Scared of all my new surroundings.

[Anonymous]

I recently moved from Los Angeles, California to Birmingham, Alabama within the USA. All the newness has put my anxiety out of control. Alabama is a beautiful state, but this sp does not allow me to enjoy myself anywhere. My husband and I moved here because he got a good employment oportunity. When ever I feel I am about to get better, I fall back into my sp. I started taking Paxil to help me out, but I guess I can not expect a magical cure out of any pill. Paxil has helped me some, but I still feel extremely anxious around people. Before taking Paxil, I was beginning to not even be able to step out of my room. Even my own sisters used to cause me sp. I was always able to manage keeping a job, but now I do not know how.

Now, I need to start looking for employment again and I am so afraid I may not be able to start all over again. There was no way I could transfer from the jobs that I left in California. My husband has been my only true friend, outside of my sisters, and married me regardless of my sp. But I feel that by not helping him financially, I will be letting him down. I know that once I get a job, little by little I will be able to handle it. Though, my problem is getting in the right door and not letting my sp get the best of me.

God! I sometimes do want to believe with all my soul that there is a God, but feel so hopeless and resentful in times like this. In times like this I want to ask God, why?, why me God?, why me? :x I just want to cry and scream.

 

[Anonymous]

First, i'll say,,there is a God But gosh, i know how you feel.. When i read about you wanting to scream, i can honistly say, im right there with you. Just a short story here but just today, i got home from a mini vacation which i felt just fine!! I come home and have to "perform" my duties of household things like just THINKING about figuring out my insurance info. and then the fact that i didnt have lettuse in the house put me over the edge. and i thought if i cant scream loud enough, i'll burst. Well, i didnt scream or burst but just hurt so bad. AND i KNOW it was just sensless to have anxiety over those things but because it would have ment going to the store where dreded people were and i just couldnt do it....geesh! I'ts so dumb but still it just tears me apart. Isure hope your paxil works. I't s great for my sister and my friend, just not for me. Im working hard on it but guess it takes time.....im gonna quit for now cause i always seem to get myself worked up and babble......You CAN do it! Just keep remembering your love for hubby, and that his love is what matters not all those "scarry" people and situations out there. I have a performance phobia im told.....just cant stand to be watched doing something im suppose to be doing..(teaching etc) yucky!!!

 

[sun]

I can identify with you. Be thankful that you have your husband there for support. I just left Alabama. Beautiful state. I'm in the military. I had a very understanding boyfriend that was my everything. I also had one special friend. I got orders to overseas about 6000 miles away. The boyfriend and I break up. I over here all alone in a foreign land and with no real friends of course. Everything is new. New people at work. We also live in dormintories, so everybody works, eats and plays together. I'm meeting new people all the time. I am about to go out of my mind.
I now know that I have always had SP, even as a child. School was very hard, but I always found ways to get around things, you our advoidant techniques :lol: I'm about to go over the edge. I have my first appointment the middle of Feb. I do ok for a while and then I lose it again. I hope that you can find the courage to go out and find work, but GOD how hard that can be. I just want to give up all together sometimes, but you must keep moving forward.

 

[MarCPatt]

Some help

I am almost embarrassed to offer help, since I am not cured of this curse yet. Though, I have found a few things helpful. I almost feel like a broken record reiterating all these information, but I want to see if I can help you a little:

1) Try talking to a doctor and get some medication that is none habit forming, such as Zoloft or Paxil. Right now I am taking Paxil and it has helped me get out of the dark a little.

2) You should also watch your diet and stay away from sugars, caffeine, and saturated fats.

3) Look into the advise posted on this forum about taking B vitamin supplements.

4) Try to exercise on a regular basis.

5) Focuse on making just one friend. You do not have to be best friends or a friend to every single person. Look out for a person that is also having a hard time making friends like yourself and see if you both can help each other. I honestly do not think you are the only person where you are at that has SP or is shy.

Let me know if any of these help. Else just ignore them, I never mentioned them.

 

[MarCPatt]

Me again.

I know no one has posted any more advise for me, but I just wanted to let you all know what is going in my life at this moment. Yes, I pray very hard for the day I can post that I have been completely cured, but I am slowly getting there. For a while I have been able to manage my anxiety better than before, but am still scared of making big new changes.

I am applying for a few jobs that hopefully go through. My only problem now is not letting my nerves get the best of me. I started exercising and eating a little healthier, hoping that they help bring peace to my mind. They have worked here at home, but soon I will be working a new job.

Doing things on my own is not easy, but my husband and I do not have health insurance right now and my being unemployed keeps us in the working poor class. This means that we only have enough for our bare necessities and my medication. My husband does work, but I can not make him put all the burden on his shoulders. He is just a wonderful man with a big heart and I can not crush him with too much work.

 

[shep]

The working poor class is not so bad especially when you have a loving and understanding husband. Take your time and build from the good base you have already. The goal should be contentment, peace of mind, and good health. Anything beyond that is just "icing on the cake" and a little bit of that goes a long way. Good luck.

