Sigh... My last social gathering for a while

[Solitude]

The only two people that I actually consider friends invited me over for their daughter's 1st birthday party today. There were about a dozen people there, most of which I didn't know. There was one couple there that I used to be friends with, but I have flaked out on them and blown them off so many times, we don't speak anymore. It was awkward seeing them, we didn't say much other than just a little small talk.

Almost the whole time I was there, I hung out in the kitchen by myself while everyone else was in the living room eating, playing games, and playing with the kids. I hung out and snacked on the food that was out, mostly to pretend I was doing something. I could tell I was making some people feel uncomfortable because I just kept sitting in there by myself and not talking to anyone. I was nervously sipping water the whole time I was there and went to the bathroom three times in a two hour period. Normally I would have a couple of glasses of wine or a couple beers and it will relax me. But seeing how it was for a kid's birthday party and it was noon, I didn't really think it was appropriate, lol. Luckily, the couple that invited me over knows about my SA and the wife kept checking to make sure I was ok.

I am headed back over there tomorrow to watch some football with them. I'm going to have to break it to them that I won't be coming over for any more social gatherings because I just get too weirded out. I don't mind being around just them... I feel ok in a maximum group of 3-4 people that I know, but any more than that and I just freak. Actually, I'm starting to wonder if I should even tell them that I won't be coming over for big get togethers any more... Although it may seem a little strange, I would rather be honest with them than make up excuses down the road or flake on them.

Sigh.... I hate this.

 

[PunkRotten]

I understand. I have had situations like that before too. Its getting better though. About telling your friends, I would just emphasize more on how difficult it is for you to be around crowds. And that for the future you'd like to only be around situations you can handle and hopefully grow from. If you tell them that you will no longer be involved in those situations altogether, it might make them give up on you.

I've had people not want to be around me anymore, completely shut me out of their life. Never would get invited places, because they assume I wouldn't like it. Saying "never" is a strong word. That also sends a message to yourself that your life will always be like this. I would not believe that. Rather, believe that at this time it is hard for you.

 

[Predacon]

You have to do what makes you feel comfortable, but you might want to look at these gatherings as a way to get out of your comfort zone for a little while.

 

[Feathers]

Well, I think it's great that you went!!
And that you stayed sober, for the kiddie!! Big Kudos!

Was it only couples/'happy families' - maybe it would be easier for you if there were some single people invited too? (not just one as your 'date'... some friendly ones..)

I'd only apologize to the friends for being so 'unsociable' and tell'em like you told us, you feel best with 3-4 people right now.. Maybe you could say you're still not completely over the d-word, and can they put up with you, or something like that?
Then if they invite you, ask who'd come, how many people, and decide at each time individually based on that..
You don't know what the future may bring, so it's probably better to take it one day at a time and see how it goes..

It depends on the people a lot too.. I felt very uncomfortable at some gatherings (if people seemed 'yuppy' or a bit snobbish or all married/partnered up, with fancy careers 'n' all..), and very okay at others.. (if people seemed more 'simple' and down to earth/not snobbish, and I knew at least some of them, or not everybody else knew each other etc)

So it really depends..

It's okay to take a rest from social gatherings and recuperate.. Just know that maybe someday again you can turn this around and be okay at gatherings too.. (I was quite surprised when I could have fun at bigger do's too!! The key is never to expect anything! Don't expect to have fun, just go as a way of widening the 'comfort zone'! And fun can be a pleasant side-effect! Or if not, that's okay too.. You did your bit, you made an effort, and go you!!)

 

[bsebring]

Ya, I'm not big on parties either, it just makes things awkward. But you did put yourself out there, a lot of people with SA can't say that. Also, I wouldn't give up just yet. My advice would be think of an icebreaker before you go to the next party. Plus, your nerves could be correlated to being around people you don't know. Give it time so you can warm up to people more. However, if it still doesn't work out it's not your fault, like feathers said, if there just a bunch of snobs and pity friends then thats not good either. You should be around people that will build up your confidence, not tear it down.