hello_nurse
New member
Has anyone else suffered or continues to be plagued by school phobia/avoidance?
I am 22 years old and have suffered from social phobia for as long as I can remember. I know that my social phobia and school phobia went hand in hand until I had had enough and dropped out of high school when I was 16. I wasn't your typical drop out - I was on the honour roll and in the top of all of my classes. It was a very big blow for my parents whose daughter was more than bright enough to easily get into university and excell all the way through. But my fear of my peers and what they might be thinking about me made me become frightened of going to school each and every day. And that leads me to today.
After I dropped out I became more or less a hermit. I was so embarassed for having dropped out of school that I pretty much cut all contact with my friends so I wouldn't have to worry about what they thought of me. But in my head, living at home with no life was better than sitting in the pressures of school everyday. When I was 18 my father was killed in a vehicle accident, and I was tumbled into depression and not knowing what my life was anymore. I continued to work part time at a 'safe' place where I knew everyone and didn't have to talk to strangers. At 19 I met my first serious boyfriend and finally came out of my shell. Three years later I am a completely different person in every sense. I work in retail and enjoy talking to people I know and don't know all day long, I am never home because I am always out somewhere with my boyfriend or friends, or just taking time and shopping on my own. I pretty much have 'cured' myself of the social phobia which once ruled my life.
And here I am today, wanting to go back to school, but because I dropped out so early, I am missing school courses that I need to get into post secondary education. Last fall I signed up for a high school night school course, and was completely excited until I went to the school and saw all of the high school kids. I had a panic attack in the parking lot, and drove straight home. I then entered an adult day school a few months later and was able to continue that right until the end because it was an adult school, it wasn't held in a high school, and there were no high school kids around to look at me and think whatever positive or negative thoughts about me. I am still in need of a few extra courses and today was the start of an accelerated summer school program that I had signed up for. When driving to the high school this morning I saw high school kids everywhere, and completely chickened out and turned around.
I don't know what it is, but the thought of entering a high school, of sitting in a class with high school kids, frightens me and tells me to run away as fast as I can. I am a good 6 years older than these kids, but they still scare the heck out of me if I have to sit in a room full of them. How crazy does that sound?! And as well with school, my mind continues to tell me to avoid it, to avoid the oncoming schoolwork, and that I shouldn't be sitting in school slaving away to just that... school. My mind is so turned off of school that it continually tells me to run far far away from it.
Has anyone else suffered from this? I just want to get myself into post secondary education so that I can make something of my life. But everytime this happens I feel like more and more of a failure, and that the hole I dig for myself continually gets bigger and my mind gets worse about the whole issue. I don't stress about it very much, my mind just gets the thought of 'avoid' in my head, and I can't seem to get past it at all.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I am 22 years old and have suffered from social phobia for as long as I can remember. I know that my social phobia and school phobia went hand in hand until I had had enough and dropped out of high school when I was 16. I wasn't your typical drop out - I was on the honour roll and in the top of all of my classes. It was a very big blow for my parents whose daughter was more than bright enough to easily get into university and excell all the way through. But my fear of my peers and what they might be thinking about me made me become frightened of going to school each and every day. And that leads me to today.
After I dropped out I became more or less a hermit. I was so embarassed for having dropped out of school that I pretty much cut all contact with my friends so I wouldn't have to worry about what they thought of me. But in my head, living at home with no life was better than sitting in the pressures of school everyday. When I was 18 my father was killed in a vehicle accident, and I was tumbled into depression and not knowing what my life was anymore. I continued to work part time at a 'safe' place where I knew everyone and didn't have to talk to strangers. At 19 I met my first serious boyfriend and finally came out of my shell. Three years later I am a completely different person in every sense. I work in retail and enjoy talking to people I know and don't know all day long, I am never home because I am always out somewhere with my boyfriend or friends, or just taking time and shopping on my own. I pretty much have 'cured' myself of the social phobia which once ruled my life.
And here I am today, wanting to go back to school, but because I dropped out so early, I am missing school courses that I need to get into post secondary education. Last fall I signed up for a high school night school course, and was completely excited until I went to the school and saw all of the high school kids. I had a panic attack in the parking lot, and drove straight home. I then entered an adult day school a few months later and was able to continue that right until the end because it was an adult school, it wasn't held in a high school, and there were no high school kids around to look at me and think whatever positive or negative thoughts about me. I am still in need of a few extra courses and today was the start of an accelerated summer school program that I had signed up for. When driving to the high school this morning I saw high school kids everywhere, and completely chickened out and turned around.
I don't know what it is, but the thought of entering a high school, of sitting in a class with high school kids, frightens me and tells me to run away as fast as I can. I am a good 6 years older than these kids, but they still scare the heck out of me if I have to sit in a room full of them. How crazy does that sound?! And as well with school, my mind continues to tell me to avoid it, to avoid the oncoming schoolwork, and that I shouldn't be sitting in school slaving away to just that... school. My mind is so turned off of school that it continually tells me to run far far away from it.
Has anyone else suffered from this? I just want to get myself into post secondary education so that I can make something of my life. But everytime this happens I feel like more and more of a failure, and that the hole I dig for myself continually gets bigger and my mind gets worse about the whole issue. I don't stress about it very much, my mind just gets the thought of 'avoid' in my head, and I can't seem to get past it at all.
Thanks for letting me vent.
