Scared of dinner parties, social "fun and games"

[tooshytosay]

Hello, I am a college student who will be attending a new course in a few weeks.

The thing is, we're gonna have this compulsory thing called "orientation week" which will consist of nightly themed dinner parties, and other socially-oriented "fun and games" sessions.

I am scared to death about this, because I simply... cannot mingle, cannot interact with others, especially in these supposedly "fun, light-hearted" situations. Past social experience has shown me to always be that quiet, lone guy who ends up observing people all mingling together, laughing, conversing, dancing, etc.

Frankly, it all seems so wondrous to me how people can "get on" so well with others.... "mingle" so smoothly.

This probably has to do with me having no social skills at all rather than "social anxiety" per se but please someone help me!

 

[AdmiralSirJohn]

I can't help, but I can commiserate. For as long as I can remember, I've been the exact same way.

In fact, the closest I've ever come to "normal" in such a situation was at a Star Trek convention some years ago, yet, even there, I ended up a shriveled wallflower...

When you find some help, let me know.

 

[danstelter]

A good place to start would be to challenge the thought that you are the quiet, lonley guy, and start believing that maybe perhaps you are the funny/cool guy. If you buy into the belief that you are lonely and quiet, then that is all you will ever be. Give yourself a realistic goal that you could accomplish, like starting a conversation with one stranger. In college, starting a conversation is easy, just talk to another person about his/her major, or any other number of appropriate topics! Good luck, and just believe in yourself that you can in fact do it!

 

[PhantomPod]

I can definitely relate to you and I would be just as nervous as you are about those little dinner parties.

As for advice, you could try buying a book with tips on mingling. My mom gave me a book for Christmas called "Small Talk," by Debra Fine. I have not started reading through it yet, but just by reading the back cover, it sure looks like it covers some good topics and that it will be somewhat useful.
It's this book here:http://www.amazon.com/Fine-Art-Smal...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230345544&sr=8-1
(Although, I have read some of the comments about this book on Amazon, and people are saying it's more focused on conversing in a business setting, versus just everyday conversing with peers and trying to make friends)

 

[blackcap]

I can definitely relate to you and I would be just as nervous as you are about those little dinner parties.

As for advice, you could try buying a book with tips on mingling. My mom gave me a book for Christmas called "Small Talk," by Debra Fine. I have not started reading through it yet, but just by reading the back cover, it sure looks like it covers some good topics and that it will be somewhat useful.

Although I understand the theory of small talk, I struggle to put it to practice. For example I may think of some topics to talk about beforehand, try and open the conversation with something we have in common, ask leading questions etc, but when it comes time to do it, I struggle.

It doesn't help when the other person doesn't come back with questions of their own, which seems to happen to me a lot. People just don't seem to be interested in me, so the onus always seems to be on me to keep the other person talking.

 

[bitingthepea]

hey
im the same i cant mingle at all i dont no what to say or how to say it and i sit there forcing myself to think of something its terrrible !

You must of had this orientation week alredi so howd it go ?=]