Toad
Well-known member
It only seems right to introduce myself by stating my problems and asking whether or not I really do have a problem…so ill do just that. (yeah I know…oh no not another one of these…meh you don’t have to read it if you don’t want). To start off, I’m 19 and currently studying to be a Civil Engineer (ill let you know which bridges to avoid 
). I guess I'll just say that I hate talking about my problems even though they are, I’m sure, minor compared to others, and its very hard for me to do so…since I never have before. Don’t really know where to start so I guess I’ll just start by saying that right now I’m really confused, since I’ve never been diagnoses so to speak with social phobia, so I’m not real sure if this is my problem or I’m just overreacting I dunno…I figure that people with it would be able to tell if I had it although I know only a doctor or “professional” so to speak can do such a thing. I’m just afraid to seek help unless I know for certain which probably will never happen, and even if I do know I still need someone to push me along…anyways yeah I know get on with your problems…well fine.
Some of my problems that make me think I have social phobia are that I often find myself dwelling on the past and all of the mistakes I’ve made and what I could have done better in those situations. I overanalyze everything…possibly I’m overanalyzing thinking I have social phobia? Not real sure myself, but it is very annoying because all I can think of is the past unless I’m multitasking or being distracted by something, or worrying about the future which is no better. An example of this would be, in order for me to do homework or study, I have to listen to music to keep my mind from drifting to my past…It's not that I really have had a bad past at all either. I find that if I’m listening to music and studying I can concentrate on the lyrics of the song in the times where I am not thinking about what I’m studying or doing homework dunno if that makes much sense.
Also, I’m a huge perfectionist, if I do something it has to be the best I can make it so that I have no regrets and cant look back at it and say “What if…?”. This is very annoying because it obviously takes me a hell of a lot longer to get things done than it does for most people. Dunno if this is really related to social phobia but its still a problem and very annoying.
As for something more related to SP, I do get really nervous in front of others or when I’m the center of attention in a group that is not my close friends. I’m fine with my friends but if I don’t know the people very well I normally don’t say much at all, it’s almost like I have multiple personalities. Also I find that when I’m in the presence of my friends parents, or “important” people I have to act all proper and shit…guess I feel the need to be accepted…dunno. Can’t really make eye contact with them either which I realize would be caused by SP. The weird thing about this is that I really don’t give a damn what other think of me, but I still get nervous around people other than my close friends.
I find that when I’m put on the spot or the center of attention I don’t blush which seems common, but I occasionally shake and my heart is pounding (sound familiar?). Sometimes I get real dizzy if it’s something that I hate a whole lot (presentations and tests…ewe) and occasionally I’ve had an “out of body” experience, and no I don’t do drugs. I also worry about things in the future way before they happen…such as my next English class since our teacher told us she was going to call on random people next time...grr. I’m not the person that would skip class because of this though, ‘cause I worry about my grades as well (with just about everything else it seems).
One of the things that pisses me off the most is that I’ve never had a girlfriend, and if I can’t get myself to talk to girls or even people I don’t know very well, how the hell will I ever get one. It's not that I am that desperate for sex or anything like that, I just want someone to be there with me as I go through life. I want someone there to reassure me, and love me. I don’t want to go through my life alone, which, the way things are going right now, is a very real possibility. I’ve even had a girl ask ME out…and I was like “uh…” (there I go again dwelling on the past). Some other (not so) interesting things about me are that I’ve never been to a party (when I say party I mean…party…not get together birthday “party”), and I don’t drink (this is one of the few good things I can think of right now). In fact one of my goals in life is to never drink any alcohol…yeah pretty weird huh?
I also really hate it when people worry about me, and I really hate making people upset with me (people I don’t know very much that is), which is probably why I don’t tell anyone what I think…ever. I’m also a very sarcastic person and am an asshole to the people who are close to me, because when people are happy, for some reason I get mad because I can never seem to be happy. My friends deal with this cause they all know I’m a huge pessimist and don’t really mean the things I say to them.
You may be asking yourself by now…why are you telling us all of this, and the truth is I really have no idea but I thought you might be able to give me suggestions as to what to do. Like…if you think I do have SP, then how should I go about getting help? I can’t seem to be able to tell even my closest friend that there is something wrong with me, because I just don’t really trust anyone…I want him to say something to the extent of you need help, lets go get some for you…but I know this won’t happen. I also would feel like a huge disappointment if I did get help for this, (which is in a way what I’m doing now…although its anonymous so I don’t feel as bad doing it cause no one will know its me), cause my parents are great and haven’t done anything wrong, and they might feel responsible. I wouldn’t like to tell them anyways even if I got help, but I’m sure they would find out somehow. Sorry about the long post, I just really needed to get some of this out, so maybe I can stop dwelling on it and concentrate on all the shit I’m worrying about so maybe I wont worry about it as much (yeah right…that’s the nth time I’ve told myself that one).
Well…that’s all the problems I can get myself to type now...got some more but typing all of this is really depressing, if you read all of this thanks and sorry for wasting your time, any help you can offer will be appreciated. Any questions comments criticism…anything is appreciated, and sorry for being just another one with the same old problem if this is indeed the case…and now for my next obstacle…the submit button (here’s to hoping I won’t regret this…).
