single in a world of couples

[veryshy]

Every person I know and especially every girl I know of or work with is hooked up or married. Its rediculous, even strangers Ive struggled with making conversation with all end up being in a relationship with someone. I feel like Im the only single schmuck in the world.

Im just dieing for some attention from girls. Ive tried and Ive tried and Ive failed every single time, people always say "When you dont expect it you'll find someone" or "when you stop looking someone will come along". Well my entire teenage years and all of my life afterwards I "wasnt really looking" and I dont think there was any girl who wanted anything to do with me. It wasnt untill 1 1/2 years ago that I even thought someone would even want to be with me, that I even thought there was someone I wanted to be with, well.... I was mistaken she didnt want to be with me, she would rather get back together with her ex-husband who cheated on her. :?

Ever since then, I have been this horrible emotional rollercoaster of loneliness. Everytime I meet a girl I think might like me or I might have a chance with, I get all happy and semi-confident (because Im never fully confident), then when I work up the guts to ask her out, Im blown off, told she has someone else I didnt know about, etc., etc. and thats the ride back down to where I seem to live.... very low and hopeless. I dont know why but I dont like other people around (especially people I know) when I try to talk to girls or ask them out.

To make matters worse I live in a small town, theres really no "nightlife" scene I can just go mix into and I'm not a wealthy person. My car is not cool. I try to dress nice and look nice, but that dont seem to change anything... I mean yea I sometimes spot girls looking at me when Im in the store or something... but how the heck do you walk up to someone and just start a conversation?? I've tried the internet... unless your rich, have a really neat job or are a superstud/bad boy, it is like a tease. Sometimes when I see a pretty girl, I just get all depressed, because I already know...

I think people I know think Im gay or weird, because they've never seen me with a girl, I dont know what my parents think, but my mom seems dissappointed everytime I talk to her and she asks " So what have you been up to?" and she gets a response like "nothing much, same ol', sameol'". I know what she means "meet any girls? have any fun? Go on any dates?", but I've never really talked about my love life (or lack thereof) to anyone in my family. To her I think I seem angry and disenchanted and in some ways I think I am. I mean I'm a loser, my brother has been married and has a new baby on the way, been in multiple relationships and me... well... Im 25 and have never been out with a girl or been kissed, never even close. When no one is around and I think about it, I start to cry.

I wish I could go back and change my attitude when growing up, maybe that would make me a more social and cooler. Maybe I could of had a normal life, had a high school sweetheart, had some crazy, party years, maybe 1 or 2 failed relationships as learning tools and now I could be well on my way into my future with a special someone.

If that wasnt possible, maybe I could go back to before I thought someone would want to be with me and I could realize then that nobody wants me and I could go back to contentness I had before....

 

[loneEAGLE]

:evil: ive been their bro i know exactly where your coming from,infact your story sounds a lot like me, i know its hell you feel like the invisable man,you see woman with guys with half as much to offer as you and you just dont get its fucked up,this proves the whole sa problem with this even an asshole will get the girl cause he talks a good game or acts like an ass or is confident,dont worry what people say about you i deal with that shit too,people in my own family love to say "is he gay or just stupid"
worry about your self and just getting better,im 30 yrs old and i just heard of sa about a year ago,the key is to get help the longer you wait and the older you get the worse it makes you feel ,as you know this shit compleatly ruins your life

 

[renegade]

I hear you, veryshy and loneEAGLE, my life was like that till an year ago. My situation was like this.

In my flat there were 4 guys younger than me, about 4 or 5 years. And of course that was the group I was hanging in. By the time I was into high school, they were into 5-8 grade. I was oftenly told that I should hang up with people my age, but I was like deaf or something, and now I see what words of wisdom I got from complete strangers.

When I was 19, thay were like 14-15 years old. At that age, as you probablly know, relashionships are beginning to form. Some of them got girlfriends. I didn't cause it felt odd for me, dunno why. That was the time when I finished high school and moved to another city to college.

Luckly I moved in a flat with one of my cousins here. All the boys from my flat now are about 2-5 years older than me. Imagine that change. It was all about money, girls, cars and other shit like that. Getting into a new world of attitudes, priorities, way of thinking and all that was too sudden for me.

