Shy College Student

[sicklystudent]

So...I've just started college and chose one that would be far from home so I could get a fresh new start and reinvent myself. The first few weeks were alright but as it got later I reverted to my old habits of avoiding eyecontact and new people, I couldn't keep hiding my shyness...sometimes I wonder if people just think I am pretentious. When I am attracted to a guy, I can't help wondering if it is so painfully obvious that I am...I'm truly at a loss for words and never say more than "hi"...it's gotten to the point where I just wait for someone who I think is attracted to me to lose interest in me because I'm so closed up. Is it easy for people to tell when someone is shy rather than unfriendly? By the way, i am female, I don't know if this is important or not in my situation...

I hope I don't seem too desperate...this is an ongoing problem in my life and lately it has becoming overwhelming so I thought I should finally do something about it...

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Unfortunately it is impossibale to tell the difference until you get to know that person.

Most of us on this site and other sites like this one have a repretation of being stuck up/snoty/antisocial/ and other lables I perfer not to write.

I wouldnt worry what other people think about you because no matter what you do it will never be good enough for those so called mainstreamers anyway.

Just keep doing what you are doing. It looks to me like you are aware of your problem.

Plus the very fact that you have came to a site like this tells us that you arent going to give up. Keep looking for a way.
If you want to chat give me a private message and we can trade emails.

 

[principe]

@ Sicklyestudent,

I’m going through the same thing, but I’m a male. Whenever I see a girl who is attracted to me, I don’t know what to say or how to say it! I’m a little shy and the fact that English is my second language makes it even worse hehehe

Through my high school, years some classmates labeled me as “pretentious” or “cocky,” because I would never say “hi” or even look them in the eyes.

 

[sicklystudent]

I'm sorry to hear that principe. I guess we should remember that at least we have some sense of shame in today's world. Thankfully, I know I'm a pretty decent and kind person compared to some other people I know. It is unfortunate that our society is a very pessimistic one which makes shallow judgements of people that always seem to gravitate towards the worst case scenario.
Society always seems to like the boisterous and obnoxious people because they never hide anything. But honestly, where is the truth in that? Loud doesn't mean honest, it just means they are an attention hog. In reality, loud people proabably have the most to hide if they need that much attention to redeem themselves. But really, why are they so threaten by a little mystery?
Maybe,people like us seem to make others nervous because it takes too much work to get to know us. Or maybe others just take our spotlight because they think we are too lazy to fight for attention. But they shouldn't be worried, because I'm not looking for fleeting, small minded attention. So in any case, I think that's why it's so hard to start a relationship with someone, it takes too much effort. This world needs to slow down, if not for the shy person, then for themselves.

 

[recluse]

I tend to seek out shy people like myself, and I avoid loud highly extroverted people because they remind me of school bullies.

 

[abcyesn]

I know how to feel............. sigh.

 

[eR1k]

@ Sicklyestudent,

I’m going through the same thing, but I’m a male. Whenever I see a girl who is attracted to me, I don’t know what to say or how to say it! I’m a little shy and the fact that English is my second language makes it even worse hehehe

Through my high school, years some classmates labeled me as “pretentious” or “cocky,” because I would never say “hi” or even look them in the eyes.

"Hi" is the absolute best thing you can say to start a conversation about pretty much anything that comes to mind. You can talk about something interesting happening around you, talk about the weather it doesn't matter really. Don't reject anything you come up with in your mind as stupid. If you talk to her she will feel the romantic tension. It doesn't matter what you say, because it's the fact you are talking to her that speaks louder than words. It non-verbally communicates you are interested in her and that's flattering.

 

[theman]

Shyness IS obvious, but it might not be what you think

Shyness IS obvious, but it might not be what you think. Although it was originally directed at a man, you might find this posting helpful:

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postp126275.html&highlight=#126275

From your description it sounds like you have a bad case of toxic shame, that is to say, you believe that there is something wrong with being openly sexual or expressive of your interests in men. There is nothing wrong with being interested/sexual/whatever. These are natural needs every human has - but somewhere along the line you or society convinced you otherwise.

You might be what I would call a "closet" heterosexual.

Its completely cureable.

 

[eR1k]

Re: Shyness IS obvious, but it might not be what you think

Shyness IS obvious, but it might not be what you think. Although it was originally directed at a man, you might find this posting helpful:

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postp126275.html&highlight=#126275

From your description it sounds like you have a bad case of toxic shame, that is to say, you believe that there is something wrong with being openly sexual or expressive of your interests in men. There is nothing wrong with being interested/sexual/whatever. These are natural needs every human has - but somewhere along the line you or society convinced you otherwise.

You might be what I would call a "closet" heterosexual.

Its completely cureable.

There is one book that inspired me to fight my own toxic shame 2 years ago. It's from John Bradshaw, I absolutely recommend it; Healing the shame that binds you. It will give you a swift kick in the ass, it has improved my life beyond my imagination. It really does make such a difference.