). I guess I'll just say that I hate talking about my problems even though they are, I’m sure, minor compared to others, and its very hard for me to do so…since I never have before. Don’t really know where to start so I guess I’ll just start by saying that right now I’m really confused, since I’ve never been diagnoses so to speak with social phobia, so I’m not real sure if this is my problem or I’m just overreacting I dunno…I figure that people with it would be able to tell if I had it although I know only a doctor or “professional” so to speak can do such a thing. I’m just afraid to seek help unless I know for certain which probably will never happen, and even if I do know I still need someone to push me along…anyways yeah I know get on with your problems…well fine.Some of my problems that make me think I have social phobia are that I often find myself dwelling on the past and all of the mistakes I’ve made and what I could have done better in those situations. I overanalyze everything…possibly I’m overanalyzing thinking I have social phobia? Not real sure myself, but it is very annoying because all I can think of is the past unless I’m multitasking or being distracted by something, or worrying about the future which is no better. An example of this would be, in order for me to do homework or study, I have to listen to music to keep my mind from drifting to my past…It's not that I really have had a bad past at all either. I find that if I’m listening to music and studying I can concentrate on the lyrics of the song in the times where I am not thinking about what I’m studying or doing homework dunno if that makes much sense.
Also, I’m a huge perfectionist, if I do something it has to be the best I can make it so that I have no regrets and cant look back at it and say “What if…?”. This is very annoying because it obviously takes me a hell of a lot longer to get things done than it does for most people. Dunno if this is really related to social phobia but its still a problem and very annoying.
As for something more related to SP, I do get really nervous in front of others or when I’m the center of attention in a group that is not my close friends. I’m fine with my friends but if I don’t know the people very well I normally don’t say much at all, it’s almost like I have multiple personalities. Also I find that when I’m in the presence of my friends parents, or “important” people I have to act all proper and shit…guess I feel the need to be accepted…dunno. Can’t really make eye contact with them either which I realize would be caused by SP. The weird thing about this is that I really don’t give a damn what other think of me, but I still get nervous around people other than my close friends.
I find that when I’m put on the spot or the center of attention I don’t blush which seems common, but I occasionally shake and my heart is pounding (sound familiar?). Sometimes I get real dizzy if it’s something that I hate a whole lot (presentations and tests…ewe) and occasionally I’ve had an “out of body” experience, and no I don’t do drugs. I also worry about things in the future way before they happen…such as my next English class since our teacher told us she was going to call on random people next time...grr. I’m not the person that would skip class because of this though, ‘cause I worry about my grades as well (with just about everything else it seems).
One of the things that pisses me off the most is that I’ve never had a girlfriend, and if I can’t get myself to talk to girls or even people I don’t know very well, how the hell will I ever get one. It's not that I am that desperate for sex or anything like that, I just want someone to be there with me as I go through life. I want someone there to reassure me, and love me. I don’t want to go through my life alone, which, the way things are going right now, is a very real possibility. I’ve even had a girl ask ME out…and I was like “uh…” (there I go again dwelling on the past). Some other (not so) interesting things about me are that I’ve never been to a party (when I say party I mean…party…not get together birthday “party”), and I don’t drink (this is one of the few good things I can think of right now). In fact one of my goals in life is to never drink any alcohol…yeah pretty weird huh?
I also really hate it when people worry about me, and I really hate making people upset with me (people I don’t know very much that is), which is probably why I don’t tell anyone what I think…ever. I’m also a very sarcastic person and am an asshole to the people who are close to me, because when people are happy, for some reason I get mad because I can never seem to be happy. My friends deal with this cause they all know I’m a huge pessimist and don’t really mean the things I say to them.
You may be asking yourself by now…why are you telling us all of this, and the truth is I really have no idea but I thought you might be able to give me suggestions as to what to do. Like…if you think I do have SP, then how should I go about getting help? I can’t seem to be able to tell even my closest friend that there is something wrong with me, because I just don’t really trust anyone…I want him to say something to the extent of you need help, lets go get some for you…but I know this won’t happen. I also would feel like a huge disappointment if I did get help for this, (which is in a way what I’m doing now…although its anonymous so I don’t feel as bad doing it cause no one will know its me), cause my parents are great and haven’t done anything wrong, and they might feel responsible. I wouldn’t like to tell them anyways even if I got help, but I’m sure they would find out somehow. Sorry about the long post, I just really needed to get some of this out, so maybe I can stop dwelling on it and concentrate on all the shit I’m worrying about so maybe I wont worry about it as much (yeah right…that’s the nth time I’ve told myself that one).
Well…that’s all the problems I can get myself to type now...got some more but typing all of this is really depressing, if you read all of this thanks and sorry for wasting your time, any help you can offer will be appreciated. Any questions comments criticism…anything is appreciated, and sorry for being just another one with the same old problem if this is indeed the case…and now for my next obstacle…the submit button (here’s to hoping I won’t regret this…).
