Setting myself up for disaster... :(

[Mr. S]

Hello, I'm Mr.S and I'm new here. I have a bad shyness problem, while it's not horrible now it could really bite me back later in life.

I'm 14, finishing grade 9. I've been 'the shy kid' as long as I can remember. I got by okay in grade school, and pretty much accepted myself as a shy person back then.
Middle school, however, was total hell. It had bad teachers and stupid rules. I was bullied in grade 8 and somehow didn't have the guts to tell anyone until I lost it in front of my parents. During that time I started becoming very hostile - people would try to be friendly and I'd chase them away, or I'd get mad at someone for a simple mistake on their part. I learned the hard way that shy and hostile is about as horrible a combination as they get.

High school has been relatively good to me though. I try to be nice and helpful like I was before grade 8. However I'm still very shy... I don't have any real friends. There are so few people I'd even want to be friends with, partly because I can't stand the immaturity of people my age. (penis shouting contests are NOT cool. )

Now - I'm shy but I'm not THAT shy. I can handle well prepared presentations as much as I hate them and get decent marks, I have a deep, calm voice, and I can talk to people as long as the conversation doesn't get very personal. But still, this will definetly affect me negatively in the future, I can tell. Anyone who's been in my shoes before, can you please tell me how you broke out? I want to deal with this now, not when I'm 20.

 

[chained]

I see nobody is replying
well u are very self aware for a 14 year old(im 17)
so could u talk about it with your paretns or get a slef help book on the topic.. maybe, just maybe see a psychologist, ppl visit pyschologists for stupid stuff, it doesnt even have to be severe u can visit him to be precautious, and you beibg worried about it could just be a puberty thing.. a lot of stuff goes through our heads..
my 2 cents..
but rly it's great your so self aware at that age

 

[NinjaLikesToast]

I wish I could tell you how to break free from this, but I am 23 at the moment and still struggling with it.. You sound very smart though, I had no idea what my emotional problems were at that age. It's good that you have a grasp on it early, the next step would be asking for help.. That's the hard part :S
Weather it be your parents or a school counselor, I think the sooner you start talking about it with someone, the better.

Stay calm, in the end you will have to face this and violence never works

 

[Ignace]

Welcome on the forum ! If you can talk relaxed there's no problem, if your scared it's time to go in some social situations to keep it minimized.. I think. Lol, some people are still immature at the age of 20, or older.

 

[Hadron]

Hello and welcome.

I'll just get straight to the point. The only way to overcome SA is by exposure; you must expose yourself to your anxieties until you become desensitized to them. If your anxieties include talking to people, in my experience at least, talking to other people is not good enough. You will have to talk to people and be yourself. Basically always say what you think. Because if you won't, you will never truly be comfortable around the people you chat with.

I know it's easier said than done but, the more you practice the easier it will become, and the easier it becomes the quicker you will be able to overcome this. A positive-feedback-mechanism, basically...

 

[Mr. S]

I see nobody is replying
well u are very self aware for a 14 year old(im 17)
so could u talk about it with your paretns or get a slef help book on the topic.. maybe, just maybe see a psychologist, ppl visit pyschologists for stupid stuff, it doesnt even have to be severe u can visit him to be precautious, and you beibg worried about it could just be a puberty thing.. a lot of stuff goes through our heads..
my 2 cents..
but rly it's great your so self aware at that age

Thanks, I really like to be able to understand myself and what's going on in my brain.
I don't think it's a puberty thing, at least not the main factor. I mean it's important to have people to talk to rather than let my feelings pile up inside me, which is basically what's happening except for this forum.

I wish I could tell you how to break free from this, but I am 23 at the moment and still struggling with it.. You sound very smart though, I had no idea what my emotional problems were at that age. It's good that you have a grasp on it early, the next step would be asking for help.. That's the hard part :S
Weather it be your parents or a school counselor, I think the sooner you start talking about it with someone, the better.

Stay calm, in the end you will have to face this and violence never works

I've been thinking of talking to my parents. They know that I'm shy but talking to them about it would just get awkward. Even if there seems to be nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about by talking when I put myself in their shoes, it still seems awkward. I hate the irrational human brain sometimes.

Welcome on the forum ! If you can talk relaxed there's no problem, if your scared it's time to go in some social situations to keep it minimized.. I think. Lol, some people are still immature at the age of 20, or older.

It's a little hard to put my finger on exactly what the source of my problem is... perhaps I take too long thinking, and when I talk I need more time to think about what to say... maybe? Anyway I don't talk relaxed at all, I talk stiff, with 'ums', 'I thinks' and 'I guesses'... and almost monotone sometimes. I sometimes feel a little scared or have anxiety in some social situations, eg. a party. Even if it's a family reunion, since I don't know some of my outer relatives that well.

Hello and welcome.

I'll just get straight to the point. The only way to overcome SA is by exposure; you must expose yourself to your anxieties until you become desensitized to them. If your anxieties include talking to people, in my experience at least, talking to other people is not good enough. You will have to talk to people and be yourself. Basically always say what you think. Because if you won't, you will never truly be comfortable around the people you chat with.

I know it's easier said than done but, the more you practice the easier it will become, and the easier it becomes the quicker you will be able to overcome this. A positive-feedback-mechanism, basically...

That sounds right. Now, I have to actually go and do it... um, yeah. lol.
Edit: I wouldn't call my shyness SA just yet, I'm just worried that it could get worse if I don't do something. I read some other people's posts and SA seems to be a much higher level of shyness, not quite what I'm experiencing.


There's a small social situation coming up... just a pizza lunch for writing a math contest. I really should go, for obvious reasons (not the pizza, that's a bonus ) but it will be awkward, and I don't see myself getting in any conversations. Because most people in my grade already know me as the shy kid, it might be easier with total strangers. If THEY started talking to ME, I could handle that, but that probably won't happen.