EscapeArtist
Well-known member
I didn't want to post this because I am paranoid that I'll come off as a SPWorld nuisance, or that I won't improve as much as expected as me. But these are lousy irrational thoughts of perfectionism so now I have to.
Last time I posted about some important things to consider in order to overcome SP/perfectionism/AvPD. I went over how important it is to value your own happiness above all else, to realize everybody has major flaws like you, lowering expectations and ways to go about it, letting go of guilt, and the illusion of bad and good.
I believe I've stepped over another hurdle somewhere this week, this one is either 2/3, 2/4 or 2/unlimited that i'll probably experience before I can go outside comfortably. I feel pretty confident lately which is a first in my life and good enough for me so far.
1.SHARE your thoughts and feelings with anybody and everybody: I'm not kidding.
This is huge. We at the moment are hiders. We hide because we're usually ashamed of ourselves, and that shame comes from thoughts, feelings, opinions, and attitudes that we must feel ashamed of. Start by speaking your thoughts outloud when there are people around you, kind of like I'm doing by posting this thread when really I feel uncomfortable sharing all this information (I used to love to be secretive so people would think of me more as a 'quiet and wise mystery'). You may be rejected for your thoughts feelings or emotions, yes. I cried in front of my mom, and both of my sisters this month. Just told myself I would cry whenever I have the urge (in the house), and that I would not wipe away my tears or hide why i'm crying. My mom saw me cry 3 times. Once, she watched me cry and insulted me about it, then walked away. Second time, she watched me cry, got flustered/anxious about it and left without a word. 3rd time, I told her I was crying BECAUSE she wouldn't accept it in the first place, and she actually overcame her fear of confronting emotion and hugged me. My older and younger sisters both saw me cry (I cried a lot this month, k? ha), my older sister stood there insulting me for 10 minutes and really didn't help, but behind my back she was telling people to go comfort me. My younger sister, who also has a fear of emotions, hugged me and told me to go snuggle with her in her bed. (tehe)
This has helped me see how important it is to realize that when you are rejected, it is NOT your issue, a lot of the time when you express an innocent emotion, if rejected, the other person Is struggling with issues of their own. If something you say or feel permanently clashes with the other person, it is NOT your mistake, merely you two do not get along, but it was a nice attempt! I'm sure you'll grow from it. Lastly, expressing your feelings and emotions can break barriers between people you feel uncomfortable around.
2. Feel Strong (Doing things that make you uncomfortable)
I think a lot of us have seen the movie Into The Wild. "...how important it is not to BE strong, but to FEEL strong". Do something every day that makes you feel strong, whether mentally powerful or physically. This can be going for a jog, bikeride, exercise in anyway, or exposing yourself to your fears. One thing I do is pick something very minor that I can achieve even when I'm feeling my worst, this right now for me is running and taking cold shower (they are very uncomfortable). The reason it is so important to feel strong is because you will begin to TRUST yourself and your body. Trust is one of the most important things here in my opinion... which leads me to
3. Trusting that you will achieve your desires, (Realizing that things work if you truly want them to).
You can call this positive thinking, whatever you like, I prefer not to call it 'positive thinking', but rather acknowledging and assessing how badly you want something, how badly it feels not to have it, and then trusting that your desire for this thing will make you unable to stand for anything short of what you want. I'm not saying to not stand for anything short of what you want, but to TRUST that, even if only eventually, you won't stand for it anymore. It is important to trust your body, and to trust that things will work out for you because you have the power to make them happen if truly you do want it.
4. Find something larger than yourself.
I don't care what it is, god, nature, satan. We put way too much pressure on ourselves because we put way too much importance on ourselves. For me the answer is nature, especially with the natural turmoil clashing with the beauty in contrast to industrialization, it makes me realize that I can displace the importance I put on myself in front of others, and put it into nature, I am important because I can stand up for something bigger than myself, something more important than what other people think of me. (Of course, it is more important to value your own happiness rather than something larger than yourself, that is a factor to keep in mind).
5 Accept that most of the people you hate you are jealous of.
I used to hate seeing people laughing together, I used to hate people who constantly talked and people who generally were happy in a way I believed I couldn't be... but after sharing my thoughts and emotions as mentioned above, I have become a lot more like the people I used to hate. It's important to accept that you hate these people because you wish to be like them. (I understand not all hatred spurs from this motive)
6. Health = happiness.
Health = happiness. This is internal and everlasting happiness, unlike external possessions and such. Mental health, social health and physical health. It's easier to begin with physical health, because you can atleast go through the actions without activating your mind if you're in a very bad state. Run. Eat well. And cmon, I stress this so often, cut out gluten and lactose from your diet. This, in my opinion, is actually one of the most important things... I don't care if you think i'm crazy lol, these two foods kill off the 90% of serontonin in your body, which lies in your DIGESTIVE system. Also, there are gut receptors on your brain which actually control the way you feel, perceive, and cognitive behavior. I'm not making this up, read the book 'dangerous grains'. Gluten and lactose are both very acidic and worst of all, contain morphine-like substances that mess with practically everything in our bodies, including our brains. Proper sleep and sunlight is also important, as well as eating enough raw fruit and vegetables for digestive enzymes that won't clog up your system and make you feel stuffy, lazy and gross.
7. Have a levelheaded person to speak to,
Somebody who understands, too, that there is no normal and abnormal, bad or good, somebody who understands your actions and can help you figure them out... I suggest a therapist who is actually a PERSON not a robot. I have a magnificent therapist who also believes in similar concepts as me, like Daoism, and who speaks from her own experiences.. Don't get a robot. Find somebody very stable, calm, levelheaded and who doesn't believe in judgment.
