Sharing emotions

[EscapeArtist]

Sigh.
My mom just came into my room to share a story with me. She volunteers, talking to lonely seniors over the phone. She came in talking about how one of her seniors is going to the hospital and not coming out.. and she brought up a previous moment she had shared with her 2 months ago when a butterfly had landed on the lady's hand. Apparently my mom thinks the butterfly was a sign that she would go to the hospital and die there. Anyways, she was crying as she said all of this to me, but I had my back turned towards the computer, purposely to avoid her sobbing face. I do not know how to confront other people's emotions, especially when they are relying on me for comfort.. I just sat there with my back to her nodding my head. My mom said how she was shocked by my cold behavior.... And I feel HEARTLESS at the moment. Don't get me wrong, It's hard for me to hear people I love cry, maybe too hard so that I don't want to acknowledge it, but I do not know how to provide any type of physical comforting contact, I am way afraid of showing or seeing intense emotions. Of course, I was never comforted as a child, so I don't understand what was expected of me and I'm afraid of what was expected of me, because it's what I still want from somebody else, maybe inside I'm angry that I still have not received it and now it is expected of me, and it turns to fear, just like when i'm exposed to attention. This happens to when I see others angry and they expect me to calm them down, too

Does this have to do with social anxiety? Can people here relate?

 

[ilmatross]

i dont look anyone in the eye, i always have my back to them or staring off in the distance when conversing even with my closest family members.

i come off as cold or uninterested, but i care for other people far more then they think. I don't like how I am and I wasn't like this as a kid so I think I can say SA has a significant effect on it.

does your mom not understand your SA? my familys grown accustomed to it and know that i cant necessarily control it (I can force myself to look at them sometimes) but they don't get offended by it anymore.

 

[vj288]

Yeah I can relate. In high school my closest friend got dumped by his girlfriend (four-year relationship) and he started sobbing and I just went to defense mode. I barely choked out anything other than a couple of "yups" and a lot of head nodding.

I'm like that around anything resembling a serious emotion. I seem heartless but really I'm so uncomfortable I can't think of anything, I'm just stunned. Anger, sadness, love, all of them I can't do.

 

[Obstacle 1]

I generally find it difficult to deal with anyone who is in any extremes of emotion. I guess partly it is because I don't share my own emotions with others and I prefer people to show the same restraint, which isnt really the healthiest way to look at it.

There is this very nice lady at work that had helped me out since I started that basically broke down one time after I asked if she was ok. She had a lot going on in her life so it was understandable. But all I could do was freeze, I felt really bad about it after.. I wanted to run off rather than help comfort her even though I think that would have been the right thing to do..

I think this emotional immaturity stops me ever fully connecting with others.