As I got to know the way things worked with girls, it was too late for me. I had too much to catch up with. It was then when I remembered all the times when girls were trying to give signs that they liked me, but I didn't knew how to interpret it.

Now I'm too much behind and it's like passing from 5th grade to 13 grade, I'm left behind, I lost on the way as the others progress and learn. This is one of my aspect that added to my SP, lack of knodlege.

I don't know what age my mind is now.

I got signs from girls in college here but SP don't let me do anything about it. I wish I had a second chance and grew up with ppl my age cause I would now be just shy and with many relashionships behind.

I don't know how where you guys got the nerves from to aproach a girl. I see other boys with half my brain and my looks getting gorgeous girlfriends and that's because they have over the edge self esteem and know how to promote them selfs and insist on a girl, even if they get rejected. And they get the girl in the end, and if they don't they look for another target and succed and so on.

I agree when they say that SP ruins your life.

 

[black_mamba]

You didn't really ask for advice, but since you put your thoughts out there here are my ideas...

Every person I know and especially every girl I know of or work with is hooked up or married. Its rediculous, even strangers Ive struggled with making conversation with all end up being in a relationship with someone. I feel like Im the only single schmuck in the world.

You feel as if this image of everyone being attached is true, but at least you realise it is just a mind trick. There are pleeeeeenty of single people out there but as you said, perhaps your small town setting makes it difficult for you to physically see this. Remember that your mind is playing tricks with you and it may help to squash those bad thoughts...

Well my entire teenage years and all of my life afterwards I "wasnt really looking" and I dont think there was any girl who wanted anything to do with me.

Fair enough, happens to a lot of people. You weren't really looking, but what were you doing with your life instead?

Everytime I meet a girl I think might like me or I might have a chance with, I get all happy and semi-confident (because Im never fully confident), then when I work up the guts to ask her out, Im blown off, told she has someone else I didnt know about, etc., etc.

So what have we learnt? Don't get your hopes up for no reason. I know its a challenge, but try and find out if these girls are attached before you ask them on a date. Something subtle like, when you're asking about them you could ask if they live alone or with a partner - indirectly ask them basically.

To make matters worse I live in a small town, theres really no "nightlife" scene I can just go mix into and I'm not a wealthy person. My car is not cool. I try to dress nice and look nice, but that dont seem to change anything... I mean yea I sometimes spot girls looking at me when Im in the store or something... but how the heck do you walk up to someone and just start a conversation?? I've tried the internet... unless your rich, have a really neat job or are a superstud/bad boy, it is like a tease.

I see what you're saying. I don't agree with your comments about the interweb though: regular people like you and me are very welcome. And nightclubs are certainly not the only place to find a partner...

but my mom seems dissappointed everytime I talk to her and she asks " So what have you been up to?" and she gets a response like "nothing much, same ol', sameol'". I know what she means "meet any girls? have any fun? Go on any dates?", but I've never really talked about my love life (or lack thereof) to anyone in my family.

I don't think your mum seems dissapointed. In any case, its not your duty to go out and date lots to please her. I've noticed that men tend to get it worse from families, as if there is something wrong with them if they don't date often, which is stupid quite frankly. Don't worry about what they think, if anything they'll be more than happy to give you advice if you talked to them, depending how understanding they are.

Maybe I could of had a normal life, had a high school sweetheart, had some crazy, party years, maybe 1 or 2 failed relationships as learning tools and now I could be well on my way into my future with a special someone.

It's not a race! Who knows perhaps the first person you start dating will be the special someone, its happened to people I know.

 

[JohnF2006]

Wow.. that's my story! Except I'm only 18 at the moment. Several people at the college I attend have tried to suggest I'm gay and it's like... it's not my choice not to have a girlfriend! Just because it's so much fucking easier for them. Sadly for me not even girls in stores look at me.

 

[albatros123]

Please check out;

www.molongerlonely.com

Its a website for people suffering from stress/ depression/ anxiety etc.

Thanks,

Nat

Hope it helps.