Hope it helps somebody!
Last time I posted about some important things to consider in order to overcome SP/perfectionism/AvPD. I went over how important it is to value your own happiness above all else, to realize everybody has major flaws like you, lowering expectations and ways to go about it, letting go of guilt, and the illusion of bad and good.
I believe I've stepped over another hurdle somewhere this week, this one is either 2/3, 2/4 or 2/unlimited that i'll probably experience before I can go outside comfortably. I feel pretty confident lately which is a first in my life and good enough for me so far.
1.SHARE your thoughts and feelings with anybody and everybody: I'm not kidding.
This is huge. We at the moment are hiders. We hide because we're usually ashamed of ourselves, and that shame comes from thoughts, feelings, opinions, and attitudes that we must feel ashamed of. Start by speaking your thoughts outloud when there are people around you, kind of like I'm doing by posting this thread when really I feel uncomfortable sharing all this information (I used to love to be secretive so people would think of me more as a 'quiet and wise mystery'). You may be rejected for your thoughts feelings or emotions, yes. I cried in front of my mom, and both of my sisters this month. Just told myself I would cry whenever I have the urge (in the house), and that I would not wipe away my tears or hide why i'm crying. My mom saw me cry 3 times. Once, she watched me cry and insulted me about it, then walked away. Second time, she watched me cry, got flustered/anxious about it and left without a word. 3rd time, I told her I was crying BECAUSE she wouldn't accept it in the first place, and she actually overcame her fear of confronting emotion and hugged me. My older and younger sisters both saw me cry (I cried a lot this month, k? ha), my older sister stood there insulting me for 10 minutes and really didn't help, but behind my back she was telling people to go comfort me. My younger sister, who also has a fear of emotions, hugged me and told me to go snuggle with her in her bed. (tehe)
This has helped me see how important it is to realize that when you are rejected, it is NOT your issue, a lot of the time when you express an innocent emotion, if rejected, the other person Is struggling with issues of their own. If something you say or feel permanently clashes with the other person, it is NOT your mistake, merely you two do not get along, but it was a nice attempt! I'm sure you'll grow from it. Lastly, expressing your feelings and emotions can break barriers between people you feel uncomfortable around.
2. Feel Strong (Doing things that make you uncomfortable)
I think a lot of us have seen the movie Into The Wild. "...how important it is not to BE strong, but to FEEL strong". Do something every day that makes you feel strong, whether mentally powerful or physically. This can be going for a jog, bikeride, exercise in anyway, or exposing yourself to your fears. One thing I do is pick something very minor that I can achieve even when I'm feeling my worst, this right now for me is running and taking cold shower (they are very uncomfortable). The reason it is so important to feel strong is because you will begin to TRUST yourself and your body. Trust is one of the most important things here in my opinion... which leads me to
3. Trusting that you will achieve your desires, (Realizing that things work if you truly want them to).
You can call this positive thinking, whatever you like, I prefer not to call it 'positive thinking', but rather acknowledging and assessing how badly you want something, how badly it feels not to have it, and then trusting that your desire for this thing will make you unable to stand for anything short of what you want. I'm not saying to not stand for anything short of what you want, but to TRUST that, even if only eventually, you won't stand for it anymore. It is important to trust your body, and to trust that things will work out for you because you have the power to make them happen if truly you do want it.
4. Find something larger than yourself.
I don't care what it is, god, nature, satan. We put way too much pressure on ourselves because we put way too much importance on ourselves. For me the answer is nature, especially with the natural turmoil clashing with the beauty in contrast to industrialization, it makes me realize that I can displace the importance I put on myself in front of others, and put it into nature, I am important because I can stand up for something bigger than myself, something more important than what other people think of me. (Of course, it is more important to value your own happiness rather than something larger than yourself, that is a factor to keep in mind).
5 Accept that most of the people you hate you are jealous of.
I used to hate seeing people laughing together, I used to hate people who constantly talked and people who generally were happy in a way I believed I couldn't be... but after sharing my thoughts and emotions as mentioned above, I have become a lot more like the people I used to hate. It's important to accept that you hate these people because you wish to be like them. (I understand not all hatred spurs from this motive)
6. Health = happiness.
Health = happiness. This is internal and everlasting happiness, unlike external possessions and such. Mental health, social health and physical health. It's easier to begin with physical health, because you can atleast go through the actions without activating your mind if you're in a very bad state. Run. Eat well. And cmon, I stress this so often, cut out gluten and lactose from your diet. This, in my opinion, is actually one of the most important things... I don't care if you think i'm crazy lol, these two foods kill off the 90% of serontonin in your body, which lies in your DIGESTIVE system. Also, there are gut receptors on your brain which actually control the way you feel, perceive, and cognitive behavior. I'm not making this up, read the book 'dangerous grains'. Gluten and lactose are both very acidic and worst of all, contain morphine-like substances that mess with practically everything in our bodies, including our brains. Proper sleep and sunlight is also important, as well as eating enough raw fruit and vegetables for digestive enzymes that won't clog up your system and make you feel stuffy, lazy and gross.
7. Have a levelheaded person to speak to,
Somebody who understands, too, that there is no normal and abnormal, bad or good, somebody who understands your actions and can help you figure them out... I suggest a therapist who is actually a PERSON not a robot. I have a magnificent therapist who also believes in similar concepts as me, like Daoism, and who speaks from her own experiences.. Don't get a robot. Find somebody very stable, calm, levelheaded and who doesn't believe in judgment.
Hope it helps somebody!
