Shyness make you feel like an outcast?

[Pessimisten]

As bad as it may sound, smoking is quite a useful tool for socializing (and maybe one of the main causes for quitting being so hard to achieve)

I smoked cigarrettes for around 6 years, and it helped my socializing enourmously a few years ago. I met people that otherwise I wouldn't have a reason to speak to in the building I was working. It was very easy to just approach someone and ask if they have a lighter, then you can easily move to a bit of chit-chat about cigarrettes and suddenly you're sharing much more deep stuff, like why are you smoking and other personal stuff, talking about work, weather... you name it. Even if you mention that you started smoking as a way to actually socialize, people will relate to that and even understand your situation.

I felt the need to stop smoking because the last two years I started to develop an addiction, as I started to smoke quite heavily -mainly due to my then stressful combination of full time studies AND full time job.

Overall, from my own experience, the smoking habit had its advantages, socially speaking, but one has to take precautions. It's really not recommended at all for a person who has compulsive tendencies.

Even when this piece of advice might not be acceptable, sometimes extreme situations require extreme measures. Smoking IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, but being afraid to speak to other people is just as unhealthy.

 

[dolphin__o]

I have that same problem, and it is making me very unhappy in life. Everything else is going ok but just not being able to have a conversation or participate within a group of people I know is making me feel sad too.

One on one is ok, I can just about manage to hold a conversation, but it also depends on if you feel comfortable with this person. Sometimes I want to get to know someone but even one on one can be very difficult. Just don't know what to say, just want to be witty and make people laugh, but it is proving so hard.

I think it helps a bit if you have a common interest with that person, otherwise it proves more difficult.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

When I've been out with people in groups I always felt the same way...some of my old "friends" said they even felt uncomfortable around me because I was so quiet.

 

[Sue]

im a 1 on 1 person too. im much more open that way. any more than 2 people and i keep my mouth shut. its always been that way

 

[lonesomeboy]

large groups scare to death. iamalways critical of what i say and afraid i will say something stupid, so i say nothing at all...

 

[Neebo]

I can totally relate to this. I have been feeling like an outcast for most of my life I have always felt very alone and isolated from other people never being able to relate to anyone or having a proper conversation.

 

[lonesomeboy]

I like smallish groups best, about 4 or 5 people. It means there's enough ither people to keep the conversation going and you can just chip in when you feel like it.

When the group gets bigger than that, it's harder to get a word in edge-ways and so I start to feel anxious that I'm feeling left out. Or worse, when the big group starts to split into 2 smaller groups and you find yourself part of neither, just sat alone looking like a prize turkey.

But when I'm with just one other person, I get nervous as there's much more onus on me to keep the conversation going. I usually end up worrying so much about what to say next that my mind just goes blank. I hate awkward silences. To be honest, I can't really imagine ever getting over this aspect of SA. If you're no good at making conversation, then I don't see how you're ever going to form meaningful relationships with other people.

wow,we must have been seperated at birth.

I can also relate to the post about things comming into your head after the conversation,that you could have used,but in the heat of the moment forgot,I get this all the time.

ye i know. have the exact same problem. i guess thats hyw i have no friends and no gf.

 

[Syd]

Like most people on this thread I'm far more comfortable in small groups, preferably of no more than two or three others. Anymore then I always seem to find myself out on the margins, as I always find it difficult to join in with the 'group banter'.
What invariably makes things far worse however is when someone notices that you're being quiet and comments on this, and this only succeeds in making you feel even more as though you are an intruder/outsider.
This happened to me last night and as soon as it did, I just wanted dash off home and hide from the world....
Oh well, best I just stick to my smaller groups and one-to-ones in future.....at least it's nice know that others feel the same,as I have been feeling a bit low about things since yesterday.

 

[4myself]

Yeah, its always bad when people point out to you that you're bing quiet, it makes me feel much worse. I really wish that people wouldn't do it. Does anyone sometimes have a great thing to say but are too scared to say it? That happens to me a lot.

 

[Boundless]

Yeah, its always bad when people point out to you that you're bing quiet, it makes me feel much worse. I really wish that people wouldn't do it. Does anyone sometimes have a great thing to say but are too scared to say it? That happens to me a lot.

Have to agree with that,is annoying when people shift the spot light to you when you dont want the attention.

 

[4myself]

Yep, hey boundless, do you want to start a thread where we can slag off stupid, moronic family members (is that allowed here). I am curious about your stepmum, she sounds like a number one dragon lady!.

 

[Boundless]

Yea she was a real pain,a pain i no longer have to put up with i see her now and again when i goto visit my dad,just say hi thats about it.

 

[4myself]

It must have been a huge relief to move away!. Just out of curiosity did you get on with her kids or were they dorks too?. Do you ever feel like becoming such a major success so you can rub your stepmums face in it?. I sometimes use people I dont like to motivate me to work a bit harder.

 

[Confused]

I am the same way and it was not good for me because my former g/f forced me to hang out with big groups. You can only imagine what that was like.

 

[Boundless]

It must have been a huge relief to move away!. Just out of curiosity did you get on with her kids or were they dorks too?. Do you ever feel like becoming such a major success so you can rub your stepmums face in it?. I sometimes use people I dont like to motivate me to work a bit harder.

At first i hated them all,before i moved in fully i wasl iving in scottland with my mother(we moved there after the devorce) i came down to my dads for a month,was horrid.There was hardly anyfood in the house and it was a damn tip,i had to sleep on this little crappy foam bed with a thin sheet whilst my step bro had a bed and quilt.At that time they were in ovr 10,000 pounds of debt so we never went anywhere or did anything i hated it there so much.

When i moved back down from scottland i started going to my dads on week ends,things were a little better but not much,i got on with her kids a little better i guess but she still hated me and made my life there hell,then of course i moved in for just over 2 years maybe a litle longer that was a bad time,glad i dont live there now and yes i do hope to one day become success full and rub it in her and her kids faces :twisted: