Sexism/gender roles negatively affect your SA?

[paul]

I don't know about anyone else, but I find that sexism and gender roles contributes a lot to my SA.

At least where I am, guys & girls are "supposed" to do different things. The guys are supposed to be sex-obsessed, and the girls are supposed to be emotional. Also, talents - while girls can be good at really anything (besides stuff like football that would make them "manly") guys are supposed to be good at sports and stuff like that. That's especially hard for me as I have very very few talents.
If a guy feels sad about something, they are "girly" or "gay." And if a girl decides she doesn't like shopping and manicures and sleepovers, she's considered "manly." It just seems like there is a whole different idea of life that only depends on your gender.
I cannot understand this - since gender's something you can't control, shouldn't everybody just be able to act how they want? It's not like you'd treat somebody 4'11 differently than somebody 6'3.
With ridiculous things (at least in my opinion) like "never hit a girl no matter what she does to you" or "the man should be dominant in the relationship/make more money" or crap like that, I always feel really nervous about coming off as "girly." Which is another reason why I really just try not to talk unless I have to.

Is this just me, or does this affect anyone else either? Feel free to introduce your point of view.

 

[Boundless]

People who live by thos rules are foolish.i couldnt care less if people think im girly because i care or show emotion,i know im not gay so what they think means nothing to me,but its still common amoung people who refuse to look out side and see that the world has changed and people are free to do as they please.

 

[paul]

I agree with you! Except I can't help but to care, because I feel so nervous about being judged.

 

[wutnow]

Not me.

I get alot of comments like: "I can say anything to you." "I tell you things I never say to anyone else." Etc.

I've never gotten comments like: "Because I believe you to be a homosexual, I'm going to tell you alot of stuff that I wouldn't tell some heterosexuals."

Man, there's just so much other stuff to focus on than that. It's just a non-issue to me, but for some people it will define everything.

 

[redlady]

I worried about this stuff when i was at school but it is not something that bothers me now - I'm an habitual men's sneaker wearer who will never wear a pair of high heels in her lifetime or a dress for that matter - and i also have a penchant for wearing mens shirts and if anybody has something to say about that i really don't give a shit.
Peer pressure is always harder to deal with when you are at school and the need to fit in is greater - well for me it was. It is also near impossible to be confident and stand out in a 'negative' way at the same time. My younger brother who is still in school says that "gay" thing to anything that a man does that is slightly effeminate - i always say something to him whenever he does it - i don't like the thought of him growing into some intolerant macho shit.
I agree with you about gender stereotypes being ridiculous. I find whenever i encounter someone who thinks that way - i always say in my head ' *sighs* good grief do people like you still exist".
My own anger that i feel towards any kind of prejudice allows me the self confidence not to subscribe to it - meaning that if i have someone in my face telling me that i am too boyish i am most likely to wear a tie and fake moustach the next time i see them. You know if i could only be filled with that righteous anger 24/7 then i would be cured.

 

[FaymeLevy]

for me, its kinda reversed..you see, I live am pretty old fashioned, and am very into the whole "woman takes care of the house and has kids" and the "man goes to work and brings home the bacon" way. But nowadays it's just not very common and it seems I will never met a guy who still agrees with this way of thinking. And especially in my family, where the women all worked very hard. I am proud of them, cuz that's what they like, but its just not who I am. I am babbling..sorry.

 

[black_mamba]

With ridiculous things (at least in my opinion) like "never hit a girl no matter what she does to you" or "the man should be dominant in the relationship/make more money" or crap like that, I always feel really nervous about coming off as "girly." Which is another reason why I really just try not to talk unless I have to.

Is this just me, or does this affect anyone else either? Feel free to introduce your point of view.

So are you worried about gender roles in general? Or the idea of tomboys being acceptable as opposed to effeminate men being labelled as homosexual? Both I'm guessing. (Elaborate if you want to).

