Separation Anxiety Help

[diamondback2k9]

So, about 18 months ago I fell in love with the most amazing women. We recently got engaged and have purchased our first home together. Everything is going great other one issue I'm trying to figure out a way past. My issue is everytime she talks about doing something without me (in this last cases it was wedding dress shopping ) I get phyiscally get sick to stomach to point where I want to throw up, I get dizzy, weak, and an accelerated heart rate. I want her to be able to go an enjoy things on her own without worrying about me. I know it the back of my mind everything will be okay in the end and I'm almost always in a great mood other than this. I have tried my best to try and keep busy when she is gone and it helps pass the time but it doesn't help how I feel. Sometimes when she leaves or is planning on leaving it makes me not want to talk. I love this woman to the worlds end and I know there are going to be days when or certain activities when we can't be together but it almost to the point where it incapacitates me when we aren't together. I have tried talking to family and I have tried staying busy and it hasn't helped. I have been thinking about going to talk to a Dr. but I'm not sure what kind of Dr. I should even talk to? Do you guys have any ideas to help me get over the hurdle.

 

[Mion]

Even though if you both share now your life together, there are still activities you both do without each other - and believe me, this is quite important for a good and healthy relationship!
Maybe when she goes out with her girls to do anything, you should also go out, even if that's probably not really easy. You will get used to it, and if you both spend some time away from each other, the time you spend together will be even more beautiful. Seperation anxiety can poison a relationship, so maybe you should do some stuff to calm yourself down. Talk to your fiancee and tell her about your anxiety, if you haven't done that already.
Sometimes even little things can improove the situation. For example: You both can fill a "Glückstopf" ( It's german and I'm not sure about the translation). It is like a little pot filled with "luck". You take little pieces of paper and write compliments for each other down or all the nice things that come across your mind when you think about each other and put it in.
So you make her one pot filled with luck and love and she does the same thing for you. And whenever you feel lonely or think she is going to leave you, you can pick a little piece of paper out of the "Glückstopf" and that will remind you, that everything is going to be all right and that she truly loves you. Well it is just an idea..
If it really doesn't get better, you bouth maybe could consult a pair therapist, who knows how to deal with those things.
I wish you the best

 

[Sacrament]

My case is similar except I'm terrified of something happened to that person. It's only happened with three people in my life (two of them family). I wouldn't call it separation anxiety because I'm not necessarily anxious that they're out and I'm not with them, but I get irrationally worried.

I'd say the best thing you can do is just acknowledge how you're feeling but find things to keep yourself busy and thus not inwardly focused (if not hanging out with friends, then find some volunteer work, or do some chores, go shopping, etc).

 

[diamondback2k9]

Thank you everyone! While its hard sometimes to volunteer ect.. because we have a two year old together. While I love him to death and love the time I have with him it doesn't make it any easier and I have trouble finding things to do together since he so little still. I really can't wait to be able to take the little guy fishing, or to be able to toss baseball with him. I actually just made an appointment to talk to my Dr. about it. It has been going on since we moved in together and thought it would get easier as time went on but it hasn't. Sometimes my stomach gets upset on little quick trips to the store. I have talked to her about it and she is super understanding with the hole thing. I may just give the little German trick a shot. I guess we will find out in a few weeks when she goes dress shopping for the morning. I have a nice morning planned for me and my little guy so hopefully it passes by quickly. I think it might even relate to something might happen to her as my go to person before she came into my life I could tell anything to (my dad) went to work and that was the last time I ever saw him.

 

[Sacrament]

I'm sorry about your dad.

As for your current situation, and since it'll be a few years since you can take your kid fishing or have conversations with him, do invest your time in things that are worthwhile. For instance, you can take him to a McDonald's or some other place with an area for kids, and mingle with the other moms and dads. Or, if you're gonna stay in, keep focusing outwardly. Read a book while he's playing or napping, or cook, or fix something around the house (or do research on how to fix stuff around the house), etc. Keeping busy keeps the crappy thoughts at bay, because it's impossible to focus on the two of them at the exact same time. More busy = less intrusive thoughts.

 

[diamondback2k9]

Sometimes being busy doesn't help the way I feel phyiscaly though. The only thing it does is help pass the time. I think part of the issue is we don't do enough apart. We talked about it last night of starting off slow and doing small trips to the grocery separate and building up to having lunches or a just 2 hours out someone once a month on a Saturday afternoon and go from there so when things that we can't do together do come up its not a huge deal for me.

 

[Sacrament]

Yeah, if you do every single thing with her, it's bound to be difficult/strange doing them apart. Plus, it's a healthy thing not being together 24/7, builds character and also your relationship. But don't just do small things, also try to make friends you can hang out with, instead of having her as your only social interaction. The more you live your life around her, the more you'll need her, and the more dependant you become for validation and so forth. She should complement your life, not be your life.

 

[diamondback2k9]

Well, we are just starting out doing little things apart and today I went without chatting with her during our lunch breaks and we will build up to where we can spend a day or two without each other. We just thought it would be best to take it slow at first. I have my Dr. appointment in a few hours so hopefully he has some in-sight as well.