Scared to date!!!

[bird]

Does anyone else have it so chronic that you cant even accept a single date ?i umm n arrr all bloody day worrying-a guy i have 'seen' b4 xmas hasaskedto meet up again and its only to go watch a dvd in his house but im nervous as!!! i didnt used to be this bad! I dont get it why cant i just accpet and say hell why not?i think about what will/could happen what can i say what about the awkward silences... what if i run out of things to say as lets face it i hate talking about myself,i hate telling stories i must be so boring!!!! anyone have any tips or advice?he knows i get panic attacks but doesnt know to which extent... havent said its social phobia as i think that will just scare him off!! Anyone else feel ike this?

 

[Thelema]

Its very scary but very simple.

If you have nothing to talk about ask him how his day was

I hate talking about myself too so if you ask questions, even what you may consider stupid, you can get by without talking about yourself.

Pauses ALWAYS happen whenever 2 or more people are talking. Its something that just happens, so remember it always happens no matter who is there or who is talking. The only reason you don't realise this is beceause you yourself don't notice it when it happens.

While watching the movie you both will be busy with the movie so there isn't any pressure to say anything.

While watching the movie remember something funny that happens or surpising (depending on the movie) and after the movie remember to bring that up if you feel like you have nothing else to talk about.

You'll feel great when its all over and you'll thank yourself for mustering up the courage to do something really good for yourself.

Every time you have a date it will get exactly 1000x easier. It will get to the point it is as casual as going to the kitchen to get a drink or turning on the tv, honestly. You are like arnold schwarzenegger the first day he stepped in the gym. You need to work your dating muscle through exercise. Nobody is born with it. The only guarantee is that you WILL get stronger.

Good luck!

 

[bird]

Thanks

Thanks so much for your replies... unfortunatly i took the losers choice and text him i wasnt feeling so good(he knows bout my panic) and his response was face it or like you've said, people/frieds wont hang around!
Felt like shit and cied my eyes out. Ended up going over to see my otherfriend/ex... HATE bein like this felt like i hadenough last night as your mind knows its not a bad situation but the more and more you think 'procrastinate'??about it it gets worse and you end up thinking 'oh no way i couldnt possibly go through that' Ridiculous!!! So thanks for your response guys really appreciate it ..... oh well i live anotherday!! :roll:

 

[thequietone]

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you, bird...
I just want you to know that you're already way ahead of me because you had a potential date with a guy. I'm always to scared to let it get that far and end up acting aloof until they get bored or confused---but I'm working at that! I think at age twenty I'm finally ready to try taking some risks! Better late than never, lol...I was also impressed with the fact that you told someone of the opposite sex about your panic, to me, that's really brave. I always feel like no one could possibly understand.
I know the feeling well---when you've backed out of a situation by saying you're sick when you're really not. You can allow yourself a moment of weakness, it's entirely understandable. The best thing to do is not punish yourself about it and redeem yourself next time.
Use that excess panic adrenaline for good! I always try to tell myself that adrenaline can be excitement too.
Good luck.

 

[bird]

Cheers

Thanks quietone, i found him through intenet dating and luckily when we first met we already knew eachother from years ago-but not to talk but it gave me a talking point! i ended it after a while due to him not makin\much time for me. he seemed to regret that n we flirted recently through text! you may think im brave but most of my correspondence is done through text thing thatsstupid is that i suggested meeting up again n he agreed n offered me to go over n then thats when it all went wrong!! he seemed understanding about my problem but i felt his reply was a little wrong (maybe thats just texting 4 you!!! ps do you guys text all the time in us?nitemare. I think internet dating has been ok for me i have met a few guys off there i suppose its easier as you can chat foras long as you want to make sure your happy about meeting and i feel i have more control over dating guys off there....
i suggest you go on these dates you get offered as you seem confident about the way to handle it when your not sure,mine was just bad timing or perhaps. Good luck!
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[Thelema]

I usedto text all the time. Its a good way to keep in touch and discuss things without having to talk. If he's understanding then he's worth trying to date...If he gets mad at you and doesn't try to understand then he probably isn't worth it anyway. You're trying to do something very hard for you and he should understand that. From a guys perspective, its a good thing to be open about your little weird things and phobias. Its cute :wink: