Shy girl.. should I wait for her?

[House_Of_Dolls]

Hello everyone. I've tried to gather an opinion from a few different forums, and I figured this one would be a good option, considering my dilemma. Ok, here's the deal. I've had a crush on a girl at college for nearly a year. She's in the year below and has a year left at college and I've just finished education. I'm fairly quiet and introverted and she's pretty shy and spends a fair bit of time by herself but I made an initial approach and we had a few chats here and there over a period of about three months, also exchanging Facebook messages. She described herself as 'extremely shy'. Anyway I eventually asked her out for coffee one day, both in person and online, and she was very enthusiastic about it, saying it sounded like a really nice and good idea and that it would be 'awesome.'

Anyway, we went one afternoon and spent about 3 hours together. There were a number of awkward silences, as would be expected between two people who don't talk much anyway, but we managed to have a good conversation, talking about a large range of things including our interests and what we planned on doing in the future. We also confessed to each other again that we were are both quiet individuals and she said that she had social anxiety. We got on well, she laughed at my jokes, and she was all smiles as we said our polite goodbyes. I asked her if she'd like to go again and she said that it was fun and we'd have to go again sometime.

However, due to us both being quite busy at consecutive weekends, it has been about a month since we last saw each other. I would have asked for her number but I didn't see the point if we have difficulty talking sometimes so I messaged her again a few times (she doesn't spend a lot of time online and sometimes sees messages a bit late) and she was again reasonably enthusiastic about going again until she sent a message saying that she was really sorry but she didn't think we should meet up again because she doesn't feel very comfortable in social situations. She also said that she is "rubbish at things like this". She wished me all the best with work and exams results and she said "maybe in the future" with regards to a second date. The question is, do I wait for her? If so, how long should I wait or how long should it be before I contact her again?

 

[Flanscho]

I'd probably just tell her, that I think it's sad that she thinks that way, but that I wouldn't want to give her the feeling of me putting any pressure on her, so that I'd respect her decision. But that I think that we had a nice time, and that I'd be happy if she'd contact me some time, and that I'd be always up for another meeting, when she feels like it.


So... No, I wouldn't wait for her. Would she ever message me again? No idea. If she does: great. If she doesn't, it's a pity, but there is nothing I could do about it. Waiting for someone who I barely know and who might never message me again seems to be too much. I'd just try to keep an open mind.

 

[SotiCoto]

The urge to "tell" you what to do is strong... but I figure I'll disregard it as it wouldn't be good advice.


Instead... I'll just try to maybe incept a few ideas.

Have you tried communicating to her significantly in a text-based medium, rather than face-to-face?
By that I mean e-mail, text-messages... or even handing her a piece of paper with writing on it.

Just going by personal experience, it can be very difficult to communicate to a satisfactory degree vocally. Having to do it in real-time and cope with the misconceptions and miscommunications that come part-and-parcel with speech is hella awkward.


As another idea, I take it you haven't tried pushing the issue.
To be honest I'm not sure it would work out well that way... but I'm not entirely sure it wouldn't either.
Just to set the stage a little, I've got a small few friends... but they never contact me first. They'd probably forget I ever existed if I didn't rather forcefully get back in touch with them sooner or later... and to be quite honest I hate doing it.... but sometimes it is the only way to avoid losing contact entirely (and while my friends are also introverted, apparently I'm the only pragmatist in play).
As for someone you want to know in a dating sense... it might be a bit more sensitive...

... BUT I'd put it this way : If you don't push, you'll probably fall out of contact. And if you do... either she'll be fine with it and you'll make a little progress... OR she'll withdraw and it was a hopeless cause anyway.

From what you say she doesn't seem like the sort of person who ... goes out anywhere.... so the old wait-and-watch routine probably wouldn't work.