Share your short term goals and challenges

[alicia_]

Hi everyone,

I've has SA for as long as i can remember, have been through group therapy and been on medication. For the past say year ive just been managing on my own leading a pretty dull and simple yet very anxious life.

So i though with the help of others i could set small goals for myself. One was to phone a friend and arrange to meet her for lunch... the next is to go to the lunch and try to enjoy it.

I am really struggling at the moment that i am in my early 20's and have no social or intimate relationships. THis is meant to be a time full of carefree moments and partys. Hopefully these steps will help?? Ahhh putting this in writing is making me cry

hope to hear what your goals are and how you are staying motivated to not just give up and live in isolation (which is very easy to get used to)

Cheers Alicia

 

[dzerklis]

setting goals is a good method but only if you achieve them, thats why i almost never set them, just try to not avoid social situations that i have to or must face.

 

[Septor]

My own short term goal is to talk to more people when I go outside of my house and go back to school.

hope to hear what your goals are and how you are staying motivated to not just give up and live in isolation (which is very easy to get used to)

That's my problem and it happen to my several times.It's so easy to give up when your all alone.I try not to think about that.

 

[longlivesolitude]

I'm also living the simple life.

I think it's kind of hard to set goals with SA since I don't really avoid that many things - I don't think I my SA is so severe. Anyway.. I don't feel very good in social situations. Maybe I should try to see if I can contact other people more. Most of the SA is just going on inside my head.. negative thinking. So that's what I want to change.
I think it's easier to set goals in other parts of my life. I want to get in good physical shape so I go to the gym a couple of times a week (that's one of the places the SA kicks in.. feel like a freak)
), run 2-3 times a week and try to eat as healthy as possible. I've become quite entusiastic about my health

I just think it's important not just going stand-by, but trying to acheive something - really boosts my life-enthusiasm.

 

[alicia_]

Hey, thanks for all your posts

worrydoll - you have two great goals, for the first one i would start off at a quiet cafe or early in the morning (or you could jump in the deep end) and think how much the second one could boost your chances at a job and give you more confidence when going for interviews!

longlivesolitude - your soooo lucky that you dont seem to avoid doing many things!!! ive spent the last few years focusing on my fitness too and i think it really helps and it also gets me out of the house a few days a week. It is really great achieving those goals.

Septor - good luck for when you go back to school, are you on holidays or something??

Mondays goal - speek up at least 3 times in my tutorital, actually go to my lecture and try to find this girl i know from work and say hi, stay the whole day and not freak out and go home. This will be a pretty big day for me

Tuesday - sit at the bar and listen to music for half an hour (this one will be hard)

 

[the_secret_me]

i think i need to stsrt being more confident around guys. maybe try to start a convo with a guy from school or some random i see. its really hard for me to get the confidence, but ill try.

 

[alicia_]

Good for you worrydoll

I on the other hand didnt make through my uni day on monday, although i did speak up in my tutorial many times as i like the subjetc and today i approached a girl i did group work with previoulsy (i did sweat a bit but got through it okay without quickly leaving)

Im very stressed out with uni atm coz we have mid term exams coming up. i have this problem of justifing my avoidant behaviour coz i figure i should be studying anyway. Does any one else do this?

And how do you differentiate laziness from avoidance behaviour. Like going to the gym for example sometimes i blame my anxiety but maybe its just laziness that 'normal' people feel?

For those of you who have had anxiety all your life, do you just feel that it could be apart of your personality/characterstics?? sometimes i question why i am trying to change this, maybe this is just who i am... which leads to the question of can you really change your innate traits?? :?

Sorry for the mismatch of thoughts - just a few things on my mind and dealing with an anxiety disorder is getting very tiring

Hope my next post will be more uplifting

 

[alicia_]

Hey thanks worrydoll i have to say even though im not religious that quotes always inspires me. Thanks for making me think about it again

 

[Diluted_Acid]

These are stupidly big goals, but i'm still happy to have them.

- Break out of my habit of hiding in the school library during recess and lunch.
- See my ex
- Ask my ex back out
- And this time kiss her lmao . . . .( *sigh* i think thats why i got dumped)
- Study an hour a night for school
- Edit a bmxing movie of myself

 

[jamez]

- Find a proper job close to home. (start job-seeking from tomorrow)
- Start working out, jogging and weights (each day)
- Make conversation with more people
- Improve my concentration through reading, meditation
- Stay disciplined

 

[jamez]

I get sidetracked and then start feeling down usually, so I definitely need to re-motivate myself each and everyday. Maybe spend 30 minutes each day on focusing on why it is important that I achieve what I set to achieve. And maybe read a book, or watch a video of people who can inspire me.