 

[Anonymous]

Well Shep, you always follow my trend of thought. I am "of the age" to take a quite early retirement with little-er pay, but i have chosen that path money or not, because i know this way, i can survive and live a much fuller life. Quality of living is important to me, and everyone's got to do whats best for them....Im prob off topic, but just what i happen to be thinking about RIGHT NOW

 

[shep]

Scardecat, you sound better already. I assume that you did not go back to that upsetting employment situation. I think that there is a lot to be said for coping techniques in whatever form that works. Someday they may discover a cure or a silver bullet type drug but in the meantime, drugs do not answer for all of us. Besides, life is no "bowl of cherries" for most average people and to some degree, we are all using coping techniques whether we are sa or not---it's just especially difficult for us sa'ers. Anyway, congratulations on your retirement and I hope something of what we have gone on about is helpful to MarCPatt and others. 8)

 

[Anonymous]

Ya know shep, i am better..well, of course not all better, but it was a horrable time i was having just TRYING to go back. Funny though, here im feeling just soooooo good, and doing my "for me" walk on the beach with dogies and hubby, and then had to stop by dr's (who i really like btw) and still, i felt like i could have a heart attac right there in the dr office. and!!! i didnt even have to see dr. just stop by to pick up papers. What the heck i say. What can be so darn scarry..geesh. This is a weard thing we got. Oh, and i realize i have gad and sad.....lol not really funny, but at my age, to have just found out these things actually brings relief just knowing im not alone....(not that i'd ever wish this on anyone) but that all this weard stuff is kinda ok..hum, think im babbling again......Parts of me im very happy with though and wouldnt change....Lots of love, (too sensitive,) but i wouldnt want to be cold hearted either. Just glad i get this opportunity to find where in this world im most useful, but comfortable too.

 

[Anonymous]

last post was me

oops, that last post was me :lol:

 

[Jess333]

Please read my post, it may help. The title is MY STORY

I Can SO relate to your post.


my post is long, but you can skim through to the useful parts.


msn: [email protected]

email: [email protected]

 

[MarCPatt]

A funeral, lots of people, and a future job.

You never realize how bad SP is until someone in the family dies and you are more worried about yourself than those who are in the most pain. This last Saturday I went to Florida to bury my husband’s grandmother. When I heard the news, my first thought was, “Oh no, I have no choice but to be around a lot of people!” I almost wanted to cry from the fear of being surrounded by so many individuals, having a panic attack and not finding a way away. How pathetic can that be? My husband was in pain. His father was in pain. A lot of people were in pain and I was worried about me. In times like this I feel that having SP makes me selfish. The only good thing was that in the moments that I did spend thinking about making them a little more comfortable helped me feel less SP sometimes. The other times, I wanted to run away and hide in a closet or hole in the ground.

When I returned home this Sunday I felt so tired from the stress of SP, that I did not want to go for any job interviews. I had a job interview today, but luckily for me the boss’s dad died last night. This means that I will not have an interview, until the boss is back from his funeral. It is so sad that I am always thinking about my discomfort and not that of others.

Funerals make me think about how I waste my life allowing SP to control me. In moments like this I just want to enjoy life. I want to enjoy every person and every living thing to the maximum because we never know when our last moment in this life will be.

 

[Jess333]

Re: A funeral, lots of people, and a future job.

Hey, listen...this reaction you're having from the "social phobia" is PAINFUL and stressful, of course you're going to think of yourself. Give yourself a break sweetie. At least you REALIZE the pain of your husband and losing his grandmother.

What you need to be focused on now is this: How can I cure this? How can I get over this? How do I be "normal" again? What do I have to do? Do I have to read self-help books? Do I have to go on medication? Do I need to see a therapist? Make a commitment to yourself right now; that you will do everything in your power to master this "social phobia".

Listen, you may be DIAGNOSED with something, but don't THINK this IS PERMANENT! It is ONLY PERMANENT IF YOU ALLOW IT. TRUST ME. I have figured how to master it. FINALLY. I AM/WAS THE POSTER CHILD FOR SOCIAL PHOBIA.

The important thing is this...if you choose to THINK that you will be like this for the rest of your life and there's nothing you can do. YOU WILL FEEL THIS AWFUL FEELING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. OR, you can choose to do something about it and be proactive in your RECOVERY.

Talk to me more, or IM me if you want or care for more advice on how to beat this and be happy and calm again.

[email protected] (msn messenger)
[email protected] (email)

Take care

You CAN DO THIS, IF I CAN < YOU CAN

Jessica

You never realize how bad SP is until someone in the family dies and you are more worried about yourself than those who are in the most pain. This last Saturday I went to Florida to bury my husband’s grandmother. When I heard the news, my first thought was, “Oh no, I have no choice but to be around a lot of people!” I almost wanted to cry from the fear of being surrounded by so many individuals, having a panic attack and not finding a way away. How pathetic can that be? My husband was in pain. His father was in pain. A lot of people were in pain and I was worried about me. In times like this I feel that having SP makes me selfish. The only good thing was that in the moments that I did spend thinking about making them a little more comfortable helped me feel less SP sometimes. The other times, I wanted to run away and hide in a closet or hole in the ground.

When I returned home this Sunday I felt so tired from the stress of SP, that I did not want to go for any job interviews. I had a job interview today, but luckily for me the boss’s dad died last night. This means that I will not have an interview, until the boss is back from his funeral. It is so sad that I am always thinking about my discomfort and not that of others.

Funerals make me think about how I waste my life allowing SP to control me. In moments like this I just want to enjoy life. I want to enjoy every person and every living thing to the maximum because we never know when our last moment in this life will be.

 

[MarCPatt]

No, I am not completely cured, but I have managed to keep a job for a year. YES! I came back to visit to give you all the good news so that maybe it can give a you all at least a little hope.

All I can say is to look for jobs that do not require a lot of direct interaction with costumers. This works for me. I can get used to co-workers, after many months of working with them, but it is still difficult for me to work with new people on a daily basis. Remember, a job is a job. Do not worry about the type of job you get, even if it is cleaning toiltes, it is still a job. :idea:

Good luck to you all. Yes, I will visit some other time.

 

[MarCPatt]

No, I am not cleaning toilets. But cleaning toilets for a living is a million times more honorable than a healthy person, mentally and physically, who refuses to take such a job and ends up homeless.