Gender roles have never affected me. I used to feel a little sad about being born female because I've always preferred the more male dominated pursuits, plus I feel more relaxed around men. I don't really give it a second thought: although its slightly unsual for a woman to do some of the things I do, dress the way I do at times or be interested in the stuff I'm passionate about, I'm 100% comfy with my lifestyle.

Now no one really has expressed an negativity towards it. And why should they? But maybe they haven't because I have never expressed any embarrassment because of it, or maybe its just the area where I live (very cosmopolitan and mixed up)...

However! I've definitely noticed that women taking on traditionally male dominated traits are more favoured than men taking on stereotypical female characteristics. So, maybe this is another example of men>women.

Worried about being perceived as girly? If people are misunderstanding you then it is their mistake. Ideas like men being dominant in relationships are ancient. There is nothing wrong with either a man or woman being the more dominant partner in a relationship, its just when you feel that everyone has to act according to a set rule then it becomes ridiculous. People who subscribe to the idea that everyone has to live by their rules are ignorant selfish plankton that need their mouth's duct taped shut.

:twisted:

 

[paul]

too boyish i am most likely to wear a tie and fake moustach the next time i see them

Haha :lol: good idea! And good luck with your brother. My older brother (15) seems to be like that too.

Based on other people's replies, maybe this seems to be less of an issue when you get older/out of school?

black_mamba -

Both I'm guessing.

Yeah. In fact I just wish the word "tomboy" didn't exist, or wasn't really considered a 'negative' thing.

maybe its just the area where I live

I live in Saratoga, New York, and it's not a tiny town so I'd think people would be a little more open-minded. No such luck. Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking? I've always wanted to move to a city, just without the people :roll: okay I'm getting off topic

I've definitely noticed that women taking on traditionally male dominated traits are more favoured than men taking on stereotypical female characteristics.

Yes, I've noticed that too. Like, a female police officer is like "hooray!" and a male, say, maid is like "... uhh" However there are still restrictions in the army (and other things like that, I assume) for women that don't apply to men. I don't understand why.

its just when you feel that everyone has to act according to a set rule then it becomes ridiculous.

Maybe I'm just noticing it more than the average person would because it makes me nervous. I tend to do that - if something causes me anxiety, I manipulate it and think about it so much, it seems like everyone is doing that thing that makes me nervous.

People who subscribe to the idea that everyone has to live by their rules are ignorant selfish plankton that need their mouth's duct taped shut.

I agree!

(heh, sorry for all the quotes)

 

[black_mamba]

maybe its just the area where I live

I live in Saratoga, New York, and it's not a tiny town so I'd think people would be a little more open-minded. No such luck. Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking? I've always wanted to move to a city, just without the people :roll: okay I'm getting off topic

I've definitely noticed that women taking on traditionally male dominated traits are more favoured than men taking on stereotypical female characteristics.

Yes, I've noticed that too. Like, a female police officer is like "hooray!" and a male, say, maid is like "... uhh" However there are still restrictions in the army (and other things like that, I assume) for women that don't apply to men. I don't understand why.

I live in another big city too: London. Yeah I'd expect people from the city to a be a little more open-minded having (hopefully) experienced and spoken to people whose lives are so very different from their own. Guess not - maybe the cosmopolitan nature of where we live just means that they are more idiots in the mix. Some people never change and are permanently stuck in their ignorant ways.

Always nice to see people breaking out of stereotypes so dramatically as becoming female soldiers or male nurses. This is where it gets heated, where some people find it absolutely disgusting that a woman has been allowed to fight on the battle field and risk her life and some people will applaud her, whilst others couldn't give a crap. Same could be said for the male nurse - positive for breaking gender roles, negative for doing a woman's job ...or why isn't he a doctor? but really...who cares? His life, his choices, his responsibility.

These ideas are so debatable, but what it comes down to is do you really want to stop being yourself (clichéd as it sounds) just so a few idiots won't insult you/ think badly of you.

It's your choice.