they only go into school when they have an exam) and i'm so anxious about it! When these sort of things come up i so wish i had a job to go too, so that i wouldn't have to be here. I feel so ackward, of where to be in the house when her friends are around , and i'm worried she'll think what am i doing here, should i be at college or work. I can't hide up in my room coz i don't have my own room, i share one with my sister, and i don't really want to be in the same room as my sister and her mate really. I'm just thinking of just going on thr computer that's in my parents room but i can't be on there for a whole morning. and i have to go downstairs to get some breakfast and lunch, but i don't like to pass them round the house. It feels so pathetic! Havin' SP makes us feel so daft!

ive been there to but I had my own room, only prob was I had all my stuff downstairs like pc and tv so I was always in the same room with her friends while I browse the net. Kinda annoying to when you want to go watch porn :lol:

 

[Lotrsfan]

HereAndNow, thanks for giving me some advice on things to say , but i've never spoken to my sister's friend (s) when they come round and they never bother speaking to me either, i just get on with what i'm doing and usually ignore them. actually the only time i've said something to her was when i was in our room getting something and then all of a sudden my sister and her mate came home for school and i heard them run upstairs and next min they were in our room and to avoid anything ackward i said hiya and she said hiya back then i went out of the room, but that's the only time i've said something to her. So if i do ask one of those questions above she'll think it's shocking that all of a sudden i'm talking to her and may not probably answer coz she might be shy, and she may leave it to my sister to reply, and i'd be worried it'll come out all wrong and she'll know i'm shy.

 

[brownbag]

So if i do ask one of those questions above she'll think it's shocking that all of a sudden i'm talking to her and may not probably answer coz she might be shy, and she may leave it to my sister to reply, and i'd be worried it'll come out all wrong and she'll know i'm shy.

Hey there Lotrsfan, as you know as most people have already mentioned in many other posts.. whenever we talk to friends of friends.. or friends of siblings.. or just strangers we meet at parties or functions or wherever we may happen to be,
Usually and most of the time, people really don't give a shit what we're saying, no matter how much they may laugh at us or make fun if we happened to say something they found funny - in the end, the only thing they have on their minds are their own problems and their own selves.
Of course they'll remember us, when they see us again.. and perhaps remember some things we said..But:

Most important thing to continue reminding ourselves is that 90%+ of the time, people are thinking of themselves and their own problems. And we should at least continue reminding and reminding ourselves of this (together with whatever techniques or methods you use) until there is some sense of relief. (heh i'm actually reminding myself of this as i write this out)
Just look to yourself, and you'll notice that after laughing at someone's faults or after someone did something embarrassing and you saw it, you'd most likely forget it the day after. Same goes for other people the day after.

So what i'm trying to get at is, learn to accept that this is You - the shy/soft talking.. (knowing that at least you'll improve in it and will better know how to in future no matter how small the improvement - There is improvement!! and you get better along the way..)
On your Good days, which Will come, you may be speaking louder than usual - Accept that as You as well!
So wHat if you talk softly or in a shy manner! that Doesn't mean you're lower than or inferior to anybody else.
and the thing is, of all the different ways that you/we act, whether serious,funny,happy,noisy,quiet,sad - those are You!
There's no 1 main character trait or personality that we are. We are all of those combined together.

If your sister's friend thinks you're shy, tell yourself "So What!?"
"This is My Life and I can say it however I want to say it! even if it comes out wrong"
Don't limit yourself. FREE Yourself.
So what if you say something wrong. ALLOW yourself to make mistakes be imperfect like the human that you are. Lower your expectations of yourself.
You DON'T have to live up to other people's expectations..
So you don't have to say anything to them if you don't want to. (but of course in this case, i guess you would be trying to speak out more)
I know it's hard with SA, but try to increase your self worth no matter what anxiety you may be feeling. The anxiety may still be there, but it's possible to increase your self worth by doing some of the above mentioned.

Sorry if i took up too much of your time reading this. hope it helped. take care and God Bless!

 

[Alaina]

Wow! Just wanted to say that

a) Lotrsfan, I know exactly how you feel, I've been in that situation

b) The advice from HereandNow and brownbag is GREAT, inspiring posts!

 

[scatmantom]

i can relate to this, but the best thing u can do is be friendly and say hi and stuff. Then just go about your normal buisness, if your uncomfortable go for a walk/cycle drive for a while.

 

[dmsg]

I would just lock myself in the parent's room and sit on computer whole day

 

[boodizm]

I would just lock myself in the parent's room and sit on computer whole day

That's what I used to do, and time flies on the computer.
But if you don't want your sister's friend to think that you spend all your time at home/using computer then, (as tom suggested) maybe you could take a drive/walk to somewhere quiet and peaceful and take a good book or something to draw on which also helped me when I was in the same position.
You could also think about what you might say when you come back so you aren't put on the spot. But try and say something, even if it is 'hi'.

 

[Lotrsfan]

right so this is the day...

my sister's mate has arrived, she came very early about 8:30 am so that's the only time her mum can drop her off, and they are in the lounge talking, i can hear them as i'm on the computer upstairs, i don't think she even knows i'm here. My mum and I have planned to go out, as i need to look for some new trainers, and we are going to walk to the shoe store. So i'm not going to be in the house with my sister's mate for long, and by the time we get back they would've gone to their exam . Slight problem i need to walk into the lounge to get to the front door, and i'm not sure when my mum plans to go. And i would feel really stupid if i walk into the lounge and out in silence and there might be a silence strike between my sister and her mate coz she didn't know i was here. I'm thinking of making a little cough just to let her think oh, someone's upstairs. Ok, i know you said i should say hi, but i can't do it! ok you can really call me unsocialable, and unfriendly if you want. coz that's what i think too. But i wouldn't be if i wasn't so anxious! Ok *sigh* i will walk into the lounge and out but i won't say anything, i won't make eye contact with her mate. She probably won't mind, i dunno what they are doing but i can hear her mate giggling...in fact it's weird when she laughs she sounds as if she's crying lol. anyway...so i will do it....i've got to give it time and then the quicker i go the quicker i'll be to be on my way to the store

 

[crescent]

Ok, i know you said i should say hi, but i can't do it! ok you can really call me unsocialable, and unfriendly if you want. coz that's what i think too. But i wouldn't be if i wasn't so anxious!

Glad you made it through the day. I too sometimes feel that way, that I'm so unfriendly, cold, all to myself, etc. And yeah, I do not want to be like that. But I'm less bothered by it now. That's people's perception. I think to myself that it's better that if we don't look friendly outside but inside we have no bad intention towards this person, rather than you are friendly outside but inside you mock or belittle this person...

 

[Lotrsfan]

ok, they've gone to school now for their exam. My sister called another one of her mates to come round but that didn't bother me because she said that he will come round right before we were going to go out of the door to the shoe store. So i didn't have to worry that i'd be in the house when he arrives and when they are all here. I got myself some cool Gola sports trainers when i went to the shoe store . My sister will be finishing her exam soon i think and then will be coming home, but i'm not sure if she's bringing anyone home with her :? but it's funny coz i'm not nervous and it isn't bothering me now