sexuality

[poppy]

I've recently found out that I have SP. Now i understand my problem with sex. due to intense fear of rejection, looking studpid, i canT' initiate sex and i can't relax and enjoy it. and i certainly cant' discuss (or wont discuss) this problem wiht anyone face to face due to the overwhelming shame. any suggestions?

 

[crazyfairyx]

Do you have a partner? If you're so stressed over sex I would definately suggest that you don't attempt to sleep with anyone just yet, especially if you don't have strong feelings for them. If you're with someone you love and who makes you feel safe, things will happen easier because you can ease yourself into sex, start with just doing more tame sexual things before thinking about having sex. How old are you? You shouldn't feel pressured into having sex, because if you don't enjoy it or don't think you 'performed well' even if it's successful you'll feel bad afterwards. If you're with someone you love they will be able to reassure you, whereas if it's a casual relationship you probably won't be offered that support.

 

[poppy]

thanks so much for responding. i do have a boyfriend, we've been together a long time. he knows i have a mental block but i've never been able to express what i feel. i've never mentioned the wave of fear which comes over me beforehand. i never made the connection with socail phobia, i just knew i was stressed. unfortunately, and naturally, my state has become a turn off.
thanks for your advice. i will try to try. all of it comes down to exposures as per cognitive behavioural therapy. terrifying.

 

[crazyfairyx]

Do you think you could write a letter to your boyfriend telling him exactly how you feel if you can't tell him to his face? I know it would be scary, but he could probably help you overcome your fears far better if he understood them. I do think you should slowly expose yourself to the things that scare you, but just push your boundaries of comfort, don't jump into anything that you find terrifying because it will just reinforce the fear.