treeline
Member
I'm struggling to make any sense of my life, I've been feeling quite down this week in general, but I'm really feeling the most alone I've felt in a while. It's more confusion than depression, and I just don't know what to think of people. they're really heavy mood swings, that can get triggered by seeing happy people, irritating people, those sorts of things. things I want or things I don't want to be involved with..
I'm in my first year of uni and it's really only just getting to me that there is such a lack of people I can connect with. I have a (small) handfull of friends I go out with and I do love them, and get a lot of love back. I really miss them when they aren't here, which is something I've never felt i my life, I can really say that. I glided through school for the last few years just ignoring the fact that I no longer had any emotional connections. 2 at the most, even then, they never seemed particularly close.
so I'm thankful to have those people. Only they're too different. They're just so nice but not interested at all in the idea of experimentation and alternative things like I am. I just want to find people who connect with music and images the way I do, and someone who I share emotions with... so far the vast vast majority of anyone I've met is all into going out, having fun, drinking, which I've had my share of but to be honest that's not what I want to enjoy. They can come back into the flat making loud noises and laughing if they want, but when I feel like I do today, I'm not in the mood to tolerate that. Walking back from a friend's today quite late, I felt so angry about the people in the street. All out there being loud. I don't get it. That gets me feeling even worse, and then I'll see a young couple, dressed nicely and I feel a bit lost in it all. Like I really just want to grow older right now and be able to settle down without the whole teenage remnants thing going on. I'm 19, and it hurts a lot!! I thought being 18 was bad. now all I want to do is grow up and find grown up people to be with.
ok that turned into more of a general complaint and me feeling bad about myself but maybe others want to talk about feeling low and lost too. I really can't believe there aren't more people like me, who enjoy quiet lives. but that's the thing, if they're like me or worse, they might be shying away in their rooms thinking the same thing.
It's a funny thing, spotting these people. when you think you could potentially be such good friends. but they're quiet and don't seem interested and just walk on. how on earth does one connect with these people? it's that gut feeling I get, I'm sure a lot of you do too, when you know just by the way they look and act that they have something going on in there that is so beautifully laid back and calm...
watching films makes that feeling worse actually, everything can be so painfully perfect in them!
I'm in my first year of uni and it's really only just getting to me that there is such a lack of people I can connect with. I have a (small) handfull of friends I go out with and I do love them, and get a lot of love back. I really miss them when they aren't here, which is something I've never felt i my life, I can really say that. I glided through school for the last few years just ignoring the fact that I no longer had any emotional connections. 2 at the most, even then, they never seemed particularly close.
so I'm thankful to have those people. Only they're too different. They're just so nice but not interested at all in the idea of experimentation and alternative things like I am. I just want to find people who connect with music and images the way I do, and someone who I share emotions with... so far the vast vast majority of anyone I've met is all into going out, having fun, drinking, which I've had my share of but to be honest that's not what I want to enjoy. They can come back into the flat making loud noises and laughing if they want, but when I feel like I do today, I'm not in the mood to tolerate that. Walking back from a friend's today quite late, I felt so angry about the people in the street. All out there being loud. I don't get it. That gets me feeling even worse, and then I'll see a young couple, dressed nicely and I feel a bit lost in it all. Like I really just want to grow older right now and be able to settle down without the whole teenage remnants thing going on. I'm 19, and it hurts a lot!! I thought being 18 was bad. now all I want to do is grow up and find grown up people to be with.
ok that turned into more of a general complaint and me feeling bad about myself but maybe others want to talk about feeling low and lost too. I really can't believe there aren't more people like me, who enjoy quiet lives. but that's the thing, if they're like me or worse, they might be shying away in their rooms thinking the same thing.
It's a funny thing, spotting these people. when you think you could potentially be such good friends. but they're quiet and don't seem interested and just walk on. how on earth does one connect with these people? it's that gut feeling I get, I'm sure a lot of you do too, when you know just by the way they look and act that they have something going on in there that is so beautifully laid back and calm...
watching films makes that feeling worse actually, everything can be so painfully perfect in them!
