School days.. :(

[Ajuna24]

Hi there..

I've just started at a new school. ...I can't remember exactly what year I quit the last school I went to.
It must have been a couple of years since then. I've not really done anything at all.
Sitting in front of the computer. Sleeping. Eventually I was alone nearly all of the time.
My memory is really bad now.. I've mostly done the same things for a long time so I
started forgetting what I had been doing even the night before.
My depression healed. A lot still lurked around in the back of my head, though.

I always thought I was really stupid. In school I always did really bad. For a long time I thought I was
being depressed because I knew I was just not a good as the other kids.
And.. I felt that the teachers payed less attention to me than everybody else.

I can't remember a period in my life in which I haven't felt like crap.
I've tought that I hated school because I was lazy or what ever.. but..
I never had any friends there either. For the longest time I was absolutely sure that I was depressed
because I didn't know anyone. But now I've realized that it's not that I don't know anyone, it's that I
have nothing in common with anyone else.

Doesn't it feel familiar? Everyone seems so happy and everyone is chatting with each other.
Everyone has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. They all have a ton of friends. In their sparetime they
spend their time at the training center, at the movies or watching the latest crappy reality show on TV.
In my class I'm the only guy.. as if things weren't bad enough.

I should be up in like 4 hours but I can't sleep because I can't relax and I keep tearing up.
It's not like I'm not trying to keep myself from crying but I just can't keep it back.
Yeah.. I know I'm pathetic or whatever. Trust me, I've heard it all before..

So what am I going to do..? I feel trapped.
The worse I feel, the happier everyone else in my family seems. I hide it well.
It's not like this is something new to me.
Well.. it's not like I can't end my own damn life anyway. I just can't put that kind of grief on my parents hearts.

I don't know what to do! I'm feeling as if I am walking right into hell again.

 

[omnispace]

I used to feel the same way about not having anything to talk about. In high school my only interest was video games. And it seemed like nobody else was talking about them. But then games became popular (Halo), and I still had little to say to my classmates. So, I don't think the lack of common interests was really the problem, at least not for me.

Is it possible that someone in the class does share an interest with you, and you just don't know it because you haven't asked the right questions?

I haven't yet figured out how to ask someone about their interests, without sounding really awkward.

Well, those are my thoughts. Might not apply to your situation.