 

[thirtysomethin]

Id like to start earning some decent money again, so I can save up and move out on my own....I really want to live on my own again (or with a girlfriend should one come along lol, pfft chances)

Other than that id like to develop some more discipline and increase my motivation so I can do some more things to get myself gradually out of the situation im in.

 

[Waybuloo]

My goal right now is to be able to have an end of year holiday all the way across the world, to mark my finishing uni, for a change of scene, and for something else as well.

To achieve that i made myself get two jobs (although the first one ended shortly) - all in customer service which i have found so daunting when i had them before. . And now i am going to interviews and applying for more jobs even when i should be studying for my final exams! The thing is when money is on my mind it lessens the anxiety, and when i have doubts, which is often, it pushes me forward. Without the holiday goal, i would just think i can live or live without a job and anxiety would take over, pushing me back to comfort mode. I've never had such determination before and it's definitely a positive thing ! Hope all goes well with my trip.

 

[Waybuloo]

I think having short term goals and challenges is important in challenging ur anxiety. It shows you that you have things to focus on and encourages you not to lose sight of things important to you even though they are difficult ot do.

My therapist, with the new 'Acceptance' therapy that she is trying with me, makes me focus on things that i value. She made a good analogy of what people would say at a social phobics' funeral: would you want them to remember you as a person who successfully avoided anxiety inducing situations and never lost their cool, or someone who despite their fears achieved things that they wanted to do, lived a life and did not let their demons overtake them?

When i told her of my intense fear at small talk with people at work, she said something that is very true: people would find you boring if you dont' say anythign at all, rather than saying things that you think is 'boring'. You never know when they would latch onto your words and relate to you from there if you never try!

When i blush i think the whole world watches me burn but the truth is i would not have such a strong reaction if i saw someone else blush. It would be over and peopel would get on with their goals and what ever they were doing. And i see so many people blush and shake it's not jsut the domain of the social phobics. THis is getting a bit side tracked but what i am getting at is that, for me at least and i hope it is true for some of us, we should not let anxiety stop us living our life, and the things that make us uncomfortable need not dictate the actions we take.

 

[blackcap]

When i told her of my intense fear at small talk with people at work, she said something that is very true: people would find you boring if you dont' say anythign at all, rather than saying things that you think is 'boring'. You never know when they would latch onto your words and relate to you from there if you never try!

That's fine if you have something to say, but my problem is that often I don't have anything to say, boring or otherwise! Even with people I am totally comfortable with (e.g. immediate family), I hardly say anything. The difference is, I'm comfortable not saying anything with family, but feel extremely uncomfortable not saying anything when in a social situation with others.

I think if you can think of things to say then your therapist is right, just say them even if you think they are boring. Obviously if people don't respond or consistently change the subject then you might want to review things, but give it a go.

 

[Lyricaljust]

I'm 21 I just turned 21 alittle bit over a month ago.. and I finally accomplished my BIG goal that I set for myself for awhile which was to get my driver's licence.. I finally got my driver's licence.. and it feels so good to finally have it not hanging over my head no more.. my goals for myself.. well really.. I really would like to have a girlfriend.. a pretty and nice girl that I can talk to and just connect with.. I think that's the main thing that I want for myself is to have a girlfriend.. I also feel like I probably should get out more since I spend most of my time alone.. I think I should spend more time.. hanging out with people and going out.. but that's hard.. when you don't really have anyone at all? Another thing I want to set for a goal for myself to stop procrastinating so much.. I procrastinate so much and it just bothers me alittle bit.. there are things that I want to study, read.. etc. and I just don't do it out of plain laziness.. I also would like to start writing poetry again I haven't written a poem that I've liked for over a year now which sort of sucks.. so that's another thing.. I guess that's all of my goals at the moment.. that and maybe be more active..

 

[Thelema]

I want to call my friend on the phone. Last night she told me how much she cared about me and I cried my eyes out. I'm an 18 year old guy and I haven't cried in years. I had to type out that I was crying! She told me that she was losing her house. She said she was crying. She had to type out that she was crying! I told her that I loved her and that I would always be there for her but I can't call her! She begged me to call her and I couldn't! I love this woman but I can't call her.I haven't even heard her voice. I feel like crap because of it I just promised her that when I had the house to myself that I would call her.