self destructive/low self image

[Falkor]

hi,

so today, ive had a lot of moments.. like feeling unworthy about myself.
I don´t know what to do, I´m feeling so depressed, that I feel like I´m the most ugly awful person in the world. I feel this so strong, that I have suicidal thoughts. I´m afraid, So that won´t happen. But I know this is just really bad. I wish I could love myself, and just enjoy life. But my whole life i´ve been different, i have so severe social anxiety around people, may not look like it, but when i´m around people i´m having anxiety attacks so bad, I run away and I can´t even say Hi. I feel terrified around people. There was a time I couldn´t even check my mailbox outside, Now I can , i´ve made progress, but still I have a very hard time .


I have positive moments too alot, like I see the bright sides of life, I enjoy my lovely family, friends, etc.. And I enjoy making music and have lots of humourous moments.. but I also have these moments that I think about all my traumas, bulllying, people who´ve let me down, bad relationships, and I feel the ´´Victim´´ Of my own life. I feel like everything in my life is all about sadness and pain. I see only darkness, and that makes me feel so awfull. I really want to climb out of this, and make the best out of it.
But I keep having thoughts like I can´t handle this anymore..

PFF

 

[kihira]

I guess the trick is to hold on to only the positive things and let the bad feelings and memories go - these will always come along but they ain't worth keeping

 

[conscious_mindz]

Hey flowrgirlie i can understand most of what ur saying, i also have very low self esteem, low self worth. social anxiety, sometimes when talking to even family members my lips sometimes quiver like im nervous, my mind tells me everyone thinks i act weird & that im unlovable, un likeable etc.. i know it stems from being bullied.. my mum & dad telling me im no good at dancing / singing / my clothes are not to theyre taste, so i always felt like i cannot be myself, anyway this is a reply to ur msg.. i understand how you feel, how the mind can beat u down to the point of being afraid to look at urself in the mirror, i hope 2011 i can make some BIG changes! & i also wish u all the love & luck for 2011 btw i like ur videos on youtube & i think u sing awesome

 

[Spike Lee]

Flowergirlie

i've said this before and I'll say it again

you are extremely talented and gorgeous!

have u ever thought about meds?

 

[Falkor]

I guess the trick is to hold on to only the positive things and let the bad feelings and memories go - these will always come along but they ain't worth keeping

Hey Phocas, Yeah ofc that's the trick. But it's very hard... but youre totally right thanks

Hey flowrgirlie i can understand most of what ur saying, i also have very low self esteem, low self worth. social anxiety, sometimes when talking to even family members my lips sometimes quiver like im nervous, my mind tells me everyone thinks i act weird & that im unlovable, un likeable etc.. i know it stems from being bullied.. my mum & dad telling me im no good at dancing / singing / my clothes are not to theyre taste, so i always felt like i cannot be myself, anyway this is a reply to ur msg.. i understand how you feel, how the mind can beat u down to the point of being afraid to look at urself in the mirror, i hope 2011 i can make some BIG changes! & i also wish u all the love & luck for 2011 btw i like ur videos on youtube & i think u sing awesome

Hey Concious_mindz, Thanks I hope 2011 will be the most wonderful year, i hope we can make huge improvements in life! Keep singing, keep dancing, it's your passion, so never let anyone stop you!!!

Flowergirlie

i've said this before and I'll say it again

you are extremely talented and gorgeous!

have u ever thought about meds?

Thanks ::, Yeah. I have medication, Risperdal.
But my Psych want me to take SSRI's in the future.
Or more serotonine. To be more happy and get rid of the dysforie. (Depression, negative feelings, etc).

But I'm thinking about taking 5-HTP again, because I remember times taking it and I felt so good.. It's a healthy natural product, and it makes me feel really positive. (It's also serotonine).